(no subject)
Im simply too dependent. I have no idea of what im going to do next school year but hopefully then I'll be consumed in long assignments such as extended essays and for the first few months studying like crap for SATS.
I never wanted to be the dependent girl- EVER because I despise the girls who are so freaking obsessed with their boyfriends and think about them every single minute of every single day and thats all they talk about.. ew, that makes me feel sick to my stomach.
I'd like to think i hide my dependency to a certain extent but I know you know that what you do kills me and in a way I think that's why you do it. I know youd never do anything to hurt me and you're just busy but i sure hope that when you come home its not going to be drunken nights with just your friends and lies to me and not answering your phone when you tell me to call. I hate arguing more than anything probably because we hardly ever argue and we do i feel like there must be something really wrong. I hate feeling like im always the one to bring stress into the relationship because if i didnt care about you doing something stupid before you go to school and become something big we'd probably be a lot better off. maybe if i just loosened the fuck up. I wanna do crazy stuff with you but it feels as if you dont want me around because I dont fit in with your friends. I know you're going somewhere big with your life... you're so driven and its one of the things i admire about you most. You're always trying to better yourself, im just afraid youll lose sight of it and you wont be able to get it back. I wish you understood this. Im terrified that we'll fall apart because we'll both be too 'busy' for eachother.
The summer is ending too quickly.
Fuck its only an hour away but i know itll feel like a lot more than that.
I never wanted to be the dependent girl- EVER because I despise the girls who are so freaking obsessed with their boyfriends and think about them every single minute of every single day and thats all they talk about.. ew, that makes me feel sick to my stomach.
I'd like to think i hide my dependency to a certain extent but I know you know that what you do kills me and in a way I think that's why you do it. I know youd never do anything to hurt me and you're just busy but i sure hope that when you come home its not going to be drunken nights with just your friends and lies to me and not answering your phone when you tell me to call. I hate arguing more than anything probably because we hardly ever argue and we do i feel like there must be something really wrong. I hate feeling like im always the one to bring stress into the relationship because if i didnt care about you doing something stupid before you go to school and become something big we'd probably be a lot better off. maybe if i just loosened the fuck up. I wanna do crazy stuff with you but it feels as if you dont want me around because I dont fit in with your friends. I know you're going somewhere big with your life... you're so driven and its one of the things i admire about you most. You're always trying to better yourself, im just afraid youll lose sight of it and you wont be able to get it back. I wish you understood this. Im terrified that we'll fall apart because we'll both be too 'busy' for eachother.
The summer is ending too quickly.
Fuck its only an hour away but i know itll feel like a lot more than that.