I Still Can't Dance (2/2)
Author: xxkatiekatiex
Name: I Still Can't Dance (2/2)
Rating: PG
Pairing(s): Kradam.
Disclaimer: These two men belong wholly to themselves and I doubt that this will ever happen. Entirely a work of fiction, entirely from my imagination.
Warning: None.
Author's Note: Unbeta'd. I have realized that I love writing comingout!fic. Just because there's a lot of ways to do it, and because there's no wrong way to write it. It's an emotional scene to write, and sometimes I can capture that well. Let me know if I did so with this piece. Though I don't much like the beginning, and it starts off slow, I hope it kind of sort of holds your interest. A little rushed? Yes. But it's been running through my head for a week now. I hope it's a satisfying ending for everyone... I'm not sure if it's too abrupt or not.
I Still Can't Dance (Part 1)
When Kris arrived home from work the next Friday, he was only slightly shocked to see Adam standing in the front doorway, club makeup already on and a David Bowie song blaring from the stereo in the corner.
Kris knew what was going on. He'd gotten hints about the fact that it would all day, and now that it was, he wasn't sure he could handle it.
The past week had been delicate for the both of them. Communication had been normal, but Kris noticed the little things that Adam did more. And he did a few little things too, like wearing the vest out and about, like making brownies, like making sure the eyeliner Adam had given him came back to his room and didn't get forgotten on the bathroom counter.
They both noticed, they both knew. It was something that neither of them wished to upset, and in the process of holding this balance, Kris had not called Katy in the past week.
He was starting to think that Katy knew too. And though this thought would have frightened him previously, he got the sense that Katy had always known. She had a way of knowing what Kris was all about before even he ever realized.
Which all came back to the idea that everything was okay.
It was all okay these days. Kris felt like he was being honest with himself, Adam seemed... well enough. Everything was okay.
"Going out tonight?" Kris asked. He knew the answer already, though. Adam was still in his lounging clothes, meaning a black shirt with the name of some band scrawled across it and his favorite pair of jeans, but his makeup was done and the rhinestones were blue tonight and swirled our from his lash line.
Adam nodded. "So are you."
A thrill skittered through Kris's stomach, but he fought it down. That meant all of Adam's friends, too... people he'd never actually met. "Oh really?"
"Mhm," his roommate supplied, finally moving from his place in the doorframe. "better go get changed if I'm going to show you how to put on your own eyeliner and teach you to dance."
The thrill that had skittered before now burst into flame in Kris's stomach. Screw the friends, he had Adam from now, 5:00, to when they would leave, probably at eight or so. "What should I wear?"
After a moment of consideration, Adam replied with "put on the jeans and the white shirt. I'll handle everything else." He said.
The entire exchange had been cool and calm, but the thrill in Kris's stomach was still burning hot and fast. He changed his shirt quickly, and then shimmied into the blue underwear and the skinny jeans, a pair of pants that he had discovered were more comfortable than almost everything he owned. He didn't even mind the silvery threads that ran through them, though he hadn't worn them out in public yet.
The white shirt was the only item of clothing that Adam had bought him that he hadn't tried on yet. The long slash in the back was the thing that confused him most-- he suspected that it was just a fashion statement or something, so he shrugged into the shirt, aware of the fact that he could see the dark circles of his nipples under the thin fabric, but something told him not to care.
It was the same part of him that had wondered why he couldn't wear the clothes Adam had picked out the week before. It was a part of him that seemed to win the argument a lot.
After turning around to look at his back and butt in the full length mirror (God, he'd been living with Adam for too long), he went to find him in the bathroom, where his straightener was on, the heat radiating into the rest of the room. Adam looked at him in the mirror, a small smile racing across his features before he caught himself and repasted the look of nonchalance that both had been wearing. "Hang on and I'll help you with your hair."
