random thoughts

[xxghostgirlxx]

maybe the fact that i wasnt honest with you is why im feeling like this right now, or maybe the fact that i was too scared to let you in again is why im feeling like this, regardless of what i did i feel like shit and i have this sinking feeling that its not going to work if i can only see you on the weekends, but then again i feel so selfish for saying that i didnt want you to go. The fact that i miss you already is becomming overwhelming and i dont really want to feel like this all day when i have to go to a wedding and act all happy and shit, so i popped a vicoden and now the wait happens for the comfortably numb feeling to set in. the one thing that i know for sure is that i will devour a pint to myself later and not worry about anything because i have the pre determined excuse of being drunk. maybe things happen and they should be left as just instances in time instead of becomming something worth a damn. maybe im just too fucked right now to know weather this is what i really want or im just lonely. maybe i say maybe too much and i should shit or get off the pot. whatever its my fault i knew what was going on but me being the headstrong bitch that i am, i let myself think that id be okay, well i wasnt okay 7 months ago when you left so i dont know what the fuck would make me think that id be okay now. whatever im tired of thinking and worrying and being fucking sad and you havent even been gone for a full 24 hours.

i just want something concrete, something that i know is going to be there in the morning when i wake up with a hangover and i see you laying next to me, something that when i get outta the bar too drunk to stand i know that you'll be there so laugh at me cuz i cant form sentences.

fuck whatever this vicoden needs to kick in.