My ranting and raving for the week
I hope everyone is delightfully content.
I wish I knew more about things.
I wish people would stop telling me what I am or things about me.
I'm painfully aware.
I have surges of pure happiness.
Followed by nonsocial detached thoughts.
I wish he remembered more.
I wish I remembered less.
It's okay where I am right now.
But I sense that something better could be achieved.
Maybe I don't care.
Maybe I care too much.
I let things get to me.
Like, things that people say.
I know that's because I care too much.
I say things too, but I never mean for them to be hurtful.
I'm sorry if I have ever hurt anyone. I wouldn't on purpose.
I know I should want certain people to be gratified.
I think I'm too selfish for that.
Maybe bitter is a better word.
It could be that I'm just tired of everyone else winning.
I hope I get content enough with myself one day that I like my person all the time.
The past two days I've had feelings of correct placement.
Like, I belonged in that place in that very moment.
And I was there.
That feeling is settling, and I wish I had it more often.
I wish things were still simple.
When I was a little kid everything was okay or better than ok.
I think that as people get older they acquire the feeling of not being okay.
It's like the acquired fear emotion.
People aren't born with that.
Eventually we learn that sometimes things aren't okay.
Then it gets complicated.
Sometimes we think things shouldn't be okay because we've set some standard.
If people lowered their standard of okay, then maybe people would be okay more often.
Sometimes I'm really dumb, and I know this.
That only makes it worse.
Maybe that's not the right word.
I guess if I knew I was being dumb I'd stop.
Man, I wanted so badly to ask for a story.
But I didn't want to hear 'I don't know one.'
Because if a person wants to, they can think of words to say.
It really builds endurance to miss someone, and not be able to do anything about it.
Or to miss someone and know that one of you could.
I get so tired of trying, and reading people. And I'm so sick of games.
I wish I was pretty. Or that I thought I was.
I want to be skinny and wear pig tails forever.
I wish I had an apple.
It would be cool if I could mentally send songs to people, and make them understand things through it.
I miss the good times.
Bevo isn't around enough.
I think too much, and I speak too weak.
All I need is a hug, the ones that make you close your eyes real tight.
I hate it when sadness finally hits.
Because once it hits, it starts kicking my ass.
However, those people that make me happy and make me laugh are even more important.
Music is supposed to solve things, but damn, sometimes it makes them harder.
Songs can have so much meaning that I just conjure up out of nowhere. Why do I do that?
Confusion pisses me off, and I wish I was super uber friggin smart and just knew what to do all of the time. Or fake like I do. Then I could be all self assured and cool like. I wish I was cool.