a fabulous start to summer...no joke.
i dont know how to discribe my feelings right now. so i guess, an update since about...wednesday. stayed out til like, 2...last day of class on thursday. failed exams, i suppose...oh well. thursday i didnt feel like doing anything, and i was so much better off.
i got more hours at work, thankfully.
frank is good, hes such an evil little dog, sometimes. he bites effing everything...and when he sleeps hes so cute....i kinda wish i didnt have him, though. because my family is so fucked up...and i dont really have time to take care of him properly...and my mom is just gonna fuck him up like she did to her kids...
and...i dunno.
i feel like crying.
im so embarassed that aj was here today when my parents were fighting and drunk and what not.
so embarrassed.
and last night we all went to see these like, car races out near Holiday Park...it was cool, but i kinda didnt think aj wanted me to go...
and last night like, i could have found other stuff to do...but i feel really bad hanging out with other guys...who (in the past or whatever) havent been just friends.
i dont wanna put myself in a situation to fuck up my relationship with aj...so last night i mean, im sure he was glad that i was there, but at the same time...he wanted to just go out and...whatever...
i feel clingy. :-/
and tonight...i didnt really make other plans than...dun dun dun...to hang out with aj...and he said i could go or whatever...but again, same thing...dont know what to do.
...and i coulda hung out with jordan, or jimmy and her friend...or...1000 other things, or parties or whatever...
BLEH!
...but i dont want to?
on a...happier note, i guess...i think im gonna get this red 240sx. its sexy, i want it.
my stepdad is all supportive of the newer car thing, but wants me to actually get a NEW car, and he said he'd buy it...but...i dont want him to. i want something thats my own...because i appreciate things more when theyre not handed to me.
and...my family (if you could call it that) is completely falling apart, i guess.
its...whatever.
maybe im glad its over?
and the notion that the...dog...would bring the family closer was completely bogus because i think it just put icing on the cake of hatred.
now i hate everyone.
...i never want a family, or kids, or a husband...because im afraid itll all turn out like this.
...and...that is a well thought end to my glowing angst.
PoD-aj, of course
SoD- out of control