Adam put down the straightener on the counter and picked up a bottle, squirting some clear gel into his hands and rubbing them together quickly. Without a word, he began to work it into Kris's scalp and then pull it to the ends of his hair. His touch was firm and soothing, and it reminded Kris of the way Katy ran her hands through his hair when he told her he'd had a bad day. He sighed, and saw Adam's lips twitch into a smile.
After a moment of this, Adam stepped back to grab something off the counter. "I know you're going to argue--"
"No glitter, Adam. You know that." Kris replied before Adam could even finish.
The older man shrugged. "Fine, fine." He said with a wave of his hand. "Your hair's done, then."
Kris turned to look in the mirror, letting his eyes rest on Adam for a moment, his hair touseled and shiny, before he looked at himself. Spiked into a faux hawk, Kris's hair looked darker and smoother than it usually did. He didn't pay much attention to his hair on a daily basis. He shampooed it and combed it, but he didn't actually do things to it. "I like it," he said simply before leaning into the mirror to take a closer look.
It made Kris look playful and a little bit dirty. And this was, shockingly, part of why he liked it.
Adam's smile was proud. "I'm glad you let your hair grow out. Otherwise I couldn't have done much with it." He explained. "Now, you want to find out how to do your own makeup, or have me do it?"
A good question. It would mean that he was up for anything if he learned how to put on his own makeup. On the other hand, it would mean he trusted Adam more if he let him do what he was best at-- plus it meant Kris could always ask him to teach him later. "I think you should do it."
An answer that Adam didn't expect, Kris saw his eyebrows shot up for half a second. He was kind of glad that he was able to keep his older roommate a little surprised once in a while. "Alright. You should sit down, then. Just on the counter is fine."
Kris hoisted himself up while Adam picked out what he wanted to put on him. "What all are you going to put on me?"
"Just the basics," Adam replied, stepping between Kris's legs to get closer to his face. "eyeliner, mascara... maybe eyeshadow, if you really need it."
"Will I need it?"
Kris was shocked by Adams reply. "You don't need anything to look any better."
They were both silent while Adam applied Kris's makeup, silently weighing every movement of the other. Every possibilty of what was running through Adam's mind crossed Kris's, a barrage of thoughts puncuated by a pair of voices inside his head. One was screaming oh god, he's been making fun of me the whole time, while the other chanted it's okay. he said so. it's okay.
Finally, Kris felt Adam retreat from the space between his legs. "There. You're all done." Kris thought he heard a tone of disappointment in the older man's voice, but he didn't have the courage to mention it.
"How do I look?"
Adam weighed his answer for a moment. "I think you look fantastic. But you always do," he said before turning away.
Kris finally looked in the mirror, startled, as always, by the way his eyes changed as soon as he had eyeliner on. It had brought the entire thing together-- the outfit, the hair... it all fit. For the first time since Katy said she wanted him in that needy, breathy voice two nights before their marriage, he felt genuinely sexy. "I think we both look fantastic." He replied evenly, turning back to Adam. "And I'm nearly ready to go."
His companion nodded slowly. "I have one more thing I want you to wear, though. Meet me in the living room."
Kris followed the went to the living room to wait, feeling confident in the situation for the first time. He wasn't quite sure, but staying calm this entire time had made it all a little easier to deal with. He felt, for the first time, better than okay about this whole thing... but like he knew what he wanted.
What did he want?
That was easy. Adam. Not in a purely physical way, of course... it was too soon for that still. He knew he had Adam on a friendship level, but he wanted to push the limit of that-- he wanted to see what else was there.
Because something was there, there had to be. Surely it wasn't all in Kris's mind.
"Okay, this is the last thing you need--" Kris's head shot up, almost surprised to see Adam enter the room, holding a pair of red suspenders.
His closet was bottomless, and Kris told him so. Adam merely rolled his eyes, though, and clipped them to his roommate's pants.
He stepped back, surveying his work appreciatively, before going to the stero and turning on a song that reminded Kris of that time he and Katy had spent the entire afternoon on a rainy day in high school spread out on his couch, kissing slowly. Adam watched him carefully as he shifted uncomfortably.
