(no subject)

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thanks to all of my friends for making me feel a high

for about a month. it was nice being happy in a loongggg time.
there are so many things i want to do.
i want to go back to counseling. because it truly is nice having someone to talk to that knows nothing about you and will let you get it off of your chest without you feeling guilty about either talking shit about someone if you have to let it out, or just sharing your good thoughts.

i want to get tested for OCD, seriously. it's not about the physcial stuff with that disorder, but i want to get tested for it mentally. i seriously have such a fucking sick mind and i honestly can't walk into a room without thinking "if someone had a gun, who would get shot first?.. who here would kill who?" etc etc

i want a nice photography camera really bad. i want a long hair chihuahua.

i want a real friend. or at least at solid clique of best friends. for instance, say my mom would only let me take five girls out for a bithday dinner.. i couldn't pick just five because either some of them hate eachother, aren't friends, have nothing in common, or are even true friends. i can't pick out five girls that have honestly been there for me and that i could call and have a talk with if something was wrong. but i would definitly have to pick christine, alicia, and ashley because they are the only ones who smile when i say hi or come in sight with them.

i want a boyfriend.

i want to lose weight in my thighs, hips, and stomach.

i want to clean my room and bathroom.

i want to geting my nails done.

i want to get the three surgerys that i need just over with. please don't ask about them.

i want pms to disapeer.

i just don't know anymore.
please don't comment on this.