(no subject)
Gosh. I dont know where to start. I have so much crap going through my head right now. I just need to let it all out I guess, but I dont know if I should really say it. I dont like people being in my thoughts, but this is just bugging me SO much.
Everytime I think of Chris, and I mean EVERYTIME, this song just plays in my head. I know most of you have probably never heard it but it's a song by Fallout Boy. One single line plays over and over again... "I'll be your best kept secret and your biggest mistake." I feel like I'm a bad person. But at the same time, I dont. I dont know. It confuses me.
I started dating Josh again and I'm extremely happy about that. But we dont talk often and it's very frustrating. It's already bad enough that we live hundreds of miles away from each other, and then the fact that sometimes we go a few days without talking is very heartbreaking and it hurts.
I got a job, but I havent started the training for it yet and I'm starting to get frustrated with that as well. I NEED a job. Cars + insurance and all that other crap isnt free. And I need to start saving up so that I can move out because I can NOT live with my parents forever. I'll kill myself before that happens.
I'm hoping that sometime within the next year and a half - two years, I can get enough saved up to be able to move out and get an apartment with Josh.
I was thinking about him today because well, obviously he's my boyfriend so I'm gonna think about him, but there's just so much about him that I love. And he doesnt understand what I see in him. One of the last times we were together he asked me what was so great about him and I was being honest when I said everything, but he said it was just a cop-out. But I do think everything about him is great. He makes me a better person when I'm with him. But, the point I was trying to get at, I was thinking about him and I realized that he's the only guy I could ever possibly see myself with in the future. I can see myself marrying him. I've never been able to do that with any other guy.
Life isn't the best right now, but it's not complete shit I suppose. School starts in January for me so I'm excited. It'll be nice to get out of this house and not be going to one of my parents' offices to do work for them. I'm surprised that I'm actually looking forward to school. I always hated highschool, but now I realize that I actually like school.
I dont know, I guess this entry was completely useless but I just wanted to get some things out I suppose.
Blah. I ramble too much.
Everytime I think of Chris, and I mean EVERYTIME, this song just plays in my head. I know most of you have probably never heard it but it's a song by Fallout Boy. One single line plays over and over again... "I'll be your best kept secret and your biggest mistake." I feel like I'm a bad person. But at the same time, I dont. I dont know. It confuses me.
I started dating Josh again and I'm extremely happy about that. But we dont talk often and it's very frustrating. It's already bad enough that we live hundreds of miles away from each other, and then the fact that sometimes we go a few days without talking is very heartbreaking and it hurts.
I got a job, but I havent started the training for it yet and I'm starting to get frustrated with that as well. I NEED a job. Cars + insurance and all that other crap isnt free. And I need to start saving up so that I can move out because I can NOT live with my parents forever. I'll kill myself before that happens.
I'm hoping that sometime within the next year and a half - two years, I can get enough saved up to be able to move out and get an apartment with Josh.
I was thinking about him today because well, obviously he's my boyfriend so I'm gonna think about him, but there's just so much about him that I love. And he doesnt understand what I see in him. One of the last times we were together he asked me what was so great about him and I was being honest when I said everything, but he said it was just a cop-out. But I do think everything about him is great. He makes me a better person when I'm with him. But, the point I was trying to get at, I was thinking about him and I realized that he's the only guy I could ever possibly see myself with in the future. I can see myself marrying him. I've never been able to do that with any other guy.
Life isn't the best right now, but it's not complete shit I suppose. School starts in January for me so I'm excited. It'll be nice to get out of this house and not be going to one of my parents' offices to do work for them. I'm surprised that I'm actually looking forward to school. I always hated highschool, but now I realize that I actually like school.
I dont know, I guess this entry was completely useless but I just wanted to get some things out I suppose.
Blah. I ramble too much.