emo - ness
Tonight is a bad night.
Dann called me. We go onto the Laura subject.. he said if it weren't for me, he'd be with her. Wow. that one hurt. He didn't hear me cry. *thank god* I love him so much, and lately I've been terrified that I'll lose him. I try so hard to make him happy, and everything I do doesn't seem to work. My mom told me that we wont last while I'm in Connecticut. I cry just thinking about it.
I want to be with him forever. I think about my future, about where I'll be in 10 years, he's all I see. I can't picture myself without him... I feel like he understands me, like he knows me.
He said we hardly know each other. If he hardly knows me, how can he tell me he loves me? he has to know me ... or I wouldn't feel so at home when I'm with him. I don't understand anymore. I feel like crawling into the deepest darkest hole I can find, and dying. After our conversation today on the phone, I feel empty. I feel like everything .. my heart, my soul, my energy and my life has been sucked out of me.
Here comes the downward spiral again .. bringing me down to where I never wanted to be again. This is familiar ground. My familiar state of mind, deep, dark, and the most dangerous place I've ever been.
I'm sorry if my attitude is an inconvenience to my friends.
None of you would notice if I was dead until you complained about the blood on the carpet.
I Love You Dann. I'm not like her. I wont hurt you like she did. You are the best thing tha'ts ever happened to me. But you have to let me know what's going on in your mind. i love you, and I never want to let you go.
Me and you. forever.
-Shell-