A New Seasion, a strong passion...
I know I haven't been posting much. I have reasons. For my 18th birthday I got a journal from my very good friend, and I've been writing in that more often. Sorry for never posting, for those who actually do read my blogs (I'm not sure..) .
Heres whats been up with me.
I'm leaving tomorrow morning for a youth camp in texas called YFN (Youth for the Nations) and I'm extremely excited. I don't know what to expect. My youth group went back in 2000, but by that time, I was only 10. God really changed and molded the heart of my youth leader on that trip and i'm just so ready to get away from the busyness of my life and focus on what really matters (eternally speaking..).
I feel like seasons of my life are ending and starting right now. Relationships with friends are changing, priorities are changing, my relationship with God is being testing in a whole new set of ways (and I want to be ready for it.)
I turned 18 in may. I'm sure alot of people who actually know me might think that is a pretty monumental thing. I found out its not. Because right when I have the freedom to do whatever I please, i sudden am shown by God that I don't have adequate wisdom to do things without consenting with God. I feel childish for thinking that I knew everything there was in life.
A world of opportunities, a billion of life changing decisions are starting to face me.
Will I go to college? Where? What for?
When will I move out of my dads house? To where? With who?
Where to get a full time job?
Who will I choose to give my heart to? (second most important decision of my entire life.)
These are just a few on my mind. And suddenly, I feel lost. I feel like I've spent the last 3 years of my life not planning for any of these things. I feel unable to make these decisions. Some people might think I sound rediculous. The reason why i I'm taking these decisions seriously is because over and over and over again, I hear from my authority, my pastor, my youth leader, my dad- that all of these decisions will impact the rest of my entire life. I want to make the right decisions. I don't know what those decisions are.
Last wednesday marked the last day for me in my youth group, and I'm moving up to campus group (for the college students.) The most memorable part of that entire night was when my friends laid their hands on me and prayed for me.
I felt the pull of God in my life again. I felt Him nudging me to cast these worries upon Him, and to trust him, and to follow him, and to love Him first. Man.. How I've failed soooo bad in those areas throughout my teens. But what got me the most, was that while my friends were praying for my future, I realized that all these decisions were not my problem. I still had to settle it in my heart that God was going to be in control of my entire life. Sure, I have my plans, I have my expectations, but actually following His way and letting my guard down, and taking that risk. I just know that if I strive to only follow God in all things- and plan the best I know how for my future, that God will show me how to make all these decisions in my life.
I want to have the presence of God with me wherever I go. Having his presence in my life is when I feel that peace. Maybe I sound crazy to whoever is reading this. But I'm desperate. I'm not talking about a worship service where I feel a tingle in my knees, and then its over and its normal life again. I want step by step leading by the presence of God. I want to have that peace with me always that surpasses all comprehension. Most of all, I just want to please God
Lately in my struggles, I've been failing, But today I'm making that choice that in all things, i will strive to please and follow God. I fail and fall because I'm not striving to be in the presence of God. Now I'm striving, and my faith has increased- and i feel the calling of God in my life.
Please comment of you wish,
Kaitlin.
Heres whats been up with me.
I'm leaving tomorrow morning for a youth camp in texas called YFN (Youth for the Nations) and I'm extremely excited. I don't know what to expect. My youth group went back in 2000, but by that time, I was only 10. God really changed and molded the heart of my youth leader on that trip and i'm just so ready to get away from the busyness of my life and focus on what really matters (eternally speaking..).
I feel like seasons of my life are ending and starting right now. Relationships with friends are changing, priorities are changing, my relationship with God is being testing in a whole new set of ways (and I want to be ready for it.)
I turned 18 in may. I'm sure alot of people who actually know me might think that is a pretty monumental thing. I found out its not. Because right when I have the freedom to do whatever I please, i sudden am shown by God that I don't have adequate wisdom to do things without consenting with God. I feel childish for thinking that I knew everything there was in life.
A world of opportunities, a billion of life changing decisions are starting to face me.
Will I go to college? Where? What for?
When will I move out of my dads house? To where? With who?
Where to get a full time job?
Who will I choose to give my heart to? (second most important decision of my entire life.)
These are just a few on my mind. And suddenly, I feel lost. I feel like I've spent the last 3 years of my life not planning for any of these things. I feel unable to make these decisions. Some people might think I sound rediculous. The reason why i I'm taking these decisions seriously is because over and over and over again, I hear from my authority, my pastor, my youth leader, my dad- that all of these decisions will impact the rest of my entire life. I want to make the right decisions. I don't know what those decisions are.
Last wednesday marked the last day for me in my youth group, and I'm moving up to campus group (for the college students.) The most memorable part of that entire night was when my friends laid their hands on me and prayed for me.
I felt the pull of God in my life again. I felt Him nudging me to cast these worries upon Him, and to trust him, and to follow him, and to love Him first. Man.. How I've failed soooo bad in those areas throughout my teens. But what got me the most, was that while my friends were praying for my future, I realized that all these decisions were not my problem. I still had to settle it in my heart that God was going to be in control of my entire life. Sure, I have my plans, I have my expectations, but actually following His way and letting my guard down, and taking that risk. I just know that if I strive to only follow God in all things- and plan the best I know how for my future, that God will show me how to make all these decisions in my life.
I want to have the presence of God with me wherever I go. Having his presence in my life is when I feel that peace. Maybe I sound crazy to whoever is reading this. But I'm desperate. I'm not talking about a worship service where I feel a tingle in my knees, and then its over and its normal life again. I want step by step leading by the presence of God. I want to have that peace with me always that surpasses all comprehension. Most of all, I just want to please God
Lately in my struggles, I've been failing, But today I'm making that choice that in all things, i will strive to please and follow God. I fail and fall because I'm not striving to be in the presence of God. Now I'm striving, and my faith has increased- and i feel the calling of God in my life.
Please comment of you wish,
Kaitlin.