random thoughts
first A in geometry ever today!
how exciting!
Ive come to realize i dont care about much anymore. i dont care if people like me or not. im not sugar coating relationships anymore, im saying it how it is. im not pretending to be friends with the people that i dont like anymore. Im not mean to them, im just not pretending to be there best friend.
When i think about it, i really only have about five or six friends. i like it that way.
i hate highschool so much. people have changed too much, too fast. classes are too long. nights are too short. mornings are too early. time with my few friends are too rare. i need a break, already.
i wish you were here to tell me its okay im not good at geometry. i miss you a lot. especially at night when i think about everything. i wish i could talk to you. sometimes im selfish and i wish that you were still here, even though i know your one thousand times happier, where you are now. i dont know why i still talk to you, or write to you, if i was smart i would know you cant hear me. but in my mind i think that your listening and talking back. in my mind were still as close as we use to be. but my mind is confused, and my mind doesnt make sense. i wish that you had known that i loved you. and that you were doing the wrong things to make us happy. i never wanted you to have a great job, and to be atheletic, and to make a lot of money. i wanted you to be home when i was there, and to tuck me in at night. but you didnt know that. you thought i wanted those other things, and when you werent able to provide the great job and lots of money you thought you failed me. you have it all wrong. the only time you let me down, was when you werent around anymore. when you hid away from us. when you chose drinking over us. i wish that you had known that i wanted you to be around, and how worried i was for you. i wish you never left that night. and i wish you had come back home. i wish we could have found you or gotten ahold of you before it was too late. i wish i knew what really happend. what were you thinking? but maybe you werent thinking, cause you were drunk. i dont know what happend exactly. i probably never will. but i know that i love you. nothing could ever change that. nothing. i dont know if you can see me. or see how much i miss you. how much i cry about you. i wish you could meet my friends. you dont know most of my true friends. cause i didnt know how amazing they were while you were still around. but you will meet them one day. hopefully a long time from now cause i dont want them to be leaving me any time soon. anyways. this is my letter to you, even though you will never be able to read it. i only hope that you already know these things. I love you.