i've never felt so much at home.
i've been doing a lot of thinking lately about certain people and i've come to the conclusion that people are fucked up, royally especially when it comes to lying and cheating their way out of certain situations.
people remind me of a rat backed into a corner and when confronted, the rat proceeds to get a squimish and anxious. it's willing to do anything to get out that situation - hence the lying and the cheating part.
honestly, in my opinion as well as a couple people that i hold dear to my heart, it's so much better to tell the truth then it is to lie to someone. i personally like to think i am a mentally and emotionally strong human being - i believe they call this maturity. i would rather be told straight up about a situation then have to pry into a person to get answers from he/she.
those answers could be as broad as 'is the sky blue today?' or 'are you dating him/her?'. don't lie to me. don't lead me on. don't play fucking mind games. lying is not the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off, and it's certainly not fun to be lied to especially to someone that you've spent a significant amount of time with emotionally investing yourself into.
knives are fun for some, but to me i really don't like pulling them out of my heart or my back. i know for a fact that you need me, and i think that deep down inside of yourself you know you need me too. i think you're scared to grow up and when faced with this reality, you become the rat that is mentioned above.
you lie, you cheat and you steal. you lie through your teeth about things, you cheat people out of feelings and emotions, and you steal their hearts and break them. you're supposed to be mature, you're supposed to know the difference between right and wrong, and what you're doing is so drastically wrong you can't even begin to distinguish where the starting point was for you.
you don't understand that when you do come back to reality from your warped, twisted little lifestyle you're living, you're going to regret (hopefully) a lot of things that you've done in the past. you've hurt a lot of people that supposedly, you care about a lot, you've made a lot of wrong first impressions, and you've lost a lot of potential in yourself.
you've changed as a human being and to be completely honest i hope that only one day you realise the mistakes that you've made and continue to make as a person, and look back on them in your reflection and realise that you've hurt me in ways that you can't begin to comprehend nor can i begin to describe that feeling to you.
maybe one day regret will hit you like a brick and as i always say karma (we know what you think about it) will kick you in the ass.
ask anyone.
unfortunately or fortunately, however you look at the situation, this is my goodbye to you. if you or if you don't read this then i really don't know what to say. i cant begin to tell you how i feel about you and what you're doing with your life because everytime i try i feel like i'm talking to a brick wall. it never goes anywhere with you, we always end back at square one.
if you read this, then maybe you'll get it - finally. odds are though, since you're a myspace slut you won't recieve this bulletin at all and it's quite the possibility that i am wasting my time writing this, however, if you do get this and read it, i want you to know the something.
i loved you a lot, and im not quite sure at this point in time if i still continue to love you at all. as a human being i think you've fucked up a lot, as a person i think you've got some potentional left, as a spirit i think you're a horrible person.
you've got no moral, no ethical balance between what's 'right' and whats 'wrong, you don't have respect for anyone except the third leg of yours and your ego. you're cocky to the point where it makes a person want to throw up, you're lame, you're immature and trendy. you're what they call an over-night scene kid. you're unoriginal and rediculous.
you're growing into your adult years and you're still messing around with niave little girls who don't any different. you're the biggest creap i know and i can't stress this enough. no matter how you look at the situation, if you look at it in black or if you look at it in white, you're creapy.
you meet girls who are still in high school and have nothing better to do with their lives than to sit on myspace and then you toy with them. you play with their emotions and then ultimately end up hurting them. what it boils down to is that you're constantly meeting people off of the internet and then going to their houses and what not.
what happens behind closed doors is your business - i dont want to know because i'd like to keep my dinner down.
you always say you want someone who's got their life in order and knows where they're headed in life. well, you had one and you lost it. you broke her heart but you never broke her spirit. i know what i want, how i'm going to get it, where i will be in a couple years and what i ultimately want out of life. it's something called goals, you should set some for yourself.
so now that im offically done with this, im going to go ahead and post this, close out of myspace and start a new chapter in my life - once again.
this time it's going to be without you, forever. call me once and a while to see how i'm doing. it would be lovely to hear from you and see how things are going, i just hope it's not that one phone call you get from jail because no i will not bail you out of jail for child molestation.
one day i can only hope that you will see that i was right. you will regret never taking that jump to get back into a relationship with me, one day you'll see the mistakes you've made as a human being, a friend, an ex-boyfriend.
you've broken my heart, but not my spirit.
you can keep your two year old drama.
i only hope the lifestyle you've chosen for yourself is something that you want for a long time, because i know for a fact it's going to fade out and you're going to be left in the dust wondering where the hell you went wrong.
and i can tell you just where it all started.
xo katie.