stuff and such
I had my first dr appt yesterday. I really like her. I felt comfortable with her right away. The office is just accross the street which is even more perfect. She helped me realize some of why I am the way I am now. Some of it has to do with the fact that I let my depression go and didnt get treatment for it. She said my anxiety has manifested it's self FROM my depression. She said therepy and meds will help with that. A lot of what I'm feeling and going thru has to do with things at home, as well as things in my past with my dad. I grew up in a house where my opinions didnt matter. I could say what I wanted and it never made a difference. I was put down a lot, made to feel inferior. And now with Harmony, my opinions dont matter much. She told me that a lot of my anger comes from that. The fact that I want to be heard soo badly but I'm not. Even tho there are problems in my marriage, the only thing i can do right now is work on ME. But, I have to keep in mind, that just because i'm working on me, it may not HELP in my marriage. That was hard to hear, but right now all I can do is hope for the best. I love harmony more than anything in this world. I WANT this to work. I dont want to divorce, and live seperate lives. All I can do right now is fix what I need to fix and hope that it solves some of our problems. Some of the other problems will take work from both of us, and right now, I dont see that happening. Anywho, I have another appt with her next week. I'll be seeing her once a week until we think i'm ready to go longer in between visits. Next week I have to have goals for myself. I'm kind of having problems with that. I keep setting them to high for myself. I always want to accomplish the impossible and then get dissapointed when it doesnt happen.
I dont know. After going yesterday I felt a lot better. I hope it continues.
Today I need to clean the bedrooms. After this weekend both rooms are trashed. I've managed to get the kitchen, bathroom and the livingroom clean for the most part. When harmony comes home today we need to go make the car payment and then all the bills are paid. Wont leave us with much, considering we still need to pay for a flight for one of the dj's for our next party, but we'll make it.
The past few days I've been going thru harmony's records and finding songs I really like. I'm trying to get them all on one cd. I've decided I really like drum and bass. Before i only really liked happy hardcore. The more I listen to his music, the more I like it.
Okay, now that I've worn myself out after waking up to a nice surprise this morning, I think I'm ready to go back to bed for a few hours and then get my day started. I know that if I try and get things done now, I'll be poopped in a few hours. I'd rather sleep now and not take a nap. Harmony's on call right now and at any moment he may have to leave for a week so I've been trying to prepare myself for that. As much as I dont want him to go, it may be nice to be away from him for a while. I think we could both use the break. Okay, if i dont stop now I'll just keep going with whatever finds its self in my head.
ni nights
I dont know. After going yesterday I felt a lot better. I hope it continues.
Today I need to clean the bedrooms. After this weekend both rooms are trashed. I've managed to get the kitchen, bathroom and the livingroom clean for the most part. When harmony comes home today we need to go make the car payment and then all the bills are paid. Wont leave us with much, considering we still need to pay for a flight for one of the dj's for our next party, but we'll make it.
The past few days I've been going thru harmony's records and finding songs I really like. I'm trying to get them all on one cd. I've decided I really like drum and bass. Before i only really liked happy hardcore. The more I listen to his music, the more I like it.
Okay, now that I've worn myself out after waking up to a nice surprise this morning, I think I'm ready to go back to bed for a few hours and then get my day started. I know that if I try and get things done now, I'll be poopped in a few hours. I'd rather sleep now and not take a nap. Harmony's on call right now and at any moment he may have to leave for a week so I've been trying to prepare myself for that. As much as I dont want him to go, it may be nice to be away from him for a while. I think we could both use the break. Okay, if i dont stop now I'll just keep going with whatever finds its self in my head.
ni nights