This pretty much sucks
I gotta be to work at six am and i cant sleep no matter how hard i try.
Me and shawn had our first fight. Knew it was eventual, but damn..
I got real real sick, was sick sunday and monday, stayed with shawn monday night so he could take care of me, he woke me tuesday morning cause i was breathing wierd.. my throat was REALLY swollen and my uvula was so huge i could barley breathe. I went to the doc and got meds, they didnt know what i had thought. Shawn said he's come see me that night and take care of me. He calls me when he gets off work, now i've been looking forward to seeing him all day, he tells me he's not coming. I was crushed, i really wanted to see him, but he promiced me that he'd come the next night. So all og wednesday i'm home alone, sick as all get out, just looking forward to seeing him when he gets off work. He texts me, tells me he's got pans and cant make it out to see me. I was pissed to say the least. Well i later find out that his plans got cancelled, but did he tell me or come see me? Nope, not a chance. So i'm pretty upset and didnt talk to him at all. I go to work the next day, which is thursday, and he doesnt pay attnetion to me really at all, nothing... well by the time i'm getting ready to leave he finnally awknowlages me, gives me a hug goodbye and thats it. Well i text him later and ask if he wants to come see me that night and tell him i miss him. He texts back "Whats today?" so i say "Thursday" his responce "And what do i do on thursdays?" well, he goes out thursdays with Brendon and drinks, well excuse me for thinking that maybe i'm just a bit more important, needless to say he didnt come to see me. Today, i didnt even try. I gave up compleetly on seeing him.
I dont know, i mean i'm pissed, i'm hurt... i dont know but i think i have the right to be, right? Thats fucked up if you ask me. He told me we'll see eachother once i'm better, shut up, thats lame.
I complain too much, i know that.
I've cried myself to sleep a few nights this week, i dont know. He's different, i dont like being away from him at all, cause when i'm with him it's like everything is ok and nothing can change that. He makes me feel ok and it's been a long time sicne i've felt ok. We both have a lot of isues and have had really hard times in the passed and have a lot to get over and i think thats why i feel so right with him, thats why i cna talk to him like i do, thats why i like him so much. Call me wierd but i think this might go somewhere. I mean we're gonna fight, it happens, but i know we'll get over it.
I finally finished all my christmas shopping, well all besided shawn, i dont know what to get him at all and i hate it.
I got a really nice digital camera for my brother, a protection plan on it, and a memory card, cost like 400 bucks, but i know he'll love it.
Got some wood working books for my dad, lame, i know.
Got my mom a claendar made of her puppy dog and a puma sweatshirt.
I got shari a cute shirt from HT
And i got my secret santa a gas gift card, i mean, i knew everyone could use it, so w/e, right?
i bought myself new gauges today, i mean i had some money left over and said fuck it and bought em. I got my gauges up to a 00 now, i'm pretty stokes about that, onec i get them up to a 5/8 or 1/2 i can start wearing the cooler plugs. I wanna go high enough to wear bottle caps in them, i dont know but i think that would be cool. We'll see, i'll stop when i'm happy w/ them.
I'm growing my hair, or, well i'm trying to. I'm really sick of it right now, but it's ok, i'll either get over it or cut it, one or the other. Right now the most of it is passed my shoulers, it hast been that long in a long while, the back is the longest, but i dont have a mullett, lol, thought i did and got really parinoid, but i was reassured a few times that i dont, haha. I usually just wear it in a pony tial or a pig tails anyhow cause it's at that stage where it looks rediculosly bad if it's down. I thought about getting it cutt, geting somewhat of an a-line, but i wanna grow it for a while...
well, even though i know it's not gonna happen, i'm gonna try and go to sleep again.. fuck