(no subject)
Well for the past week i have been trying to be cool about shit but I sat down and thought about it today and realized that I'm not cool with it. None of it. Call me stupid...call me crazy but I thought that there was still sumthing there. Being that im venting and not trying to start drama Im not gonna mention any names in this lj entry. Please be warned this is my journal...nobody said u had to read it. So if u are offended by w/e I say then SORRY! U choose to read it!
Here I go:
So since exactly 11/13 i have been hanging out with this person. Well until this past sunday 11/27. The reason i kno the exact date, not cuz im crazy but because I have the lions ticket stub. After the game me and sum of my friends went to coney island to eat and then to visit this one person. It was only for like 20 minutes...no big deal. The next day 11/14 i got a text message "That new eminem song reminds me of you" And for those of u who have heard that song "when im gone" you should all kno what that means. Now im not gonna lie i sent text messages telling this person that i missed them and that they were like one of my best friends and blah blah. At the time it was true. I really did think that no matter what, this person and I would be friends. Thats how close I felt with them. Apparently i was wrong and all this person was, was a liar....pretty much. From then on we would hang out at least once a week. And talk pretty much every day throughout the week. The one the weekends this persons phone would get turned off or sumthing along those lines from overwhleming text messages...i think?! So then the weekend would be over and this person would come around again. They would hang out with me and my friends and were really really nice. Never said a single mean thing to me. I sent this person a text message one day saying "i miss you but you make me really mad" and when this person called and asked me about it...i denied it. So they called one of my BEST FRIENDS to ask why i denied it. Now that seems to me like sumone cared about me. Calling my best friend is a big step. SHIT, hanging out withe me and my best friens is a HUGE STEP. The only reason I kno im not crazy and this past month was real is that there were so many ppl there to witness it. Everyone would tell me how much this person STILL LIKED ME and how much he cared about me. No sex was involved so it felt really good knowing that I could hang out with this person and not feel presured to do sumthing just because of our past. IT FELT REALLY REALLY good. Im not gonna lie...I thought that there were no feelings left for this person but when we hung out...i realized that there were. I didnt intend for things to be like that but it just felt natural.....
I would be all happy when i would see this person...yet i was scared at the same time. I knew that this would all end way too soon. I should be a psychic because loook what happened. Everything started all over again. Everything is so complicated now. But this person told me that they could never hate me and that no matter what we would be friends. Kinda weird how people LIE. If you always have to lie to someone...sumthing is not right. When you feel the need to lie to sumone to be with them...that's definitely not right at all. I knew i should have never ever started talking to this person again but i couldnt help it. There was no closure. I would be lying if I sat here and said that i hated this person or that i would never talk to them again. And im not about lie..I should have to lie about what happened...it wasnt my fault.
However, I feel the need to lie because I just want everyone to be happy even if I'm not....I don't really kno what to do anymore. But Imma be stong and try my best to wish for the best.....
Hopefully in the end...everything will be ok
Who knows......
The end, hope u all enjoyed it!
Here I go:
So since exactly 11/13 i have been hanging out with this person. Well until this past sunday 11/27. The reason i kno the exact date, not cuz im crazy but because I have the lions ticket stub. After the game me and sum of my friends went to coney island to eat and then to visit this one person. It was only for like 20 minutes...no big deal. The next day 11/14 i got a text message "That new eminem song reminds me of you" And for those of u who have heard that song "when im gone" you should all kno what that means. Now im not gonna lie i sent text messages telling this person that i missed them and that they were like one of my best friends and blah blah. At the time it was true. I really did think that no matter what, this person and I would be friends. Thats how close I felt with them. Apparently i was wrong and all this person was, was a liar....pretty much. From then on we would hang out at least once a week. And talk pretty much every day throughout the week. The one the weekends this persons phone would get turned off or sumthing along those lines from overwhleming text messages...i think?! So then the weekend would be over and this person would come around again. They would hang out with me and my friends and were really really nice. Never said a single mean thing to me. I sent this person a text message one day saying "i miss you but you make me really mad" and when this person called and asked me about it...i denied it. So they called one of my BEST FRIENDS to ask why i denied it. Now that seems to me like sumone cared about me. Calling my best friend is a big step. SHIT, hanging out withe me and my best friens is a HUGE STEP. The only reason I kno im not crazy and this past month was real is that there were so many ppl there to witness it. Everyone would tell me how much this person STILL LIKED ME and how much he cared about me. No sex was involved so it felt really good knowing that I could hang out with this person and not feel presured to do sumthing just because of our past. IT FELT REALLY REALLY good. Im not gonna lie...I thought that there were no feelings left for this person but when we hung out...i realized that there were. I didnt intend for things to be like that but it just felt natural.....
I would be all happy when i would see this person...yet i was scared at the same time. I knew that this would all end way too soon. I should be a psychic because loook what happened. Everything started all over again. Everything is so complicated now. But this person told me that they could never hate me and that no matter what we would be friends. Kinda weird how people LIE. If you always have to lie to someone...sumthing is not right. When you feel the need to lie to sumone to be with them...that's definitely not right at all. I knew i should have never ever started talking to this person again but i couldnt help it. There was no closure. I would be lying if I sat here and said that i hated this person or that i would never talk to them again. And im not about lie..I should have to lie about what happened...it wasnt my fault.
However, I feel the need to lie because I just want everyone to be happy even if I'm not....I don't really kno what to do anymore. But Imma be stong and try my best to wish for the best.....
Hopefully in the end...everything will be ok
Who knows......
The end, hope u all enjoyed it!