December Leaves pt. 1
She could only hear the dripping of the faucet as she stared at herself in the mirror. She was… What was she? She was glued together by some unknown force. For this she was entirely grateful. She couldn’t stand the thought of falling apart in front of people that respected her, much less people that had no respect for her at all. She had a reputation to uphold and she would fight with everything she had, and didn’t have, to do so.
She would fight for that so others wouldn’t see her other struggle: her inner struggle. It caused her so much pain and scarring loss and she had every right to be angry and violent. But she wasn’t. She refused to be, because that would mean her situation would win. She would win. Her. Lei.
The thought was too much for her to handle. She loved what she had. She loved how people saw her. Intelligent. Powerful. A little intimidating, but in a good way. Lei would not bring her down like before. She didn’t want to be homeless again. The thought of digging in dumpsters flashed through her mind. She clenched her fists and took a deep breath. She muttered, “No” to herself out loud. Over and over.
Yes, was the response. Lei was back for the second time that night. She seemed…eerily calm, which was never a good sign from her. Anger she could handle. Calm. Well, that meant Lei was too far gone to tame. Are you going to just ignore me all night? I deserve to have a nice time too. Lee? Answer me. You know you’re only hurting yourself when you ignore me. You’re the only company I have. You will talk to me or I swear I will ruin this for you. I’ll just have you make a confession and you’ll lose that cozy little job of yours. Got it? You know what I’m capable of.
“Lei… Yes, I understand. I’m sorry. I just have a headache. I didn’t mean to upset you. Now, it’s really not necessary for you to ruin anything. You can go back to sleep. We’ll talk when I get back home.” She prayed for Lei to listen to her. She felt helpless when she was threatened like that. She had a plan to fix that. But she could only manage to keep it a secret from Lei for a short amount of time. Her thoughts constantly strayed to the subject and she had to keep herself focused when Lei was active.
Mmm. Alright love. We’ll talk later. I’ll let it go. For now. Don’t get too comfortable. I have something important to discuss with you later. With that, Lee could feel Lei curl up inside of her. She was less angry with her and Lee could relax for the time being.
Exiting the bathroom, Mezla caught up with her. She was trying to leave, but knowing him…that wouldn’t be happening anytime soon. He was in love with her. She knew it despite his best efforts to hide it. It poured out of him like outbursts from a pregnant woman. She felt cruel to deny him her love. She truly did. But how could she love anyone in her…condition? She couldn’t. She couldn’t. She refused to. It was the most selfless thing she had ever done yet others only thought she was stuck up. Only if they knew… Would they be filled with guilt? Or disgust?
She nodded every few seconds to assure him that she was listening to whatever he was saying. She caught herself and forced herself to focus on the conversation. He at least deserved her attention for a little while.
“…so glad you decided to do this for me, Lee.” His smile almost blinded her. He was so…happy. It was sickening yet cute at the same time. She immediately regretted not listening to him from the beginning. She would have to use a little charm to learn what she had agreed to do.
“And what was that, Mezla?” She smiled and elbowed him gently. She could feel the innocent physical contact excite him and knew that she would get her answer.
“Helping me move, silly. It means a lot to me. It would take me forever it f I had to do it all by myself. And now I’ll have some company. Meet me tomorrow at my place. We’ll start at 9 a.m.” He gave her a hug and walked away. He seemed extremely grateful and she couldn’t see the harm.
Shrugging, she grabbed her coat from the lobby and made her way out of the building. The chilly night air made her eyes water and she tried to walk faster towards her apartment. The few blocks she had to walk felt like miles to her aching feet and her green mini dress was not meant to keep her warm. When she finally arrived, she immediately made herself some hot chocolate and crawled into bed. Her favorite pair of sweatpants hugged her and took the chill from her bones as she watched TV. One of her guilty pleasures, Manswers, was on only to be interrupted by Lei.
Lee, we need to talk about something. Turn off your show. I need your undivided attention. She cleared her throat loudly. She was serious and Lee didn’t know what to expect from her. You know how much I care about you. I can’t stand to see you do this to yourself. You’re alone every night. Well, not completely, but you need to find a man. This is pretty pathetic. If you can’t get a man then I can’t get a man. That’s a problem.
Lee chose her words carefully. She didn’t want to upset Lei. “Lei. You’re absolutely right. Actually, I’m working on it. I’m going over to Mezla’s to help him move, but maybe it’ll turn into something more.” She hoped that she sounded sincere. All she could do was wait with a grimace painted on her face.
