like flicking on a switch.
it seems like everyone goes through a certain stage of their life thinking "holy shit, i'm getting old." yeah, i know i'm only turning eighteen, but i feel that throughout this year, i've matured a ridiculous amount and have gained an amazing grasp on my life. i'm now willing to accept change and not try to refuse to accept reality. i realize that high school is ending in three months, i'm even excited about this. i'm even happy now! i have absolutely no complaints of my own life, i feel like the gray cloud has finally floated out of my life. i have no worries, i accept my past, love my present, and just hold great expectations of what's to come.
it bothers me that when it seems everything has turned for the better, there's always that one person that has to try to bring you back to negativity. i pushed absolutely every piece of wrong out of my life, and plan on keeping it this way. i know that i am a better person now than i have ever been before. i'm not scared to be myself, and have grown comfortable with finally expressing this, especially verbally. i have always been very straightforward, but i never completely voiced my opinions. i now feel comfortable in doing this, regardless of the consequences. it bothers me even worse that the one 'friend' who should be happiest about my turnaround is the one who's trying to drag me back towards it. i refuse to accept someone so selfish as my own 'best friend.' a best friend would not try to convince you to do the things you hate just so he or she won't be alone. i suppose misery loves company, but i refuse to join.
i love you, christopher john.
my balance, my light.