::sighs:::
Yea worked sucked today was bored out of my mind the whol time.my manic depression has been going on off like crazy,the only time iam happy is wen I'm with deb.I usualy wen iam by my self just sit and think a lot, alittile bit to much if u ask me. My views on things chang alot,sumtimes I wonder wut will I be were will I be in the near future.iam verry unhappy with myself I think I could be better butt wen I try to make my self bettter I seem to get no were.every night wen I try to sleep I juzz lay there stareing up into the dark thinking wondering about everything. I have a sleeping problem now it seems.I get anxiety a lot now like crazy.iv also noitced noone reads this shit.well my manic is kiking in again ill prob juzz lye awake for a long ass time and wake up late tommorow.wen ever iam home tho its like I think to my self I juzz want tommorow to come every night the same thing I juzz always wanna kno wut tommorow will bring,wut the future will bring?I guess in the back of my mind I juzz wanna prepair my self for wut ever it is,good or bad. Life seems alomost like its a game u roll the dice and u make it tommorows out come. We live each day like its nothing never thinking of tommorow unless there's sumkind of negitive situation going on at the moment.were pretty much like animals most of don't think,alls we do is eat sleep shit and play and for sum work are asses off through it.most kidds live life like its nothing .they just waist it away threw drugs and alchol and sloth them selfes away through drugs and alcohol.ud thin kids would learn from there mestakes and try to better them selfs from the leassons trying to be taught to them butt no they just get worse and worse and kill themselfes a little bit each day after day not realizeing wut they have or the abillitys they have. Every ones depressed or unhappy about sumthing,themselfes,life,outhers,thre guilt.butt everyones affraid of showing cuz of the fear of no boddy excepting it.everyone now a days is juzz set on popularity,will this one like me,will that crew want to hang out with me?will I fit in?these are questions that hide deep inside a lot of us,I juzz don't understand why.is it really worth fakeing a smile for the sake of your so called friends?is it worth talking shit about ur best friend from yrs ago juzz so outhers will like you?iv droped most of my friends for the simple fact that they've evolved into thi popularty freak.the pheane off this type of bullshit.everyone has become so fake it sickins me.one day sum of my old friends are punk the next day they say they hate punk and like metal than the next minut o iam so gehtto.who gives a fuck?even my own wut u would called kind is arogant and consieded.people never relize that a lot of things they say affect peope hard down inside and hurt them severly to the point of crying as soon as there alone.alls most peaole care is themselfes and only themselfes.why can't everyone just leave everyone alone and no make there life harder makeing nasty comments and makein them feel so shity?this is not how things are sapose to be butt they become to be this.people are always threating outhers iam gunna kik so and so's ass cuzz they said sumthing I didint like,or iam gunna jump so and so cuzz they looked at me wrong. Its retarded and wrong and everyone does this cuzz they wanna feel like "god" for 15 secs,they want there fame and glory,its really not worth it if u ask me.I juzz hope who ever reads this juzz thinks for a moment and thinks about wut I wrote and said.juzz think of outhers and think of how u affect them by your childish anticks please..