i hate my life

[xxdepnihxx]

Everything just keeps getting worse and worse. My mom ruined everything. She told Mikes grandparents something very bad and now I'm not aloud to sleep over anymore. I cant believe she did that to me. What a fuckin bitch. Yet im the fuckin imature one? wtf ever. theres so many things that i could have ran to people about with her, and she could be in soooo much trouble. but im not that low, im not like her. i dont know what happened to her....she used to be kinda normal. now she is psycho. i feel like everything is falling apart in my life. i feel abandoned and unloved, and i love Mike with all my heart, more than ive ever loved anyone, but im really scared of losing him right now. i dont know what i would do. he's the only good thing in my life right now. i need him. i love him sooo much. i just dont know what to do. Im really hoping that everything becomes ok again, but idk. ive never had so many bad things happen all at once like this. i feel like everything is my fault, and everyone keeps blaming me for everything and i feel like everything is always my fault. im so unhappy right now and nothing is really cheering me up. i was trying to go about my Deni ways and be all cheerful and shit, but i just cant. not this time...too much has gone wrong. everything is ruined. everything..  and if my relationship with Mike is ruined then i basically have nothing left to make me at least a little bit happy. that would hurt me and ruin me soo bad. im already sad that i cant see or talk to him as much anymore and i feel like its all my fault. everything is my fucking fault. urg..im so upsett right now. i dont even feel like the same person. i didnt wanna do my hair or make up today. all i wanna do is just sleep or lay around. i hope me and Mikes relationship is strong enough to go on though all this shit...it might be. im having my doubts now. before i thought it would be forever, now i dont. i know I could be happy with him for the rest of my life but i think he might be changing his mind about me after my fuckin psycho mom ruined everything. it pisses me off too b/c she knows he means everything to me and thats why she did it. i can be myself around him, i feel comfortable with him, i love everything about him, he's the first person i think about when i wake up in the mourning-the last thing i think about when im falling asleep at night- and what i think of every moment in between. it would kill me to lose him. ive given him so much of me, and showed him how much i loved him, said things i've never said to anyone, felt things ive never felt with anyone. im in love. and i wish i wasnt, b/c im so afraid of getting hurt, but i have a feeling that thats whats going to happen. i always get hurt. it is true-nice guys finish last

why cant i be a bitch?