music music
it surprises me how much i'm influenced by music...hmm
i can be turned around in my mood by music SOOO easily...
put earphones on me with depressing shit...and i'll be all sad n shit...but if it's happy forget it im' up hyper and everything else.
it's cool and bad lol
ne wayz
today was cool
quiet...
boring
the usual
and yeah..
so let's see.
i've taken a big interest in listening to AFI songs lately...my sister lets me listen to her cd and it's really good..
very surprising..
and it surprised me that the lead singer shaves his armpits, and wears more makeup than i've ever worn, it's funny.
ne wayz lol
sry sal n i were watching the hard rock live showing of afi...
they're really good live....i should see them
ne wayz
i was just thinking about how i can't wait to not hear evanescense ne more....fucking burning like incense....sell outs..ne wayz
what else
hmmm
Hopefulyl hanging out and shopping this week...gotta get presents for my brother, college buddy sam, and amanda...BLAH! i am clueless on what to get my brother..ne suggenstions on what to get your 32 yr old brother who looks like he's 20, and is an amatuer championships kickboxer.....???? ne hints on that?
ne wayzers...comment please...i guess talking on here is cool cuz it lets out the day stress..
what else...
ppl commented so i'll continue to write lol, beckah kept it alive haha
ne wayz. i have decided..
everything i ever thought these past years have been wrong...everything from stereotypes, life in general, relationships, self worth, love, sex, alcohol, friends, trust, EVERYHING.
i just feel like everything is absolute, and everything is on what you choose..every little thing counts towards everything..
and i think of how my life would be if i were prettier, if i were skinnier..will it hurt me later?
i feel like when i look back on my life, i'm going to regret everything..and that who i am now will fuck me up for life..
i don't plan on being fat forever..in case ne one didn't notice...
and it's weird, cuz i know this is a stage, and i kno and i know a lot of book smart things, but i'm still going through everything i knew would happen...it's weird, and i'll go through everything in order or occurrence in my life..but the future seems so bleak to me...it's like right after highschool..it seems not to continue..like i won't have a job, house, dog, two kids, a husband...or ne thing at all of love..i don't believe i'll ever get married. i want to one day. but i feel like my life will end right out of highschool...like i'll go off to a year of college..i can see that..but for the rest..it's hard cuz i can't see it...and it's weird cuz i think of the friends i mite lose....and it keeps me awake at nite...will ppl miss me? will they want to stay in contact? will i even see them by my 10th reunion? will i be someone i want to portray? will i have anything of the life i only dream about? how will these petty things in life prepare me for a bigger force. so unfair cruel, and harsh...i don't understand how highschool or middle school "prepare u" for real life..as they claim.....wtf...these dumb classes teach me life? teaches me about college...btu nothing on banking...which every person needs, managing money, watching their credit, purchasing cars, payments, fniancial oppertunities, the stock market, the goverment at large affecting us on everything...not just our courts and such...and i'm not even done here....including smart consumer chopping ( the biggest problem a lot of us have) and then smart nutritional shopping, i mean these things are good to learn when you NEED to know them for lile...not liek a fucking qudratic equation to use for you highschool years...it annoys me the society we live in...i hate living worrying about what ppl might think of me. i know i do. and i hate it. and i try not to. but i do...and it hurts me inside..cuz it's not who i truly am...but then again who the fuck am i? i'm not classified as anyone...i can't put myself in a general catagory...i'm not a fan of many bands, i can't stick to one of anything, i stick so close to current topics, i'll forget what the fuck you told me five minutes ago...i mean i can classify some of my friends as someone...but i change so often....no one seems to keep up with me...whether good or bad it really doesn't matter, but i fly way to fast for people. i move on while ppl think and ponder on something./...i have mood swings...i will go thru a depressing music stange...then a nothing but coming home nothing hainging out and happy music stage...but i mean i have no classification...i wear clothes that i like. that i think look nice on me..and that's that....i don't create ne specific interest to anyone really...i don't really have that interesting of a life to even liek brag about or ne thing...i gossip...that's all there is for me to say..i mean i won't spill stuff like how my past has made me who i am..liek eprsonal things...i won't and can't, but then again..who cares? everyone's got problems..the only one i told that secret too went thru the same thing as me. i'm set. i talked about it...now can life go on..but it can't...time stands still for me....days pass me by. the same shit everyday. i'm the same person everyday, and after everythign this person sleeps, wakes up goes to school...i try to make things interesting..but it ends up the same that i am sitting in school wasting my life thinking too much. i'll never stop either....sux but hey..that's life...and then i hate how i think that i need to show people how true friends should be..i hate that shit...sometimes..i can't be who they turn to. i realize that, and i try ne wayz, tho other ppl have other plp to talk to..i set myself up as someone to talk too...it's tiring...but hey..someone gotta listen to some else's shit i guess...and then i don't know how i'll tie myself down to the same thing like my mom everyday..she sits home now..miserable without a job...u hafta understand she's never been without a job before...she's always home..she's doign the same miserable rituals everyday...if i end up like that...i'm gunna flip out...but i mean..my life is so simple...live, be miserable...sorta get happier, then die...i mean it's miserable...but so ne wayz.
