WHO I AM HATES WHO IVE BEEN
today was so messed up and crappy.
i ate soooo much i felt so ashamed of myself and greedy yet i kept going back for more. before PE i went to the toilets and ended up making myself sick. it was soooo horrible - i havent done it for a while so it was kinda hard too. in PE we were doing fitness tests and we needed a partner. i went with olivia last week so lauren went with her today. i was okay with that, besides, i could always get a different partner but by then everybody had one.
i had to go on my own, it was so frustrating and i wasnt being challenged in anyway because i couldnt compete like everyone else was. i felt like such a prat and it seemed like everybody was staring. by the time i got to about the 10th set i was just feeling kinda emotional over...well now i guess it was nothing but i had tears in my eyes and it just seemed really hard not to cry. i guess im a bit pathetic when it comes to stuff like that.
after PE i was feeling really drained and crap so i went tio the toilets again. i wanted to just make myself really sick, i didnt care - i guess i do it when im stressed out, but there was 2 people in there so i couldnt, i just stayed in the stall. when olivia came in and i put my foot under the door to tell her where i was, i honestly could have kicked it through, i was so frustrated. She said some girls had said i was crying. fucking hell i was not crying. i might had been before but not then - i was angry and i dont even know why...
after id got changed i had an afterschool detention but after i went to the toilet again and ouked as much as i could. i guess it made me feel better because i was letting out the anger and stuff. but i keep on 'letting out the anger' and its really not good for me. my hands have little scabs and marks on them because i dig my nails into them and stuff, i think im going too far now and i cant really stop
anyway, i dont want to talk anymore. icons:
i ate soooo much i felt so ashamed of myself and greedy yet i kept going back for more. before PE i went to the toilets and ended up making myself sick. it was soooo horrible - i havent done it for a while so it was kinda hard too. in PE we were doing fitness tests and we needed a partner. i went with olivia last week so lauren went with her today. i was okay with that, besides, i could always get a different partner but by then everybody had one.
i had to go on my own, it was so frustrating and i wasnt being challenged in anyway because i couldnt compete like everyone else was. i felt like such a prat and it seemed like everybody was staring. by the time i got to about the 10th set i was just feeling kinda emotional over...well now i guess it was nothing but i had tears in my eyes and it just seemed really hard not to cry. i guess im a bit pathetic when it comes to stuff like that.
after PE i was feeling really drained and crap so i went tio the toilets again. i wanted to just make myself really sick, i didnt care - i guess i do it when im stressed out, but there was 2 people in there so i couldnt, i just stayed in the stall. when olivia came in and i put my foot under the door to tell her where i was, i honestly could have kicked it through, i was so frustrated. She said some girls had said i was crying. fucking hell i was not crying. i might had been before but not then - i was angry and i dont even know why...
after id got changed i had an afterschool detention but after i went to the toilet again and ouked as much as i could. i guess it made me feel better because i was letting out the anger and stuff. but i keep on 'letting out the anger' and its really not good for me. my hands have little scabs and marks on them because i dig my nails into them and stuff, i think im going too far now and i cant really stop
anyway, i dont want to talk anymore. icons: