(no subject)
well not much to write but i'm just so bored...i really need to make sum kind of life for myself i cant keep livin like this! the problem is that i have no idea wut i want to do! i just wish sumone would tell me exactly wut to do and how to do it and it would be easy. its not that i'm lazy and have no ambitions its just that i don't know wut i want...i mean ever since i was a little kid i wanted to be a teacher but i don't think thats what i want anymore...i'm not gettin along in school at all...and yea i know i don't go to class anymore because i guess well i'm fed up so i'm giving up. is it so wrong to want to be happy and want a decent life for myself? apparently it is. i don't expect life to be easy because i know that just aint possible, no one has it easy in life. just like amy was sayin in her lj i really wish i was a little kid u have zero responsibilties....and life was jsut so easy....well my childhood wasn't the best and i don't really want to go back to that again. where i wanna be is back in grade nine...that was definitely the best year of my life....i'd give anything to be that happy again and have no real 'grown up' responsiblities. i guess this is what they call that 'quarter life crisis'. i just sit here everyday never really accomplishing anything. and i hate lying to my family, but i can't very well tell my mother that i haven't been goin to classes intentionally and that i have no idea how much debt i'm actually in for doing this. but i really am starting to feel guilty about it. but wut am i sposed to do about it now? i know that bitchin about it is not gonna solve anything, but its the only thing lef to do...and no one really listens to me anymore i feel excluded from everything and i guess thats my own fault. i just can't wait to try to better myself when i move to hali hopefully there i can figure out wut i really want to do. being completely on my own may just help me figure things out for myself. i don't know but i think it might do some good. but anyways i'm gonna stop writing now cuz i have more important things to do with my time than this.....fuck who am i kidding this is my pathetic life....i have nothing....i am a complete waste of space