no one needs to expect ne thing from me. i'm my own person. i'll never hurt someone...but i can't make u happy..i'll put u as far up as my tired arms will let u...that's when you gri[ the bar and hold yourself up...bt these arms are tired...my soul is tired..
i'm tired..
tired of drama, tired of the same shit everyday, tired of being myself, tired of not knowing, my eyes are glazing over with the thought of being alone...
everyones getting depressed. might as well go down too. though that's not how i think. there are too many depressed people to stay sane in this world. i need to grow up...get away...
people need to stop kicking themselves in the ass for shit they have no control over. people need to stop that becuz life'll move on...yeah life sux now. but at least i'm lokoing ahead for my later years...
i don't like how pople are single minded..one track..never think otherwise than themselves.
i'm tired of everything.
if you read this far. congradulations. you know more about me than i kno.
L
i can be turned around in my mood by music SOOO easily...
put earphones on me with depressing shit...and i'll be all sad n shit...but if it's happy forget it im' up hyper and everything else.
it's cool and bad lol
ne wayz
today was cool
quiet...
boring
the usual
and yeah..
so let's see.
i've taken a big interest in listening to AFI songs lately...my sister lets me listen to her cd and it's really good..
very surprising..
and it surprised me that the lead singer shaves his armpits, and wears more makeup than i've ever worn, it's funny.
ne wayz lol
sry sal n i were watching the hard rock live showing of afi...
they're really good live....i should see them
ne wayz
i was just thinking about how i can't wait to not hear evanescense ne more....fucking burning like incense....sell outs..ne wayz
what else
hmmm
Hopefulyl hanging out and shopping this week...gotta get presents for my brother, college buddy sam, and amanda...BLAH! i am clueless on what to get my brother..ne suggenstions on what to get your 32 yr old brother who looks like he's 20, and is an amatuer championships kickboxer.....???? ne hints on that?
ne wayzers...comment please...i guess talking on here is cool cuz it lets out the day stress..
what else...
ppl commented so i'll continue to write lol, beckah kept it alive haha
ne wayz. i have decided..
everything i ever thought these past years have been wrong...everything from stereotypes, life in general, relationships, self worth, love, sex, alcohol, friends, trust, EVERYHING.
i just feel like everything is absolute, and everything is on what you choose..every little thing counts towards everything..
and i think of how my life would be if i were prettier, if i were skinnier..will it hurt me later?
i feel like when i look back on my life, i'm going to regret everything..and that who i am now will fuck me up for life..
i don't plan on being fat forever..in case ne one didn't notice...
