Fading Friendships, Lost Love
My world has seemed to crash beneath the feet on which i stand. its not like the world will come to an end for me but it just might feel it.
This weekend has been painfull yet as sad and upsetting it is and how bad i just want to cry, i cant.
is there something so wrong with me that i cant squezze out all the tears i want? i think about it and tear up then nothing comes out. i guess my whole life ive tought myself that i cant cry and to just hold it in, my whole life ive become an uncryable person,and i have this feeling it will soon end and maybe just maybe i can let out all the tears witheld behind my eyes for the past 6 years of my life?
recently ive found out someone in my life will soon disapear although the term disapear is not what is expected but is what is a result of doubt in my mind that this particular person will end up doing. yet this person means so much and i love them to death, i love them more than almost most people could understand and im losing them yet cant squezze out one flipping tear of sadness even if i tried to force it. im sorry i have to babble on to the world about my mental issues with crying but i feel i have to get somethings off my chest in order to finnaly release myself of all the events that have crashed iinto my life. its incredible how people will come into youre life, and you become so close you love them ,and its amazingly upsetting that once they get the chance to see other things in life that in a simple phone call all that love and all that bond that you put so much effort to form and all that belief of being close forever soon smacks so hard in the face all your feelings, and thoughts become numb. my love for this person will never end but once this person leaves theres doubts in my mind that our memories, our love will soon fade into the darkness and the only memory we'll ever have of each other will be pictures, simple pieces of paper that print one second of a special momment in our lifes, yet very pricless to our very brains. i know i shouldnt make accusations of what is to come and that you may be thinking im over exagerating but you have to understand my dad was in the navy for 15 uears of my life and ive live in at least 15 to 20 different areas and in learning from all of my moving im no longer in contact with not one single person, even when i moved from fredricksburg, 30 minutes away i still dont talk to anyone ive ever befriended there.
im really sorry like i said for putting you through of reading my pathetic complants but this is my journal and i cant honestly write whatever i wont, honestly this is the best therapy of for me when things are good or bad so there you have it.
im off to take a bath,clear my head, eat, and get sleep, if some miracle happens i might just be able to finnally cry and let it all out but who knows?
a bientot
This weekend has been painfull yet as sad and upsetting it is and how bad i just want to cry, i cant.
is there something so wrong with me that i cant squezze out all the tears i want? i think about it and tear up then nothing comes out. i guess my whole life ive tought myself that i cant cry and to just hold it in, my whole life ive become an uncryable person,and i have this feeling it will soon end and maybe just maybe i can let out all the tears witheld behind my eyes for the past 6 years of my life?
recently ive found out someone in my life will soon disapear although the term disapear is not what is expected but is what is a result of doubt in my mind that this particular person will end up doing. yet this person means so much and i love them to death, i love them more than almost most people could understand and im losing them yet cant squezze out one flipping tear of sadness even if i tried to force it. im sorry i have to babble on to the world about my mental issues with crying but i feel i have to get somethings off my chest in order to finnaly release myself of all the events that have crashed iinto my life. its incredible how people will come into youre life, and you become so close you love them ,and its amazingly upsetting that once they get the chance to see other things in life that in a simple phone call all that love and all that bond that you put so much effort to form and all that belief of being close forever soon smacks so hard in the face all your feelings, and thoughts become numb. my love for this person will never end but once this person leaves theres doubts in my mind that our memories, our love will soon fade into the darkness and the only memory we'll ever have of each other will be pictures, simple pieces of paper that print one second of a special momment in our lifes, yet very pricless to our very brains. i know i shouldnt make accusations of what is to come and that you may be thinking im over exagerating but you have to understand my dad was in the navy for 15 uears of my life and ive live in at least 15 to 20 different areas and in learning from all of my moving im no longer in contact with not one single person, even when i moved from fredricksburg, 30 minutes away i still dont talk to anyone ive ever befriended there.
im really sorry like i said for putting you through of reading my pathetic complants but this is my journal and i cant honestly write whatever i wont, honestly this is the best therapy of for me when things are good or bad so there you have it.
im off to take a bath,clear my head, eat, and get sleep, if some miracle happens i might just be able to finnally cry and let it all out but who knows?
a bientot