May 19, 2010 12:48
College drama again. I won't get into details, but let's just say the potential-blot on my record is bothering me. ;)
Also, my professor really, really, really wants me to do the whole grad school thing. She wants me to apply to the summer MA program (which, depending on costs, I am down to do. It's just two summers, after all).
She also wants to talk to me about my history and why I feel that I'm not as bright as your average star. Umm? Must we? Can't I just bury the past under a heavy layer of not-thinking-about-it? The whole bottling up my past and pain thing has worked well so far, why mess with a good thing?
But I understand where she's coming from. She wants to discern if I am mentally strong enough to handle the pressure of competition--not in the MA program, but in the PhD one. I am strong, when I need to be. But I do so hate competition. Lord.
But if I have a PhD, my voice will be more respected. I think I may be able to accomplish more good on this earth if I have the ear of those with authority. And a doctor is more respectable, in our society, than is someone simply with a bachelors. And truly? I want to impact the world. My dreams are not small, and will take such means to accomplish them as befitting them.
Ah...I shall overcome. Whatever my decision will be, I will prevail. Why? Because, when I set my mind to something, I accomplish it. Simple as that.