and it's weird, cuz i know this is a stage, and i kno and i know a lot of book smart things, but i'm still going through everything i knew would happen...it's weird, and i'll go through everything in order or occurrence in my life..but the future seems so bleak to me...it's like right after highschool..it seems not to continue..like i won't have a job, house, dog, two kids, a husband...or ne thing at all of love..i don't believe i'll ever get married. i want to one day. but i feel like my life will end right out of highschool...like i'll go off to a year of college..i can see that..but for the rest..it's hard cuz i can't see it...and it's weird cuz i think of the friends i mite lose....and it keeps me awake at nite...will ppl miss me? will they want to stay in contact? will i even see them by my 10th reunion? will i be someone i want to portray? will i have anything of the life i only dream about? how will these petty things in life prepare me for a bigger force. so unfair cruel, and harsh...i don't understand how highschool or middle school "prepare u" for real life..as they claim.....wtf...these dumb classes teach me life? teaches me about college...btu nothing on banking...which every person needs, managing money, watching their credit, purchasing cars, payments, fniancial oppertunities, the stock market, the goverment at large affecting us on everything...not just our courts and such...and i'm not even done here....including smart consumer chopping ( the biggest problem a lot of us have) and then smart nutritional shopping, i mean these things are good to learn when you NEED to know them for lile...not liek a fucking qudratic equation to use for you highschool years...it annoys me the society we live in...i hate living worrying about what ppl might think of me. i know i do. and i hate it. and i try not to. but i do...and it hurts me inside..cuz it's not who i truly am...but then again who the fuck am i? i'm not classified as anyone...i can't put myself in a general catagory...i'm not a fan of many bands, i can't stick to one of anything, i stick so close to current topics, i'll forget what the fuck you told me five minutes ago...i mean i can classify some of my friends as someone...but i change so often....no one seems to keep up with me...whether good or bad it really doesn't matter, but i fly way to fast for people. i move on while ppl think and ponder on something./...i have mood swings...i will go thru a depressing music stange...then a nothing but coming home nothing hainging out and happy music stage...but i mean i have no classification...i wear clothes that i like. that i think look nice on me..and that's that....i don't create ne specific interest to anyone really...i don't really have that interesting of a life to even liek brag about or ne thing...i gossip...that's all there is for me to say..i mean i won't spill stuff like how my past has made me who i am..liek eprsonal things...i won't and can't, but then again..who cares? everyone's got problems..the only one i told that secret too went thru the same thing as me. i'm set. i talked about it...now can life go on..but it can't...time stands still for me....days pass me by. the same shit everyday. i'm the same person everyday, and after everythign this person sleeps, wakes up goes to school...i try to make things interesting..but it ends up the same that i am sitting in school wasting my life thinking too much. i'll never stop either....sux but hey..that's life...and then i hate how i think that i need to show people how true friends should be..i hate that shit...sometimes..i can't be who they turn to. i realize that, and i try ne wayz, tho other ppl have other plp to talk to..i set myself up as someone to talk too...it's tiring...but hey..someone gotta listen to some else's shit i guess...and then i don't know how i'll tie myself down to the same thing like my mom everyday..she sits home now..miserable without a job...u hafta understand she's never been without a job before...she's always home..she's doign the same miserable rituals everyday...if i end up like that...i'm gunna flip out...but i mean..my life is so simple...live, be miserable...sorta get happier, then die...i mean it's miserable...but so ne wayz.
no one needs to expect ne thing from me. i'm my own person. i'll never hurt someone...but i can't make u happy..i'll put u as far up as my tired arms will let u...that's when you gri[ the bar and hold yourself up...bt these arms are tired...my soul is tired..
i'm tired..
tired of drama, tired of the same shit everyday, tired of being myself, tired of not knowing, my eyes are glazing over with the thought of being alone...
everyones getting depressed. might as well go down too. though that's not how i think. there are too many depressed people to stay sane in this world. i need to grow up...get away...
people need to stop kicking themselves in the ass for shit they have no control over. people need to stop that becuz life'll move on...yeah life sux now. but at least i'm lokoing ahead for my later years...
i don't like how pople are single minded..one track..never think otherwise than themselves.
i'm tired of everything.
if you read this far. congradulations. you know more about me than i kno.
L