Even when surrounded friends, I am truly alone.
On the way home from Star Wars a sad scene happened. I was sharing my thought on one part of the movie and I was ignored three time. Finally, when I had everyone's attention and I was almost finished with what I was saying, Emma interrupted me. Usually, I'm a pretty calm person, and when stuff like that happens, I go on with life. But this has happens way tooooo many times for me to even count and for too often. I was so hurt that I just shut down.
It seems that everytime I try to share my life with someone, I just get shut out so easily. Music, shows, stories. I'm always interrupted, ignored, or the person just doesn't give it a chance. It's happened not just with friends, but with family as well. It feels as if though I'm not even worth listening too. So why talk, eh? Why share my life with someone who doesn't even half listen to me? And my family wonders why I don't have a relationship with them, they don't listen to me. The only one that really listens to me is my brother. And he shouldn't be the only one.
My heart is starting to grow cold. So many things that would move me or make me feel are not any more. So many bad things are happening to me, that I'm just becoming numb and embracing the pain. Surrounding myself in a world of lonliness and cold, numbing pain. I'm so negative now, I used to be a positive person, always seeing the good in everything. I hardly see anything good in the world now. All I see is evil, selfish-ness, and hate. I feel so un-loved and so un-wanted.
Me and Emma had an argument, it never got resolved. It made me so sad. Before I left she said something to me that I will never forget. She said, "I'm sorry I'm not the friend that I should be, and never will be the friend that I could be." I knew what she meant, and I didn't. I just hope that it doesn't mean that our friendship is over. If so, that will really depress me, and not make my situation better. I've already had two people to withdraw themselves from my life. Another would be just devastating.
It seems that everytime I try to share my life with someone, I just get shut out so easily. Music, shows, stories. I'm always interrupted, ignored, or the person just doesn't give it a chance. It's happened not just with friends, but with family as well. It feels as if though I'm not even worth listening too. So why talk, eh? Why share my life with someone who doesn't even half listen to me? And my family wonders why I don't have a relationship with them, they don't listen to me. The only one that really listens to me is my brother. And he shouldn't be the only one.
My heart is starting to grow cold. So many things that would move me or make me feel are not any more. So many bad things are happening to me, that I'm just becoming numb and embracing the pain. Surrounding myself in a world of lonliness and cold, numbing pain. I'm so negative now, I used to be a positive person, always seeing the good in everything. I hardly see anything good in the world now. All I see is evil, selfish-ness, and hate. I feel so un-loved and so un-wanted.
Me and Emma had an argument, it never got resolved. It made me so sad. Before I left she said something to me that I will never forget. She said, "I'm sorry I'm not the friend that I should be, and never will be the friend that I could be." I knew what she meant, and I didn't. I just hope that it doesn't mean that our friendship is over. If so, that will really depress me, and not make my situation better. I've already had two people to withdraw themselves from my life. Another would be just devastating.