(no subject)
Laura, you've got to stop believing in your Dad.
i don't know what to think anymore.
who to trust...who to love..who to confide in.
who to lean on.
who to talk to.
who to depend on
i know he didn't mean for all of this to happen
to happen like this
but it happened
and i know i have to fucking deal with it
but it's hard when you are constantly told
how unreliable and undependable and untrustworthy
your fucking hero is
and you don't want to believe it
you don't
you've ignored it for seventeen years
and you don't want to even consider it
because you know that it can't be true
you used to know that it isn't true
but now it's hard
it's getting so hard
to know that it isn't true
to know that she lies when she says you're undependable
i hate it
i hate not knowing if i can trust you or not
i love you
i will always love you
and you know i do
but when you question why i'm mad at you too?
i'm not mad at you
i'm just crying because of what happened
and how it happened
and when it happened
and the timing of it all
and how vague you are when i ask questions
and how you never talk to her
you always talk to me
vaguely
about things that have no substance
that are only hopeful things
wishful thing
for the future
but what about the now?
you say you'll help as much as you can
but that's not a number
i need specifics
she needs specifics
we can't live on a word anymore
it hurts too much
she won't let you do that anymore
i can't deal with her anymore
you have to stop
you have to tell her something concrete
please
because if you don't
... well that can't be an option
you have to
otherwise, i'm gone.
i'm so ready to get the hell away from you two
that i don't give a damn where i go
or when i go
or how i go
or if i can support myself
i will do it
i know i can
i know i don't need either of you
and it hurts so much to say that i don't need you
because i have needed you for so long
you've always been there for me through everything
when i would cry for hours in the car trips between us and her
and how i never wanted to end those trips
even though i was crying
because you understood
but now you don't understand
you've changed
and i know everyone changes
but it's really fucking hard to try to understand you and love you the way you are
when all of these decisions are made by you and everyone else
and i have no control over them
and i need to know that you are in control
but i know you're not
even if you say you are
but i still love you
and i do need you
but i don't have to have you
i can make it on my own
but dear god i don't want to have to say goodbye
i love you.
please don't forget that.
but please.. help.
<3
i don't know what to think anymore.
who to trust...who to love..who to confide in.
who to lean on.
who to talk to.
who to depend on
i know he didn't mean for all of this to happen
to happen like this
but it happened
and i know i have to fucking deal with it
but it's hard when you are constantly told
how unreliable and undependable and untrustworthy
your fucking hero is
and you don't want to believe it
you don't
you've ignored it for seventeen years
and you don't want to even consider it
because you know that it can't be true
you used to know that it isn't true
but now it's hard
it's getting so hard
to know that it isn't true
to know that she lies when she says you're undependable
i hate it
i hate not knowing if i can trust you or not
i love you
i will always love you
and you know i do
but when you question why i'm mad at you too?
i'm not mad at you
i'm just crying because of what happened
and how it happened
and when it happened
and the timing of it all
and how vague you are when i ask questions
and how you never talk to her
you always talk to me
vaguely
about things that have no substance
that are only hopeful things
wishful thing
for the future
but what about the now?
you say you'll help as much as you can
but that's not a number
i need specifics
she needs specifics
we can't live on a word anymore
it hurts too much
she won't let you do that anymore
i can't deal with her anymore
you have to stop
you have to tell her something concrete
please
because if you don't
... well that can't be an option
you have to
otherwise, i'm gone.
i'm so ready to get the hell away from you two
that i don't give a damn where i go
or when i go
or how i go
or if i can support myself
i will do it
i know i can
i know i don't need either of you
and it hurts so much to say that i don't need you
because i have needed you for so long
you've always been there for me through everything
when i would cry for hours in the car trips between us and her
and how i never wanted to end those trips
even though i was crying
because you understood
but now you don't understand
you've changed
and i know everyone changes
but it's really fucking hard to try to understand you and love you the way you are
when all of these decisions are made by you and everyone else
and i have no control over them
and i need to know that you are in control
but i know you're not
even if you say you are
but i still love you
and i do need you
but i don't have to have you
i can make it on my own
but dear god i don't want to have to say goodbye
i love you.
please don't forget that.
but please.. help.
<3