well my friends hate me for what i've become.
So this situation has officially made me sick.
I didnt sleep at all last night, literally. I didnt fall asleep until 6. I had to call my mom (my parents went to Atlantic City for the night) and talk to her for an hour to help calm me down. I'm such a baby sometimes. Kristy was sleeping right next to me, but I just had to talk to my mommy. I woke up and now I'm literally sick.
I'm really dreading school tommorow. I'm at the point where I would rather break every bone in my body than have to face them. Of course if they saw this, I would be told I'm just being overly dramatic.
I dont really know what to do with myself. Am I allowed to sit at the lunch table anymore? I'm so scared I'll go and sit down and someone will say "what are you doing here?". I have to get a new math tutor, because my current tutor will not have anything to do with me. I can already see my grades dropping.
This has been the worst year of my life so far. No matter how bad everything got, I always knew I would have my friends to fall back on. No matter how many breakups, no matter how sick dad got, no matter how much mom drank, I could rely on them to be there. Now I dont have that anymore. Sure I have Kristy and Jeanine, I love them so much for sticking with me, but I lost my best friend of 8 years, and all my other best friends. I'm afraid Kristy and Jeanine will get sick of me when I hit rock bottom.
I've realized what needs to be changed. I now know that I cant start crying everytime someone looks at me wrong. The truth is that I'm always going to be an overdramtic person, that can't be changed. I'm always going to react to things in the most extreme way. That is just who I am. However, I can change it by not expressing it as much. From now on, when something happens, I'm just not going to talk about it. At least not with them. I think thats the best way for me to fix this problem. I know that they will never accept me for who I truly am, which makes me think twice about even bothering with them, but they have become a huge part of my life. They have become my weekends, my summers, my late night phone calls and early morning chats. They were the people I hugged in the middle of the hallway, no matter how long we held up people tring to get to their next class. I'm having a hard time imagining walking past them in the hallway without even so much as a "hello".
Kristy and Jeanine are the most amazing people I will ever meet. They love me for who I am, and have no trouble putting me in my place when I need to be. I can never truly thank them enough for being there for me when I needed them most. They came over last night when they didnt have to, they didnt want me to spend the night alone. They came even though Jeanine was terribly sick and Kristy probably could have had something better to do. They are my best friends, and I love them to death.
For now, I'm going to do what they are telling me to. "Keep it simple" meaning not talking to them, hanging out with them, or anything along those lines. I plan on keeping to myself for a while and just laying low. I know I wont even be completley alone as long as I have Kristy and Jeanine, and that helps alot. Hopefully I'll be able to focus more on school, especially history. Maybe this is happening for a reason, maybe I'm just supposed to focus on school now. Hopefully this will all blow over eventually.
I didnt sleep at all last night, literally. I didnt fall asleep until 6. I had to call my mom (my parents went to Atlantic City for the night) and talk to her for an hour to help calm me down. I'm such a baby sometimes. Kristy was sleeping right next to me, but I just had to talk to my mommy. I woke up and now I'm literally sick.
I'm really dreading school tommorow. I'm at the point where I would rather break every bone in my body than have to face them. Of course if they saw this, I would be told I'm just being overly dramatic.
I dont really know what to do with myself. Am I allowed to sit at the lunch table anymore? I'm so scared I'll go and sit down and someone will say "what are you doing here?". I have to get a new math tutor, because my current tutor will not have anything to do with me. I can already see my grades dropping.
This has been the worst year of my life so far. No matter how bad everything got, I always knew I would have my friends to fall back on. No matter how many breakups, no matter how sick dad got, no matter how much mom drank, I could rely on them to be there. Now I dont have that anymore. Sure I have Kristy and Jeanine, I love them so much for sticking with me, but I lost my best friend of 8 years, and all my other best friends. I'm afraid Kristy and Jeanine will get sick of me when I hit rock bottom.
I've realized what needs to be changed. I now know that I cant start crying everytime someone looks at me wrong. The truth is that I'm always going to be an overdramtic person, that can't be changed. I'm always going to react to things in the most extreme way. That is just who I am. However, I can change it by not expressing it as much. From now on, when something happens, I'm just not going to talk about it. At least not with them. I think thats the best way for me to fix this problem. I know that they will never accept me for who I truly am, which makes me think twice about even bothering with them, but they have become a huge part of my life. They have become my weekends, my summers, my late night phone calls and early morning chats. They were the people I hugged in the middle of the hallway, no matter how long we held up people tring to get to their next class. I'm having a hard time imagining walking past them in the hallway without even so much as a "hello".
Kristy and Jeanine are the most amazing people I will ever meet. They love me for who I am, and have no trouble putting me in my place when I need to be. I can never truly thank them enough for being there for me when I needed them most. They came over last night when they didnt have to, they didnt want me to spend the night alone. They came even though Jeanine was terribly sick and Kristy probably could have had something better to do. They are my best friends, and I love them to death.
For now, I'm going to do what they are telling me to. "Keep it simple" meaning not talking to them, hanging out with them, or anything along those lines. I plan on keeping to myself for a while and just laying low. I know I wont even be completley alone as long as I have Kristy and Jeanine, and that helps alot. Hopefully I'll be able to focus more on school, especially history. Maybe this is happening for a reason, maybe I'm just supposed to focus on school now. Hopefully this will all blow over eventually.