(no subject)
So today I've been feeling all offy. I had (well, still have) that queasy stomach feeling, felt unsettled, mind racing and out of breath (figuratively...not literally. I was physically getting enough oxygen).
Added on to that I started to feel pissed off! So now I was also cranky! And I had NO IDEA WHY.
I sat for a good 15 minutes analyzing things, trying to figure out what was bothering me...to no avail.
I got more pissed. Ah. Well, at least I knew why I was angry. I was getting angry because I didn't know why I was feeling the above mentioned.
So then I decided to try to name what I was feeling. I first went to freaked out. But after misleading poor Dave, determined that wasn't the right feeling. Freaked out implies that there is something over the top wrong. Nothing for me was over the top wrong.
So then I went to overwhelmed. But...that didn't quite fit either. I'd been much more busy and under greater pressure in the past then I was now. I've been able to not do wedding stuff in the evenings for the past week or so. (I still have been, but it hasn't been a necessity)
So then I got more pissed...tears in the eyes because I couldn't pin point why I was being a neurotic mess.
Then. Then I figured it out.
I was stressed.
It took me over HALF A DAY to figure out that I was stressed out.
A half a day.
A whole new slew of issues came with this realization. WHY was I stressed? I had little to do this week or this weekend so why was I bugging!?
Because everything is about to change (new house, new husband (which is silly in and of itself since Dave himself isn't new...just his title will be!!), new presents, new bed, ect). And its a GREAT change. I WANT the change. However, I'm a freak and wig out about change. I cried for an hour when I found out Colleen had started dating John in high school. For no other reason than it meant it wouldn't be just John and Colleen...but rather John and Colleen. Can you see the difference there? No? My point exactly. NORMAL people don't spaz out about these things! BUT! On the bright side, I have since high school, become much better at recognizing when I'm being crazy. And now that I identified that my reaction to change was in effect...I can ignore it. That may seem crazy to you. But now when I can recognize that I'm reacting neurotically, I can basically hit the "off" switch and be done with it.
Ooo...I felt a little better.
The rest after that sort of just fell into place. My mind has been racing a mile a minute (without my permission I might add) about everything. When will people RSVP? Who has called for the Shower? Who just sent us lovely towels from Bed Bath and Beyond and BBB didn't put a name on it? Who do I write a thank you card to? How will the actual events of the day go? What will our first song be? I need to get tulle still. Will there be a hiccup in getting the marriage license? Why the hell don't I have eggs and why am I trying to make brownies without them? Will this villa lease go through and can I negotiate tomorrow without getting my "corporate America" voice and coming across as strictly business/no BS which people seem to get uppity about (seriously though...it's business people. Sure lets do our chit chat, but when we get down to work...why can't I be no nonsense?)? And a thousand others.
Stupid brain. *I* wasn't worrying about all these things! *I* was going with the flow...what will be will be...c'est la vie! Apparently I forgot to tell my head.
So! I will remind my brain to adopt Dave's policy about all of this "The worst that can happen is we get married" and eat a brownie and when I wake up tomorrow, all will be better.
But. I still need some serious cuddle/de-stress/support time from my one and only.
Added on to that I started to feel pissed off! So now I was also cranky! And I had NO IDEA WHY.
I sat for a good 15 minutes analyzing things, trying to figure out what was bothering me...to no avail.
I got more pissed. Ah. Well, at least I knew why I was angry. I was getting angry because I didn't know why I was feeling the above mentioned.
So then I decided to try to name what I was feeling. I first went to freaked out. But after misleading poor Dave, determined that wasn't the right feeling. Freaked out implies that there is something over the top wrong. Nothing for me was over the top wrong.
So then I went to overwhelmed. But...that didn't quite fit either. I'd been much more busy and under greater pressure in the past then I was now. I've been able to not do wedding stuff in the evenings for the past week or so. (I still have been, but it hasn't been a necessity)
So then I got more pissed...tears in the eyes because I couldn't pin point why I was being a neurotic mess.
Then. Then I figured it out.
I was stressed.
It took me over HALF A DAY to figure out that I was stressed out.
A half a day.
A whole new slew of issues came with this realization. WHY was I stressed? I had little to do this week or this weekend so why was I bugging!?
Because everything is about to change (new house, new husband (which is silly in and of itself since Dave himself isn't new...just his title will be!!), new presents, new bed, ect). And its a GREAT change. I WANT the change. However, I'm a freak and wig out about change. I cried for an hour when I found out Colleen had started dating John in high school. For no other reason than it meant it wouldn't be just John and Colleen...but rather John and Colleen. Can you see the difference there? No? My point exactly. NORMAL people don't spaz out about these things! BUT! On the bright side, I have since high school, become much better at recognizing when I'm being crazy. And now that I identified that my reaction to change was in effect...I can ignore it. That may seem crazy to you. But now when I can recognize that I'm reacting neurotically, I can basically hit the "off" switch and be done with it.
Ooo...I felt a little better.
The rest after that sort of just fell into place. My mind has been racing a mile a minute (without my permission I might add) about everything. When will people RSVP? Who has called for the Shower? Who just sent us lovely towels from Bed Bath and Beyond and BBB didn't put a name on it? Who do I write a thank you card to? How will the actual events of the day go? What will our first song be? I need to get tulle still. Will there be a hiccup in getting the marriage license? Why the hell don't I have eggs and why am I trying to make brownies without them? Will this villa lease go through and can I negotiate tomorrow without getting my "corporate America" voice and coming across as strictly business/no BS which people seem to get uppity about (seriously though...it's business people. Sure lets do our chit chat, but when we get down to work...why can't I be no nonsense?)? And a thousand others.
Stupid brain. *I* wasn't worrying about all these things! *I* was going with the flow...what will be will be...c'est la vie! Apparently I forgot to tell my head.
So! I will remind my brain to adopt Dave's policy about all of this "The worst that can happen is we get married" and eat a brownie and when I wake up tomorrow, all will be better.
But. I still need some serious cuddle/de-stress/support time from my one and only.