the emotional domino effect
You ever have a deep conversation with someone and as you listen to them or you're giving advice, you start to relate or think about memories you once put in the "things to forget" file in your brain? Then as u recall all the bad times, you remember the good times and the emotions just gush out and smack you across the face like a giant brick and you just can't help but think: "awwwww man....what the fuck is wrong with me??" However, at the same time, you get a chance to look back and think about all that happened and once it's all done, you should think about how much you have learned and grown and realize that if all that didn't happen, you would not be the way you are now.
A few years ago, this would have been different. After the conversation, I would have most likely be in a slump and beat myself up over the most insignificant things. I realized I would just waste my time worrying and wasting away emotions for things and people that would be like a random pebble on the ground that I'd eventually just walk past. Instead I have learned or at least tried to be more optimistic with what life has to give. Yes I have been shitted on and yes life hasn't gone my way however I'm sick of letting it get to me. My only problem is that I have accidentally gotten rid of my long term self motivation.
Sometimes I sit and think about where is my life going and where do I want it to go. Unfortunately the more I think about it the less happy I am with my current life. As I told someone, I honestly feel like I have nothing to look forward to. It's as if I've given up on life, yet at the same time I've gotten to the repetitive point where the only reason to get out of bed is because of a daily routine or a mandatory event. What's the use of having so many wonderful qualities and assets to offer the world if the world is gonna close it's doors? That's kind of how I feel. I'm not saying I'm upset or angry at myself or anyone. I just feel very blank. Like a dry erase board and the times I am out and doing something where it seems like I'm happy, it's because someone else is writing or drawing their happiness on me so I'm forced to reflect that.
I think I just desperately need a vacation from my life. I truly believe that if I have my alone time away from eveything and everyone, I will finally realize what I want out of life. Not saying I'm totally clueless but the things I currently want, don't really pertain to me, but the people I care about. As much as I love them, I need to take my own advice and find what makes me happy and then I can focus on the happiness of someone else. If not, the only happiness I'll know will be nothing more then a lie. Hopefully this can happen, if not then I don't know what to do anymore. The more I'm exposed to the life I thought I had, the more I dislike the direction it's going. I think I'm due for my life changing experience thou I'm not sure how much I can hold on to the present.
A few years ago, this would have been different. After the conversation, I would have most likely be in a slump and beat myself up over the most insignificant things. I realized I would just waste my time worrying and wasting away emotions for things and people that would be like a random pebble on the ground that I'd eventually just walk past. Instead I have learned or at least tried to be more optimistic with what life has to give. Yes I have been shitted on and yes life hasn't gone my way however I'm sick of letting it get to me. My only problem is that I have accidentally gotten rid of my long term self motivation.
Sometimes I sit and think about where is my life going and where do I want it to go. Unfortunately the more I think about it the less happy I am with my current life. As I told someone, I honestly feel like I have nothing to look forward to. It's as if I've given up on life, yet at the same time I've gotten to the repetitive point where the only reason to get out of bed is because of a daily routine or a mandatory event. What's the use of having so many wonderful qualities and assets to offer the world if the world is gonna close it's doors? That's kind of how I feel. I'm not saying I'm upset or angry at myself or anyone. I just feel very blank. Like a dry erase board and the times I am out and doing something where it seems like I'm happy, it's because someone else is writing or drawing their happiness on me so I'm forced to reflect that.
I think I just desperately need a vacation from my life. I truly believe that if I have my alone time away from eveything and everyone, I will finally realize what I want out of life. Not saying I'm totally clueless but the things I currently want, don't really pertain to me, but the people I care about. As much as I love them, I need to take my own advice and find what makes me happy and then I can focus on the happiness of someone else. If not, the only happiness I'll know will be nothing more then a lie. Hopefully this can happen, if not then I don't know what to do anymore. The more I'm exposed to the life I thought I had, the more I dislike the direction it's going. I think I'm due for my life changing experience thou I'm not sure how much I can hold on to the present.