(no subject)
Being blunt, I have some problems that need resolving.
Although this isn't a direct request for assistance, input on this subject would be appreciated (Correct me if I'm wrong but Mel are you not taking psych in school?)
I seem to have no desire to go to school, I'm more concerned with pursuits of my heart and regaining what I consider to be my lost childhood. I'm not sure exactly why, but I know I was never the generic child. For whatever reason I had matured much quicker, so I think I missed out on a lot. I can't really say this for sure however, due to a lack of childhood memories. I really have no idea of my life prior to my parents divorce, although I highly doubt that being a cause of the lost memory. I know for a fact that I should be going to school every day, and trying at the least, but I just don't feel like it. Sorry for being off topic right now but I feel that I should say that I'm not complaining about my life or anything, I'm actually happier now than I can ever recall being. Back onto the school topic, I can go into work, work my ass off and feel happy about it. For whatever reason however, school does not have the same effect on me. I do enjoy the idea that I'll have a good paying career in the future, but I still don't care about it because I'm completely happy where I am now. I know I've got good things going for me, and to me going towards the future risks these things. I don't want to risk this happiness, it's something I haven't had much of in my re-collective life (I was a very depressed child, at the age of 9 or so openly admitting that I hated my life to my mother, I feel horrible now I can't imagine how she must have felt), always contemplating my existence and concluding that it was far less than just simply a waste of space. Is it me that is flawed, or society for requiring individuals to conform to the constant pursuit of money, where as I simply wish to pursue happiness. It's not like I'm stepping on anyone's toes, I mind my own business and try to help where I can. Money really is nothing to me, but I know enough to save enough to cover my bills. I don't really care about my appearance. Speaking English properly has recently become a thing to do on my list, although it is a futile pursuit in cogitation of the decline of society. As well as speaking proper English, I feel almost left alone in my upholding of old ideals (treating women properly etc.)
I know the thing I should do, suck it up, go to school and pass, live my life as it comes. Yet despite this knowledge, I also know that quite possibly things will never be better for me. I suppose you can say this scares me. It damned well should.
Although this isn't a direct request for assistance, input on this subject would be appreciated (Correct me if I'm wrong but Mel are you not taking psych in school?)
I seem to have no desire to go to school, I'm more concerned with pursuits of my heart and regaining what I consider to be my lost childhood. I'm not sure exactly why, but I know I was never the generic child. For whatever reason I had matured much quicker, so I think I missed out on a lot. I can't really say this for sure however, due to a lack of childhood memories. I really have no idea of my life prior to my parents divorce, although I highly doubt that being a cause of the lost memory. I know for a fact that I should be going to school every day, and trying at the least, but I just don't feel like it. Sorry for being off topic right now but I feel that I should say that I'm not complaining about my life or anything, I'm actually happier now than I can ever recall being. Back onto the school topic, I can go into work, work my ass off and feel happy about it. For whatever reason however, school does not have the same effect on me. I do enjoy the idea that I'll have a good paying career in the future, but I still don't care about it because I'm completely happy where I am now. I know I've got good things going for me, and to me going towards the future risks these things. I don't want to risk this happiness, it's something I haven't had much of in my re-collective life (I was a very depressed child, at the age of 9 or so openly admitting that I hated my life to my mother, I feel horrible now I can't imagine how she must have felt), always contemplating my existence and concluding that it was far less than just simply a waste of space. Is it me that is flawed, or society for requiring individuals to conform to the constant pursuit of money, where as I simply wish to pursue happiness. It's not like I'm stepping on anyone's toes, I mind my own business and try to help where I can. Money really is nothing to me, but I know enough to save enough to cover my bills. I don't really care about my appearance. Speaking English properly has recently become a thing to do on my list, although it is a futile pursuit in cogitation of the decline of society. As well as speaking proper English, I feel almost left alone in my upholding of old ideals (treating women properly etc.)
I know the thing I should do, suck it up, go to school and pass, live my life as it comes. Yet despite this knowledge, I also know that quite possibly things will never be better for me. I suppose you can say this scares me. It damned well should.