Two years later.
Goodmorning.
Two years have passed and I felt like I needed to get some stuff off my chest and what better than my journal. So many things have changed, some good and some bad. As you can tell even my writing has improved. I am in college now, surprised right? Not so long ago I was in middle school talking about dumb puppy love, and how school sucked, lol. (Don't get me wrong I still hate school, but I know I need it in order to succeed). I am in College fending for myself and trying to achieve all my dreams. My Birthday is in about a week, I am turning nineteen. Never in my right mind did I believe I was going to look back at all my actions and laugh. I sit and read everything I ever wrote in this journal and I laugh. I was so young and naive, it is incredible. I do not regret anything I have ever done but I do believe I have grown into a more mature and independent young lady.
My life has taken so many ups and downs since the last time we spoke. I have gone from being the happiest girl in the world to feeling like the smallest insignificant person on this earth. I have learned that you do not always get what you want and you should not give up just because things do not go your way. I have bettered myself as a person and realized not to take people for granted. I still cannot trust just anyone but I do feel I am more open to others than I was a few years ago. I have learned to appreciate my parents so much more and take into consideration that the only thing they are trying to do for me is take care of me. Being eighteen has allowed me to do a lot more. I do whatever I want pretty much whenever I want. I have nothing really to complain about, I pretty much run my own life with a few exceptions my parents give me. My parents have absolute, and complete trust in me, and it feels absolutely amazing. I use to think that doing things behind their back would be fine but little did I know that stuff like that would never get me anywhere. I realized that being honest and allowing them to be part of my life would give me the opportunity to do all the stuff I want to do. I am extremely thankful for the parents I have and I would never wish to have others. I may argue with them, mostly my dad but I have learned to appreciate all the little things they do for me.
Love? What can I say about that.. I am not bitter but I am skeptical. Love has given me some stabs in the back. The only time I ever felt I was truly in love back fired and dropped me on my back. Four years later I realize that some things are not as they seem and before judging someone you should always try to look at it from the other persons perspective. I use to get angry and scream and argue about things with out even knowing how the other person felt. Things come to an end, and you have to accept them one way or another. Till this day I do not accept cheating, and I doubt I ever will, but I have been in the position that you fall for someone and realize that by doing this you might hurt someone else. Cheating is not good when it is done to you but then why should you do it to others? "Treat others the way you want to be treated" has been a quote I have grown very fond of. Rumors made up by very hurtful people led a lot of things to change in my life. That certain person people began to claim as my boyfriend slowly became a huge part of my life.. But it was wrong. In the end someone always gets hurt, and in the end I ended up twice as bad. When you do something bad get ready for the consequences. I gave myself to a person I had complete trust because they were there for me in my hardest moments, but as time went on the person I thought I knew slowly slipped through my fingers. Change is a difficult word but it happens. Till this day I cannot really be so open with the things I say because some people still do not know but that person knows exactly who he is. This person went from being the most important person in my life to not being in my life at all. How do you care for someone so much and then don't the next day. Losing trust, losing hope, feeling wrong when you are around them is some of the things I felt. When you try so hard to change a person for good and the person does not try you lose hope. People told me give up, if he does not care about himself he is not going to care about you. And as hard as that was to accept it was true. Someone that screams at you, points out the bad in you, hits you, lies to you, cheats on you, and takes advantage of you does not love you. I do not care in what way you try to put it that person does not love you. Enough about the heartbreaks, less move on to a heartbreak that was worth it. David Martin Salas, never in my life did I imagine I would love and care for a guy so much. David taught me that there is love out there and that anyone can achieve it. I have never felt to have someone so sincere around, my best friend the only guy I have ever grown to love and understand. The only person that has brought complete happiness and calmness to my life. All the bad moments I ever had were erased by David, but never in my life did I think I would have to live without him. David has been gone now almost two years and till this day it is still hard to feel like I belong. I don't feel like I have someone for myself or someone to talk to..
Friends.. I went from having a tons of friends to narrowing it down to maybe a few. I have people I can talk to and hang out with but I do not consider them friends, friends. If you read in to my old journals you will see that I would talk bad about Fitz because I was hurt but who would have known that at the end of the day he would turn out to be one of my best friends. Fitz takes a huge space in my heart. Fitz has been with me since I was a little girl. I met fitz when I was eleven and till this day I know I can run to him for anything I need. Fitz went from being my "first love" to someone I didn't want in my life to one of the most important guys in my life. This young man has stood by me in every situation. There have been incidents where I have treated him bad and he never let me go. I appreciate and love Fitz Alexander Rodriguez with all my heart.
