(no subject)
After seriously hitting rock bottom, I think I'm dealing a lot better now.
I catch myself wondering what he's doing, or how he is, but it doesn't really sting as bad when I think about him. It still hurts but it's getting a little bit duller. The question is, is he dating? I really don't think I care, I'm just curious, that's all. I'm nosey, what can I say? I just want to know if there's something more there between him and someone else. I said some fucked up things to him the other day, so it's not like he'll ever speak to me again and I'll find out or not. I'm so stupid sometimes. I don't know...I just hate being hurt, and I feel the need to hurt the person back. I'm too immature and dumb. I take it all back. I know if he called tried to contact me, I'd be happy. I'm not counting on it though. I'm pretty sure he hates me. I think I'd hate me too though...I let my anger take control too often and I end up saying things I don't even mean.
I just need to heal completely before I throw myself back out there. I would love to meet someone and have a relationship, but I don't think I'm ready. And who the hell am I meeting anyway? The kind of boys I'm attracted to don't date girls like me...I'm probably better off...haha.
I don't feel the need to keep this friends only that much anymore. I don't have anything to hide. I never really did.
EDIT- I'm pretty sure he's not dating...
I catch myself wondering what he's doing, or how he is, but it doesn't really sting as bad when I think about him. It still hurts but it's getting a little bit duller. The question is, is he dating? I really don't think I care, I'm just curious, that's all. I'm nosey, what can I say? I just want to know if there's something more there between him and someone else. I said some fucked up things to him the other day, so it's not like he'll ever speak to me again and I'll find out or not. I'm so stupid sometimes. I don't know...I just hate being hurt, and I feel the need to hurt the person back. I'm too immature and dumb. I take it all back. I know if he called tried to contact me, I'd be happy. I'm not counting on it though. I'm pretty sure he hates me. I think I'd hate me too though...I let my anger take control too often and I end up saying things I don't even mean.
I just need to heal completely before I throw myself back out there. I would love to meet someone and have a relationship, but I don't think I'm ready. And who the hell am I meeting anyway? The kind of boys I'm attracted to don't date girls like me...I'm probably better off...haha.
I don't feel the need to keep this friends only that much anymore. I don't have anything to hide. I never really did.
EDIT- I'm pretty sure he's not dating...