broken
I have come across some of Nicole Blackmans work
and i may be wildly in lust
This isn't spoken word. It's broken word.
HOLY
I eat only sleep and air
and everyone thinks i'm dumb
But i'm smart because i've figured it out
I am slimmer than you are
And I am burning my skin off little by little
until I reach bone and self
until i get to where I am essential
until I get to where I am
Food doesnt even tempt me anymore
Because I am so full of energy and sense
I can even pass by water now
Because I am living off the parts of me that I don't need anymore
I could feel the slow drips of pain before
swirling inside where my lungs should have been
now i'm clean inside
I threw out hundreds of things that I didn't need anymore
All my dresses and bras
Stupid things like jeans and socks
Most days I float thru the house naked so I can see myself in the mirrors
I have hundreds of them everywhere
And they talk back to me all the time
They keep me true and pure
They make sure I'm still here
When I knew what I had to do
I took all my notebooks, all my manuscripts
And ate them page by page so I could take my words with me
I can finally control my life and even death
And I will die slowly like steam escaping from a pipe
This is my greatest performance
and all of the actresses who won my parts will say how wonderful
to let yourself go that mad
how wonderful to go on this kind of journey
and not care if you come back to tell the story
I scratch words on the walls now so people will visit this museum
and know how someone like me ends up like this
(they'll say there is art in here somewhere)
Everything that comes out of me is sacred
every fingernail, every eyelash, every hair
starvation is sacred and i scratch my bones against the windows at night
I light candles and feel myself evaporate
this body is a little church, a little temple
You can't see me now because i've gone inside
My family doesnt call anymore
My friends don't call anymore
You can't hurt me anymore. They can't hurt me anymore
Only I can
And that's okay
I don't need them anymore. I can live off me
I speak to me. i dance with me
I eat me
When they find me, I'll have a little smile on my face
And they'll wrap me in a white cloth and lay me in the ground
and say they don't understand
but I do. I don't hurt anymore
I'm not lonely anymore. I'm not sad I'm not pretty anymore
I made it through
I feel so holy and clean when i stretch out on the floor and sing
sometimes god comes in for a minute and says I'm doing fine
I'm almost there
Everyday I get a little closer to vanishing
Some days I can't stand up because the room moves under my feet
and i smile because I'm almost there, I'm almost an angel
One day when I am thin enough I'll go outside fluttering my hands so I can fly
And I will be so slight
That I will pass through all of you silently like wind
and i may be wildly in lust
This isn't spoken word. It's broken word.
HOLY
I eat only sleep and air
and everyone thinks i'm dumb
But i'm smart because i've figured it out
I am slimmer than you are
And I am burning my skin off little by little
until I reach bone and self
until i get to where I am essential
until I get to where I am
Food doesnt even tempt me anymore
Because I am so full of energy and sense
I can even pass by water now
Because I am living off the parts of me that I don't need anymore
I could feel the slow drips of pain before
swirling inside where my lungs should have been
now i'm clean inside
I threw out hundreds of things that I didn't need anymore
All my dresses and bras
Stupid things like jeans and socks
Most days I float thru the house naked so I can see myself in the mirrors
I have hundreds of them everywhere
And they talk back to me all the time
They keep me true and pure
They make sure I'm still here
When I knew what I had to do
I took all my notebooks, all my manuscripts
And ate them page by page so I could take my words with me
I can finally control my life and even death
And I will die slowly like steam escaping from a pipe
This is my greatest performance
and all of the actresses who won my parts will say how wonderful
to let yourself go that mad
how wonderful to go on this kind of journey
and not care if you come back to tell the story
I scratch words on the walls now so people will visit this museum
and know how someone like me ends up like this
(they'll say there is art in here somewhere)
Everything that comes out of me is sacred
every fingernail, every eyelash, every hair
starvation is sacred and i scratch my bones against the windows at night
I light candles and feel myself evaporate
this body is a little church, a little temple
You can't see me now because i've gone inside
My family doesnt call anymore
My friends don't call anymore
You can't hurt me anymore. They can't hurt me anymore
Only I can
And that's okay
I don't need them anymore. I can live off me
I speak to me. i dance with me
I eat me
When they find me, I'll have a little smile on my face
And they'll wrap me in a white cloth and lay me in the ground
and say they don't understand
but I do. I don't hurt anymore
I'm not lonely anymore. I'm not sad I'm not pretty anymore
I made it through
I feel so holy and clean when i stretch out on the floor and sing
sometimes god comes in for a minute and says I'm doing fine
I'm almost there
Everyday I get a little closer to vanishing
Some days I can't stand up because the room moves under my feet
and i smile because I'm almost there, I'm almost an angel
One day when I am thin enough I'll go outside fluttering my hands so I can fly
And I will be so slight
That I will pass through all of you silently like wind