I’m glad you understand where I’m coming from. I’m tired though. I don’t know what it is, but it’s frustrating. Lei fell asleep shortly after saying that. Lee was relieved that she had made it through another day alive. She decided to sleep as well. After all, she would be doing hard work tomorrow. She had no idea what Mezla would make her do. She drifted off to the sound of her TV and slipped into a dream.
She would fight for that so others wouldn’t see her other struggle: her inner struggle. It caused her so much pain and scarring loss and she had every right to be angry and violent. But she wasn’t. She refused to be, because that would mean her situation would win. She would win. Her. Lei.
The thought was too much for her to handle. She loved what she had. She loved how people saw her. Intelligent. Powerful. A little intimidating, but in a good way. Lei would not bring her down like before. She didn’t want to be homeless again. The thought of digging in dumpsters flashed through her mind. She clenched her fists and took a deep breath. She muttered, “No” to herself out loud. Over and over.
Yes, was the response. Lei was back for the second time that night. She seemed…eerily calm, which was never a good sign from her. Anger she could handle. Calm. Well, that meant Lei was too far gone to tame. Are you going to just ignore me all night? I deserve to have a nice time too. Lee? Answer me. You know you’re only hurting yourself when you ignore me. You’re the only company I have. You will talk to me or I swear I will ruin this for you. I’ll just have you make a confession and you’ll lose that cozy little job of yours. Got it? You know what I’m capable of.
“Lei… Yes, I understand. I’m sorry. I just have a headache. I didn’t mean to upset you. Now, it’s really not necessary for you to ruin anything. You can go back to sleep. We’ll talk when I get back home.” She prayed for Lei to listen to her. She felt helpless when she was threatened like that. She had a plan to fix that. But she could only manage to keep it a secret from Lei for a short amount of time. Her thoughts constantly strayed to the subject and she had to keep herself focused when Lei was active.
Mmm. Alright love. We’ll talk later. I’ll let it go. For now. Don’t get too comfortable. I have something important to discuss with you later. With that, Lee could feel Lei curl up inside of her. She was less angry with her and Lee could relax for the time being.
Exiting the bathroom, Mezla caught up with her. She was trying to leave, but knowing him…that wouldn’t be happening anytime soon. He was in love with her. She knew it despite his best efforts to hide it. It poured out of him like outbursts from a pregnant woman. She felt cruel to deny him her love. She truly did. But how could she love anyone in her…condition? She couldn’t. She couldn’t. She refused to. It was the most selfless thing she had ever done yet others only thought she was stuck up. Only if they knew… Would they be filled with guilt? Or disgust?
She nodded every few seconds to assure him that she was listening to whatever he was saying. She caught herself and forced herself to focus on the conversation. He at least deserved her attention for a little while.
“…so glad you decided to do this for me, Lee.” His smile almost blinded her. He was so…happy. It was sickening yet cute at the same time. She immediately regretted not listening to him from the beginning. She would have to use a little charm to learn what she had agreed to do.
“And what was that, Mezla?” She smiled and elbowed him gently. She could feel the innocent physical contact excite him and knew that she would get her answer.
“Helping me move, silly. It means a lot to me. It would take me forever it f I had to do it all by myself. And now I’ll have some company. Meet me tomorrow at my place. We’ll start at 9 a.m.” He gave her a hug and walked away. He seemed extremely grateful and she couldn’t see the harm.
Shrugging, she grabbed her coat from the lobby and made her way out of the building. The chilly night air made her eyes water and she tried to walk faster towards her apartment. The few blocks she had to walk felt like miles to her aching feet and her green mini dress was not meant to keep her warm. When she finally arrived, she immediately made herself some hot chocolate and crawled into bed. Her favorite pair of sweatpants hugged her and took the chill from her bones as she watched TV. One of her guilty pleasures, Manswers, was on only to be interrupted by Lei.
Lee, we need to talk about something. Turn off your show. I need your undivided attention. She cleared her throat loudly. She was serious and Lee didn’t know what to expect from her. You know how much I care about you. I can’t stand to see you do this to yourself. You’re alone every night. Well, not completely, but you need to find a man. This is pretty pathetic. If you can’t get a man then I can’t get a man. That’s a problem.
Lee chose her words carefully. She didn’t want to upset Lei. “Lei. You’re absolutely right. Actually, I’m working on it. I’m going over to Mezla’s to help him move, but maybe it’ll turn into something more.” She hoped that she sounded sincere. All she could do was wait with a grimace painted on her face.
I’m glad you understand where I’m coming from. I’m tired though. I don’t know what it is, but it’s frustrating. Lei fell asleep shortly after saying that. Lee was relieved that she had made it through another day alive. She decided to sleep as well. After all, she would be doing hard work tomorrow. She had no idea what Mezla would make her do. She drifted off to the sound of her TV and slipped into a dream.