jsut wanted to get it out
I talked to my ex boyfriend tonight. We actually had a civilized conversation. No yelling, no cussing. Well...not really. Im not really at the "I hate him" stage anymore. On the contrary, he did hurt me by doing what he did, but at least now I know why he did it wasn't because of me.
Thinking about that stuff makes me really grateful for what I have now. I have the best boyfriend in the entire universe. Sure we have our arguements about stupid petty stuff, but when it comes down to it in the end, we both care about each other more than anything in the world. Thats what makes me want this day to end, so I can start a new one and see him again. Seeing him makes my whole attitude brighter. When im with him, Im always smiling on the inside (because im not always smiling on the outside) I dont want to lose this one. This is my guy. This is the guy ive been wanting to have, the one ive been waiting for. Weve been through alot of B.S in the past 9 months that we spent together, and through it all weve lost and learned. But learning through your mistakes is really the best way to learn anythng at all. We have both said and done things to hurt each other and i know we both regret every bit of it. I hate hurting him. Seeing him upset hurts me so much I cant even cry. I want to cry, i try to cry, but it wont even come out. I hate that feeling. When I have to go an entire weekend without seeing him at all., it makes me feel so empty inside. Like my other half is completely gone. I dont know what to do with myself when hes not around.
Theres always that part of me that is so afriad sometimes, that he will find someone else..............Whenever i used to see other guys, i would say "Oh hey hes really cute", now its more like...."oh well ....hes okay but mine is much better".And i hope he says the same thing when he sees that "really hott chick with the banging body"
When I look in his eyes.... I see who he really is. I see past all the smart ass comments and jokes he makes. I see past his "tough" outer shell that most boys seem to inherit. I see him. And when i get mad at him sometimes and want to hate him i realize : I need him. I need his voice. I need his face and the sideways smile he gets when i make myself look like a complete dummy.so I need everything he is, i need him in my life
I want to be the best person i can be for him so he knows how much I love him. I would give up forever for him. And I know , we still have alot of learning to do. but we have all the time in the world to do it, and theres noone I would rather spend my time with.
I love this kid
Tonight I think I figured something out about myself.....I like to draw. wow.