long time no see journal.
im a bad friend journal. im sorry i only use you when i need to express my thoughtss and cannot post those thoughts on myspace for my 300+ friends to read.
it seems the last time i wrote i had just gotten together with clifton. and now i write as the relationship ends...8 months later. ugh. i dont know what to do and or think. again i find myself ending a relationship for no REAL reason, and it's getting old. previous relationships have ended because of distance, which left me still attatched because there was no argument, just distance. now i find myself ending a relationship due to time, no issues except no time for each other. other than that the relationship was perfect for the most part. it makes me sad to know im giving up someone who has EVERYTHING i wanted in someone i wished to marry. it's so hard to find guys these days that have the same morals as myself, a guy who is an AMAZING father, honest, not jealous of a damn thing, just overall good guy. my issue is i don't feel like fighting to look for another guy like him, when i feel like i already found it. so, do i fight harder for this relationship? or let it go. we work completely opposite shifts. we both have 2 year olds. i live at home. he has major hobbies, i still hang out with my friends a ton. so how do i find time to make it work? i guess it is an issue of priorities. i can make him one of my top 5 but i think it's too hard for him to do the same to myself. there's so much working against us, yet at the same time a ton for us. i dunno what to do...i just needed to express my thoughts. im trying really hard now to ignore him, and fight my feelings. i guess thats my way of coping with the issue. its only been 5 days, but i do miss him. i wish he missed me, maybe he does, he never communicates. another issue. i'll check back in a week and update.
i suppose i should discuss cadie...she is getting big and doesnt stop talking, ever. EVER! shes enjoying her summer, we've done a lot so far. last week i took her to see thomas the train in lancaster pa. she was amazed, it was the greatest thing ever, i teared up at how excited she was with the whole trip. along with that we took a horse & buggy ride. then we took a trip the the "chicken festival" oh man, most redneck event i've ever attended. we only went for the train ride. that was another fun mini adventure. coming up at the end of summer is another thoams the train event, some live performance at the civic center...dunno much about it. two days ago she rode the OC rocket, that was awesome! she had to stand the whole time, raising her arms & screaming woo hoo! i suppose that sums up our summer so far.. i have plenty of new photos of her up on www.fotki.com/dcayn/ under Cadie Victoria. check them out.
i'm ending this now, thanks for listening. <3 meaghan
it seems the last time i wrote i had just gotten together with clifton. and now i write as the relationship ends...8 months later. ugh. i dont know what to do and or think. again i find myself ending a relationship for no REAL reason, and it's getting old. previous relationships have ended because of distance, which left me still attatched because there was no argument, just distance. now i find myself ending a relationship due to time, no issues except no time for each other. other than that the relationship was perfect for the most part. it makes me sad to know im giving up someone who has EVERYTHING i wanted in someone i wished to marry. it's so hard to find guys these days that have the same morals as myself, a guy who is an AMAZING father, honest, not jealous of a damn thing, just overall good guy. my issue is i don't feel like fighting to look for another guy like him, when i feel like i already found it. so, do i fight harder for this relationship? or let it go. we work completely opposite shifts. we both have 2 year olds. i live at home. he has major hobbies, i still hang out with my friends a ton. so how do i find time to make it work? i guess it is an issue of priorities. i can make him one of my top 5 but i think it's too hard for him to do the same to myself. there's so much working against us, yet at the same time a ton for us. i dunno what to do...i just needed to express my thoughts. im trying really hard now to ignore him, and fight my feelings. i guess thats my way of coping with the issue. its only been 5 days, but i do miss him. i wish he missed me, maybe he does, he never communicates. another issue. i'll check back in a week and update.
i suppose i should discuss cadie...she is getting big and doesnt stop talking, ever. EVER! shes enjoying her summer, we've done a lot so far. last week i took her to see thomas the train in lancaster pa. she was amazed, it was the greatest thing ever, i teared up at how excited she was with the whole trip. along with that we took a horse & buggy ride. then we took a trip the the "chicken festival" oh man, most redneck event i've ever attended. we only went for the train ride. that was another fun mini adventure. coming up at the end of summer is another thoams the train event, some live performance at the civic center...dunno much about it. two days ago she rode the OC rocket, that was awesome! she had to stand the whole time, raising her arms & screaming woo hoo! i suppose that sums up our summer so far.. i have plenty of new photos of her up on www.fotki.com/dcayn/ under Cadie Victoria. check them out.
i'm ending this now, thanks for listening. <3 meaghan