"I told you I don't know how to dance," he said, well aware of how much it was a plead for Adam to stop staring at him so expectantly.
He stepped closer to Kris after another long moment, his face serious, just as the lyrics of the sing start to sing about sex and candy. "Just relax. You're totally tense right now."
It wasn't that Kris didn't want to relax... it was just difficult when he knew how foolish he looked when he danced. He let out a sigh anyway before letting out an "okay."
Adam's smile was genuine and honest. "Remember? It's okay. It's all okay." He almost whispered to Kris, pulling him closer. "Just move. Just move how the music makes you."
Kris felt Adam's hips press against his and then begin to shift left and right. It was okay, he had to remind himself as Adam pulled him against him. It was okay. He closed his mind off to everything but the music and the feel of Adam pressed against him--
"That's it." Adam's words were barely whispered, and at first Kris thought he hadn't heard them. The only clue that he had spoken was the breath of warm air that rushed past Kris's neck. "Just move. Don't think."
It wasn't as hard as Kris would have thought previously-- nevertheless, his movements were still a little jerky. He can feel it. As much as he wished otherwise, he still danced like a white guy. In fact, he wasn't quite sure how Adam was moving in that smooth, curvey way that Katy could-- like he knew his body more than he knew anything else.
And Kris found nimself kind of jealous of the way he moved.
"Adam," he almost whispers to his companion, who only hums to signify that he's heard. "I want to dance like you."
Kris's gaze snuck toward Adam's face, where his blue eyes were trained on his. A small grin was pasted on his face, almost a smirk, and his nose was wrinkled in that way that honestly showed that he was happy. His grin grew when Kris smiled up at him, and once again, Kris was struck by how okay everything was. He'd never have dreamed of anything like this happening before last week-- he'd been well content to quell whatever emotions came to the surface regarding Adam. But now... here he stood in his shared living room, with his roommate pressed against him, and for the first time, he was able to say something that he wasn't sure about before.
"You make me happy."
Name: I Still Can't Dance (2/2)
Rating: PG
Pairing(s): Kradam.
Disclaimer: These two men belong wholly to themselves and I doubt that this will ever happen. Entirely a work of fiction, entirely from my imagination.
Warning: None.
Author's Note: Unbeta'd. I have realized that I love writing comingout!fic. Just because there's a lot of ways to do it, and because there's no wrong way to write it. It's an emotional scene to write, and sometimes I can capture that well. Let me know if I did so with this piece. Though I don't much like the beginning, and it starts off slow, I hope it kind of sort of holds your interest. A little rushed? Yes. But it's been running through my head for a week now. I hope it's a satisfying ending for everyone... I'm not sure if it's too abrupt or not.
I Still Can't Dance (Part 1)
When Kris arrived home from work the next Friday, he was only slightly shocked to see Adam standing in the front doorway, club makeup already on and a David Bowie song blaring from the stereo in the corner.
Kris knew what was going on. He'd gotten hints about the fact that it would all day, and now that it was, he wasn't sure he could handle it.
The past week had been delicate for the both of them. Communication had been normal, but Kris noticed the little things that Adam did more. And he did a few little things too, like wearing the vest out and about, like making brownies, like making sure the eyeliner Adam had given him came back to his room and didn't get forgotten on the bathroom counter.
They both noticed, they both knew. It was something that neither of them wished to upset, and in the process of holding this balance, Kris had not called Katy in the past week.
He was starting to think that Katy knew too. And though this thought would have frightened him previously, he got the sense that Katy had always known. She had a way of knowing what Kris was all about before even he ever realized.
Which all came back to the idea that everything was okay.
It was all okay these days. Kris felt like he was being honest with himself, Adam seemed... well enough. Everything was okay.
"Going out tonight?" Kris asked. He knew the answer already, though. Adam was still in his lounging clothes, meaning a black shirt with the name of some band scrawled across it and his favorite pair of jeans, but his makeup was done and the rhinestones were blue tonight and swirled our from his lash line.
