i really dunno where to begin
yep i know this journal is god damn emo, but its good to get things off me chest! To be honest i'm fed up with everything, i wish things would go smoothly for once, even its just for one stupid day! I'm getting more tired each day, and today i feel sick and tired at the same time, i really can't face work tonight, but i haveto go :( i just want day time work so bad, i don't go to college or do anything during the day, and its so bloody lonely when knowone is around. My lifestyle is really shit. Everyone is like, just get a day time job then, but its not that easy, i went to the jobs fair at the arena last weekend, im too old for the connections thing so i went to the adult one for advice and she said i was over qualified. HA thats the first, but its so stoopid, im over qualified for advice, but im under qualified for a fucking job, she still gave me a bit of advice though, so i suppose i appreciate that. I wish i could just resign from work now, im so fucking fed up with it, its good money but its making me depressed. Getting to the point where i get quite sensitive bout stuff like for e.g last week at work, things were ok but i was shattered. Kate asked jeff bout this case, n jeff goes "isn't that what u had yesterday ruth, haha putting em back again are you?" and kate is kinda loud so she was like you gotta do them sometime you know, i just laughed it off though, but then half an hour later all you hear is "aye people who put cases back, eee i dunno" and they are all laffing, but i just ignore em, it sounds nothing, but i was so tired n ive been down bout alot so i felt like i was gunna cry, had a huge lump in the back of me throat. stopped meself though, thank god. Sahima n jeff cud tell i was pissed off though, n jeff just joked on n said cheer up your off for the weekend after tonight, ha hes funny. I try at work, i hate ringing people so i don't bother, i try with all the cases, but we are a team, your meant to work together, she knew what she was doing for case i put back so she didn't need to kick up a fuss. grrrr im just a shy emo geek.
I've been hanging out with ema a few times now, its really cool, just like it used to be. We went out on friday n i was absolutely wasted. Neva mixing me drinks again.... *ahem* had bout 4 pints, bottles and trebles :S was a good night though, part from my enemy leanne was there with her bitchy mate joanne, leanne kept giving me hacky looks, but i just minded me own business n had a laff with me mates, so loadsa people who ema used to go to school with, and awww gary and hicky were out (guys we used to hang round with in a group few years ago... gary is ema's ex) so was interesting, i went to the bar n i brushed past leanne n joanne and apparently joanne was gunna start on me cos i knocked her, what a loser. When i was at bar leanne came up to me but i ignored her and didn't here what she said anyway. I just cuddn't care, she needs to get a fucking life i tell thee. I haven't done anything to her, part from go out with one of ex's which was the biggest mistake eva, and i got with sumone who happened to be her brother and he told her a pack of lies anyway. Then every person she sees im with who she knows, she doesn't like it, total loser!!
Hows my love life............ well it really really sucks, so simon your not the only one dude. I really like Nathan, want him so bad, we seem to be going somewhere, then it goes all distant... i haven't heard from him in over a week :( maybe hes just too scared to tell me hes met someone else...... or thinks it just won't work. I just dunno whats going on anymore, at the moment i feel like hes a million miles away, like when he was in america, but for some reason this feels worse than when he was just on holiday. Guess just haveto see if we will meet up at the Taking back sunday gig!? I know i shouldn't but sometimes i feel jealous when he goes on bout other gurls, like laura, even though she was seeing someone he got so excited when she was goin on a night out with them all....... or this gurl he met at download, hes so happy cos shes going to the blink gig with him in manchester, thats where i should be going :( i just always fuck things up for us, where he goes, i should go to make it work. meh im really talking shit now.
ciao xxx
YELLOWCARD
Rocket
sleeping late on...
warm afternoon
waking up to...
bright silver moon
silent words from...
my heart to you
my empty filled...
filled up with you
rockets fly
rockets fly
i slip another smile in your pocket
my heart is racing to you like a rocket
rockets fly...
into my sky
i slip another smile in your pocket
my heart is racing to you like a rocket
the two of us we dream like one
our energy could light the sun
the two of us take breath as one
the two of us
the two of us