(no subject)
Up until recently I didn't understand people who don't at least try drugs.
This probably looks incredibly tacky to whoever might read it...
But serioulsy.
And no, it's never been my life and it never has taken a lot of my free time. Though the experiences I had with tripping were something I'll always take to heart. I like seeing the whole world all jumbled up. I like not having to tear it apart I like it melting before me in one big economical mesquite suburbian american dream joke. I don't even have to try to laugh it comes so fast that hours pass and I still can't stop laughing. Visits to Wal-mart on acid or acid-like substnaces turn into a circus of bright neon packaged products. The patterns dance the cartoon charcters to attract small children turn into minature horror movies and none of the directions on the packages make sense and come to think of it the actual beautiful breathing little neon packaged product of what ever the fuck it might be at 3am in the cosmetics aisle of wal-mart no longer makes sense. the flouresecnt lights are merciless and they reveal everything and for some reason the whole store is just hillarious and delightful but scary and unapproachable like when you see a circus clown for the first time as a child.
To some, what I just wrote proabably seems flat stupid. And you might be right. But what do I and the majority of my friends and aquantences really have to look forward to in life?
Sure, some of us go to college and even graduate school and we work our asses off and get careers and we get married and we have children and then we make our children go to school and get jobs and in this process they'll end up hating us and we'll grow apart form our spouses and get divorced and during all that we'll live in some suburban nowhere made to raise babies and then die so they can then raise their babies. Sure, we might have cool cars and a career to make us happy for a decade or so but it's all lost eventually and every time someone falls or fails it seems to be so overlooked and that's seen as normal...Why not have a good mind fuck every now and again? If you get off by feeling scared it beats any horror movie if you like to know your surroundings why not see your entire life broken apart into little fucking pieces to the point where it's no longer recognizeable...to the point where you realize that either way not much really mattered. I mean, why not look at something and see it for what it is and no longer attach it to all the stupid symbols and crutches that our personalities are based on.
I've recognized two groups
The people who wait to die- baby makers, (our parents), suburban households, obidient citizens, etc.
And the people who kill themselves- the kids at the club who will eat ecstacy like tylenol on a tuesday night, heroine addicts, snorting cocaine for breakfast, etc.
Today I was sitting in class and I came to this conclusion: I've seen both worlds and I find both equally disgusting. I want nothing to do with either. I don't mind working toward a career- but that's not what i want to be about. I like learning and I'm already getting a pretty good appretiation for college but I want to do things my own way. I'm not so sure how I want to accomplish this yet.
This probably looks incredibly tacky to whoever might read it...
But serioulsy.
And no, it's never been my life and it never has taken a lot of my free time. Though the experiences I had with tripping were something I'll always take to heart. I like seeing the whole world all jumbled up. I like not having to tear it apart I like it melting before me in one big economical mesquite suburbian american dream joke. I don't even have to try to laugh it comes so fast that hours pass and I still can't stop laughing. Visits to Wal-mart on acid or acid-like substnaces turn into a circus of bright neon packaged products. The patterns dance the cartoon charcters to attract small children turn into minature horror movies and none of the directions on the packages make sense and come to think of it the actual beautiful breathing little neon packaged product of what ever the fuck it might be at 3am in the cosmetics aisle of wal-mart no longer makes sense. the flouresecnt lights are merciless and they reveal everything and for some reason the whole store is just hillarious and delightful but scary and unapproachable like when you see a circus clown for the first time as a child.
To some, what I just wrote proabably seems flat stupid. And you might be right. But what do I and the majority of my friends and aquantences really have to look forward to in life?
Sure, some of us go to college and even graduate school and we work our asses off and get careers and we get married and we have children and then we make our children go to school and get jobs and in this process they'll end up hating us and we'll grow apart form our spouses and get divorced and during all that we'll live in some suburban nowhere made to raise babies and then die so they can then raise their babies. Sure, we might have cool cars and a career to make us happy for a decade or so but it's all lost eventually and every time someone falls or fails it seems to be so overlooked and that's seen as normal...Why not have a good mind fuck every now and again? If you get off by feeling scared it beats any horror movie if you like to know your surroundings why not see your entire life broken apart into little fucking pieces to the point where it's no longer recognizeable...to the point where you realize that either way not much really mattered. I mean, why not look at something and see it for what it is and no longer attach it to all the stupid symbols and crutches that our personalities are based on.
I've recognized two groups
The people who wait to die- baby makers, (our parents), suburban households, obidient citizens, etc.
And the people who kill themselves- the kids at the club who will eat ecstacy like tylenol on a tuesday night, heroine addicts, snorting cocaine for breakfast, etc.
Today I was sitting in class and I came to this conclusion: I've seen both worlds and I find both equally disgusting. I want nothing to do with either. I don't mind working toward a career- but that's not what i want to be about. I like learning and I'm already getting a pretty good appretiation for college but I want to do things my own way. I'm not so sure how I want to accomplish this yet.