Adam nodded. "So are you."
A thrill skittered through Kris's stomach, but he fought it down. That meant all of Adam's friends, too... people he'd never actually met. "Oh really?"
"Mhm," his roommate supplied, finally moving from his place in the doorframe. "better go get changed if I'm going to show you how to put on your own eyeliner and teach you to dance."
The thrill that had skittered before now burst into flame in Kris's stomach. Screw the friends, he had Adam from now, 5:00, to when they would leave, probably at eight or so. "What should I wear?"
After a moment of consideration, Adam replied with "put on the jeans and the white shirt. I'll handle everything else." He said.
The entire exchange had been cool and calm, but the thrill in Kris's stomach was still burning hot and fast. He changed his shirt quickly, and then shimmied into the blue underwear and the skinny jeans, a pair of pants that he had discovered were more comfortable than almost everything he owned. He didn't even mind the silvery threads that ran through them, though he hadn't worn them out in public yet.
The white shirt was the only item of clothing that Adam had bought him that he hadn't tried on yet. The long slash in the back was the thing that confused him most-- he suspected that it was just a fashion statement or something, so he shrugged into the shirt, aware of the fact that he could see the dark circles of his nipples under the thin fabric, but something told him not to care.
It was the same part of him that had wondered why he couldn't wear the clothes Adam had picked out the week before. It was a part of him that seemed to win the argument a lot.
After turning around to look at his back and butt in the full length mirror (God, he'd been living with Adam for too long), he went to find him in the bathroom, where his straightener was on, the heat radiating into the rest of the room. Adam looked at him in the mirror, a small smile racing across his features before he caught himself and repasted the look of nonchalance that both had been wearing. "Hang on and I'll help you with your hair."
Adam put down the straightener on the counter and picked up a bottle, squirting some clear gel into his hands and rubbing them together quickly. Without a word, he began to work it into Kris's scalp and then pull it to the ends of his hair. His touch was firm and soothing, and it reminded Kris of the way Katy ran her hands through his hair when he told her he'd had a bad day. He sighed, and saw Adam's lips twitch into a smile.
After a moment of this, Adam stepped back to grab something off the counter. "I know you're going to argue--"
"No glitter, Adam. You know that." Kris replied before Adam could even finish.
The older man shrugged. "Fine, fine." He said with a wave of his hand. "Your hair's done, then."
Kris turned to look in the mirror, letting his eyes rest on Adam for a moment, his hair touseled and shiny, before he looked at himself. Spiked into a faux hawk, Kris's hair looked darker and smoother than it usually did. He didn't pay much attention to his hair on a daily basis. He shampooed it and combed it, but he didn't actually do things to it. "I like it," he said simply before leaning into the mirror to take a closer look.
It made Kris look playful and a little bit dirty. And this was, shockingly, part of why he liked it.
Adam's smile was proud. "I'm glad you let your hair grow out. Otherwise I couldn't have done much with it." He explained. "Now, you want to find out how to do your own makeup, or have me do it?"
A good question. It would mean that he was up for anything if he learned how to put on his own makeup. On the other hand, it would mean he trusted Adam more if he let him do what he was best at-- plus it meant Kris could always ask him to teach him later. "I think you should do it."
An answer that Adam didn't expect, Kris saw his eyebrows shot up for half a second. He was kind of glad that he was able to keep his older roommate a little surprised once in a while. "Alright. You should sit down, then. Just on the counter is fine."
Kris hoisted himself up while Adam picked out what he wanted to put on him. "What all are you going to put on me?"
"Just the basics," Adam replied, stepping between Kris's legs to get closer to his face. "eyeliner, mascara... maybe eyeshadow, if you really need it."
"Will I need it?"
Kris was shocked by Adams reply. "You don't need anything to look any better."