I have to go to Math class so I will finish this off later (:
Two years have passed and I felt like I needed to get some stuff off my chest and what better than my journal. So many things have changed, some good and some bad. As you can tell even my writing has improved. I am in college now, surprised right? Not so long ago I was in middle school talking about dumb puppy love, and how school sucked, lol. (Don't get me wrong I still hate school, but I know I need it in order to succeed). I am in College fending for myself and trying to achieve all my dreams. My Birthday is in about a week, I am turning nineteen. Never in my right mind did I believe I was going to look back at all my actions and laugh. I sit and read everything I ever wrote in this journal and I laugh. I was so young and naive, it is incredible. I do not regret anything I have ever done but I do believe I have grown into a more mature and independent young lady.
My life has taken so many ups and downs since the last time we spoke. I have gone from being the happiest girl in the world to feeling like the smallest insignificant person on this earth. I have learned that you do not always get what you want and you should not give up just because things do not go your way. I have bettered myself as a person and realized not to take people for granted. I still cannot trust just anyone but I do feel I am more open to others than I was a few years ago. I have learned to appreciate my parents so much more and take into consideration that the only thing they are trying to do for me is take care of me. Being eighteen has allowed me to do a lot more. I do whatever I want pretty much whenever I want. I have nothing really to complain about, I pretty much run my own life with a few exceptions my parents give me. My parents have absolute, and complete trust in me, and it feels absolutely amazing. I use to think that doing things behind their back would be fine but little did I know that stuff like that would never get me anywhere. I realized that being honest and allowing them to be part of my life would give me the opportunity to do all the stuff I want to do. I am extremely thankful for the parents I have and I would never wish to have others. I may argue with them, mostly my dad but I have learned to appreciate all the little things they do for me.
Love? What can I say about that.. I am not bitter but I am skeptical. Love has given me some stabs in the back. The only time I ever felt I was truly in love back fired and dropped me on my back. Four years later I realize that some things are not as they seem and before judging someone you should always try to look at it from the other persons perspective. I use to get angry and scream and argue about things with out even knowing how the other person felt. Things come to an end, and you have to accept them one way or another. Till this day I do not accept cheating, and I doubt I ever will, but I have been in the position that you fall for someone and realize that by doing this you might hurt someone else. Cheating is not good when it is done to you but then why should you do it to others? "Treat others the way you want to be treated" has been a quote I have grown very fond of. Rumors made up by very hurtful people led a lot of things to change in my life. That certain person people began to claim as my boyfriend slowly became a huge part of my life.. But it was wrong. In the end someone always gets hurt, and in the end I ended up twice as bad. When you do something bad get ready for the consequences. I gave myself to a person I had complete trust because they were there for me in my hardest moments, but as time went on the person I thought I knew slowly slipped through my fingers. Change is a difficult word but it happens. Till this day I cannot really be so open with the things I say because some people still do not know but that person knows exactly who he is. This person went from being the most important person in my life to not being in my life at all. How do you care for someone so much and then don't the next day. Losing trust, losing hope, feeling wrong when you are around them is some of the things I felt. When you try so hard to change a person for good and the person does not try you lose hope. People told me give up, if he does not care about himself he is not going to care about you. And as hard as that was to accept it was true. Someone that screams at you, points out the bad in you, hits you, lies to you, cheats on you, and takes advantage of you does not love you. I do not care in what way you try to put it that person does not love you. Enough about the heartbreaks, less move on to a heartbreak that was worth it. David Martin Salas, never in my life did I imagine I would love and care for a guy so much. David taught me that there is love out there and that anyone can achieve it. I have never felt to have someone so sincere around, my best friend the only guy I have ever grown to love and understand. The only person that has brought complete happiness and calmness to my life. All the bad moments I ever had were erased by David, but never in my life did I think I would have to live without him. David has been gone now almost two years and till this day it is still hard to feel like I belong. I don't feel like I have someone for myself or someone to talk to..
Friends.. I went from having a tons of friends to narrowing it down to maybe a few. I have people I can talk to and hang out with but I do not consider them friends, friends. If you read in to my old journals you will see that I would talk bad about Fitz because I was hurt but who would have known that at the end of the day he would turn out to be one of my best friends. Fitz takes a huge space in my heart. Fitz has been with me since I was a little girl. I met fitz when I was eleven and till this day I know I can run to him for anything I need. Fitz went from being my "first love" to someone I didn't want in my life to one of the most important guys in my life. This young man has stood by me in every situation. There have been incidents where I have treated him bad and he never let me go. I appreciate and love Fitz Alexander Rodriguez with all my heart.
I have to go to Math class so I will finish this off later (: