something shocking...

[xxdeaddybearxx]

well, today has definitally been an interesting day. sortof up and down all day. the morning was cool... i talked to the one kid in my first hour, the really quiet one who i hung out with yesterday w/shane. hes really tickelish... i poke his tummy and he goes nuts with laughter. its cool! lol. but yeah, the day went on, i baught food at the student store up at mott and the total was just what i had, five dollars even. it was awesome. lol, so yeah, sixth hour rolled around eventually. mr wood and i talked when he finally arrived after running to the flint library and grabbing us iced teas. ^.^ he's like a big brother, and we were goofing off and making papper airplanes, and he said that his goal is to be like that big brother model to the very few people that are close to him and stuff. it was cool... i told him that last year when we talked too.. so its just really neat. most people would probably think its wiered because he's 28, but its not. he's just like any of my other friends. but anyway, i came home and played halo 2 for about a half hour, jess and i wen't out to qdoba and ate some food, then she dropped me off at the band room for the school pep rally bon fire. they made it to states and maybe regional championships... so yeah.. woot.. -.- oh well, got me out of the house untill 7:30.. ish. heh. i got picked up and wen't home. played halo 2, rob called... we diddn't talk much. i just really don't have anything to say to him i guess. i guess its because we don't hang out barely at all, and we might have more to talk about if we were close in age, grade, classes, or even more common friends. oh well... things are probably never going to change with that. when i get my car, i'm still not going anywhere. i live in a house with chains on my wrists and a choke collar around my neck. anyway... i was looking at my survey people can take of me on my AIM profile, and i found out that aaron put some casts in there on me. apparently i'm not all that bad to him, but why would he be looking at my profile if we havn't talked in a month and a half and he supposedly "meant to hurt me"? i don't understand it and i for some reason cant just drop it and stop thinking about it. something is wrapped around something in me sayind "why would he" you know? i don't know, mine and his friend rich talked to me. rich doesn't know everything, but he's a really smart kid. that is a kid who deserves a good girlfriend and a nice tight group of friends... but he's still happy off on his own with his few friends. he's a great thinker... great friend to me... but anyway, rich says its because aaron and i mis-interpret things and don't fully understand because we don't talk about shit. (how can we talk about shit when aaron doesn't want to talk). oh well, i thaught i had gotten him out of my head, but i still can't help but wonder why he'd still be looking at my profile and COMMENTING on stuff. oh well, maybe he reads my journals too. i don't know. if he did, then why would he. i really can't understand, and it has litterally braught me to near tears a couple times tonight of just wondering why and stuff. i DON"T KNOW WHY EITHER! eh... oh well, its now 12:55 and i have some cleaning of my room to do. if anyone out there ever gets bored, give me a call and make me feel special for once. but yeah, i'm out, i need sleep and to get a couple things done. so i'm out. good night and merry dreams...

tell all my friends I'm dead
I'm leaving you, this time its for good
tell all my friends that I'm dead
it won't be long before you forget my name
can you tell
that I'm losing myself
I think I'm trying too hard to
let it show
to let you know
Don't trace your footsteps back to me
cause I've been gone for a long time
waiting on the sidelines
hoping for a chance to play
well I thought I would never leave anything behind
I also never thought I'd say
tell all my friends I'm dead
I'm leaving you, this time its for good
tell all my friends that I'm dead
it won't be long before you forget my name... (been listening to that song... good song)