They were both silent while Adam applied Kris's makeup, silently weighing every movement of the other. Every possibilty of what was running through Adam's mind crossed Kris's, a barrage of thoughts puncuated by a pair of voices inside his head. One was screaming oh god, he's been making fun of me the whole time, while the other chanted it's okay. he said so. it's okay.
Finally, Kris felt Adam retreat from the space between his legs. "There. You're all done." Kris thought he heard a tone of disappointment in the older man's voice, but he didn't have the courage to mention it.
"How do I look?"
Adam weighed his answer for a moment. "I think you look fantastic. But you always do," he said before turning away.
Kris finally looked in the mirror, startled, as always, by the way his eyes changed as soon as he had eyeliner on. It had brought the entire thing together-- the outfit, the hair... it all fit. For the first time since Katy said she wanted him in that needy, breathy voice two nights before their marriage, he felt genuinely sexy. "I think we both look fantastic." He replied evenly, turning back to Adam. "And I'm nearly ready to go."
His companion nodded slowly. "I have one more thing I want you to wear, though. Meet me in the living room."
Kris followed the went to the living room to wait, feeling confident in the situation for the first time. He wasn't quite sure, but staying calm this entire time had made it all a little easier to deal with. He felt, for the first time, better than okay about this whole thing... but like he knew what he wanted.
What did he want?
That was easy. Adam. Not in a purely physical way, of course... it was too soon for that still. He knew he had Adam on a friendship level, but he wanted to push the limit of that-- he wanted to see what else was there.
Because something was there, there had to be. Surely it wasn't all in Kris's mind.
"Okay, this is the last thing you need--" Kris's head shot up, almost surprised to see Adam enter the room, holding a pair of red suspenders.
His closet was bottomless, and Kris told him so. Adam merely rolled his eyes, though, and clipped them to his roommate's pants.
He stepped back, surveying his work appreciatively, before going to the stero and turning on a song that reminded Kris of that time he and Katy had spent the entire afternoon on a rainy day in high school spread out on his couch, kissing slowly. Adam watched him carefully as he shifted uncomfortably.
"I told you I don't know how to dance," he said, well aware of how much it was a plead for Adam to stop staring at him so expectantly.
He stepped closer to Kris after another long moment, his face serious, just as the lyrics of the sing start to sing about sex and candy. "Just relax. You're totally tense right now."
It wasn't that Kris didn't want to relax... it was just difficult when he knew how foolish he looked when he danced. He let out a sigh anyway before letting out an "okay."
Adam's smile was genuine and honest. "Remember? It's okay. It's all okay." He almost whispered to Kris, pulling him closer. "Just move. Just move how the music makes you."
Kris felt Adam's hips press against his and then begin to shift left and right. It was okay, he had to remind himself as Adam pulled him against him. It was okay. He closed his mind off to everything but the music and the feel of Adam pressed against him--
"That's it." Adam's words were barely whispered, and at first Kris thought he hadn't heard them. The only clue that he had spoken was the breath of warm air that rushed past Kris's neck. "Just move. Don't think."
It wasn't as hard as Kris would have thought previously-- nevertheless, his movements were still a little jerky. He can feel it. As much as he wished otherwise, he still danced like a white guy. In fact, he wasn't quite sure how Adam was moving in that smooth, curvey way that Katy could-- like he knew his body more than he knew anything else.
And Kris found nimself kind of jealous of the way he moved.
"Adam," he almost whispers to his companion, who only hums to signify that he's heard. "I want to dance like you."
Kris's gaze snuck toward Adam's face, where his blue eyes were trained on his. A small grin was pasted on his face, almost a smirk, and his nose was wrinkled in that way that honestly showed that he was happy. His grin grew when Kris smiled up at him, and once again, Kris was struck by how okay everything was. He'd never have dreamed of anything like this happening before last week-- he'd been well content to quell whatever emotions came to the surface regarding Adam. But now... here he stood in his shared living room, with his roommate pressed against him, and for the first time, he was able to say something that he wasn't sure about before.
"You make me happy."