Idk? Juss Comment? Tell me what i should do?
November 15, 2005
Nick--
I know you absolutely hate it when i write you all these letters, because it takes you forever to read and like kills you to read this much, lol ;) but its the only way i can actually get out what i want to say to you. It's just alot easier for me and it comes out alot better. But tomorrow (Wednesday) would of been our year and three months, no biggy or anything but its been alot of fun getting to spend all this time with you when i didnt think i would of gotten this much time when we first started seeing eachother. I don't know it's just crazy to look back on how we started out and how we are right now. When we first started going out i didn't think it was going to last like the way it has. Because of whole bunch of different things, like us living on other sides of towns when neither of us could drive, our age difference, we went to different schools, or because i didn't know if you would of wanted to have a girlfriend for a long time after what happend. But i am happy i met you when i did and i got the chance to be with you when i had the chance to. I wouldn't change it for the world. You may not think anything about what im telling you but you taught me a lot. To forgive and forget, to love and hate at the same time, anything and everything you could possibly think of. Honestly, you're the first boyfriend ive ever really actually had, sounds stupid i know, but i know thats why im always going to be "inlove with you." There is just something about you that makes me love you more and more each time im with you. I love you more than you could ever imagine. No matter how many times you break my heart or piss me off i always wanna love you more cause i never want to lose you or give up on you. Its something about you that makes me wanna come back and have more. I dont know why im like that towards you cause ive never been that way towards anyone else. I dont want you to think im a crazy bitch who is obsessed over you cause its not like that at all, lol. Im just try showing you how i actually feel about this and i dont want you out of my life. If we ended it for good this time, or if not a different time i still want to be there with you cause it would break my heart to never get to talk to you again. Ever since last night when we broke up i dont think ive stopped crying. It comes and goes though. Ill start thinking about something else and forget about it and then Ill get my mind on it again and just start crying. If i hear something, see something, or do anything that reminds me of you i just want to roll up in a ball and cry sounds stupid but its how i feel. All i want is to hear how you feel about this, I dont care how stupid you sound i want to hear it from you. Youve heard it from me enough times and it seems like i repeat myself over and over because nothing ever changes the way i feel about me and you. And sometimes it scares me to think that because i dont think the feeling is ever going to go away, and i dont want to scare you either. I will try my hardest to give you your space and time if you need it even though i dont like the thought of that but i have to understand how you feel and just deal with it. But because i care about you and care about how you feel ill respect it and give you what you want. No matter what id be happy for you even if i wasnt happy. Youll never really know how much you mean to me though i dont think i could ever get the chance to show it or to explain it. And I am sorry for the way ive been acting lately cause i know i can be a bitch but as forth you should be sorry too, cause you can really do a good job at being an ass hole if you try hard enough. Yeah, we fight, but alot of the time it is over the stupidest shit but we usually get over it and make up with eachother in less than an hour. Its like i can just want to beat the shit outta you then give you the biggest kisses after i do it. Scream at you because you pissed me off, but then tell you that i love you. Or tell you that i hate you and i dont want to talk to you then four seconds later tell you that i love you. And thats exactly how it is. I dont want to think its over for good yet because we havent really talked about anything thats happend. But i know once we talk im not gunna wanna let go either. I know and im not trying to sound like cocky or whatever the word it is for this but noones ever going to love you as much as i ever will or treat you as good as i ever have. Youve put me through alot of shit i will say, but ive stayed and stuck with it but its for one reason, cause of how much you mean to me and yeah i probally have put you through some shit too but i dont think its as much as you have to me. We have a hell of a past i know that, but how i said in the begining of the letter youve taught me how to forgive and forget and ive done that alot. Or how to love and to hate cause i know i can i hate you but then love you so much at the same time. I dont know what i would do if you were completely out of my life forever, it would hurt me more than ive ever been hurt before. And im scared to be that hurt because i dont think ive ever felt that hurt to lose you for good and that means forever and i dont want to have to feel that much pain of forever. You mean the world to me Nicholas, please get that in your head! I would do anything i could possibly do to simply make you happy. Read this till you get what im trying to say to you please and when you do get it tell me and it would mean so much to me, you have no idea. To simply hear you tell me how you feel would make me feel so much better, honestly. I love you more than words could ever be put together and more than numbers itself. Always remember that for me please. Im sorry it took so many words to explain to you how i feel but when i tell you that i love you i dont think you totally get what im really saying to you when i say it. All of what ive explained equals up to why i love you so much. This is real long but it was worth it cause it was all for you.
I Love You Nick-- Xoxo,Emily
Nick--
I know you absolutely hate it when i write you all these letters, because it takes you forever to read and like kills you to read this much, lol ;) but its the only way i can actually get out what i want to say to you. It's just alot easier for me and it comes out alot better. But tomorrow (Wednesday) would of been our year and three months, no biggy or anything but its been alot of fun getting to spend all this time with you when i didnt think i would of gotten this much time when we first started seeing eachother. I don't know it's just crazy to look back on how we started out and how we are right now. When we first started going out i didn't think it was going to last like the way it has. Because of whole bunch of different things, like us living on other sides of towns when neither of us could drive, our age difference, we went to different schools, or because i didn't know if you would of wanted to have a girlfriend for a long time after what happend. But i am happy i met you when i did and i got the chance to be with you when i had the chance to. I wouldn't change it for the world. You may not think anything about what im telling you but you taught me a lot. To forgive and forget, to love and hate at the same time, anything and everything you could possibly think of. Honestly, you're the first boyfriend ive ever really actually had, sounds stupid i know, but i know thats why im always going to be "inlove with you." There is just something about you that makes me love you more and more each time im with you. I love you more than you could ever imagine. No matter how many times you break my heart or piss me off i always wanna love you more cause i never want to lose you or give up on you. Its something about you that makes me wanna come back and have more. I dont know why im like that towards you cause ive never been that way towards anyone else. I dont want you to think im a crazy bitch who is obsessed over you cause its not like that at all, lol. Im just try showing you how i actually feel about this and i dont want you out of my life. If we ended it for good this time, or if not a different time i still want to be there with you cause it would break my heart to never get to talk to you again. Ever since last night when we broke up i dont think ive stopped crying. It comes and goes though. Ill start thinking about something else and forget about it and then Ill get my mind on it again and just start crying. If i hear something, see something, or do anything that reminds me of you i just want to roll up in a ball and cry sounds stupid but its how i feel. All i want is to hear how you feel about this, I dont care how stupid you sound i want to hear it from you. Youve heard it from me enough times and it seems like i repeat myself over and over because nothing ever changes the way i feel about me and you. And sometimes it scares me to think that because i dont think the feeling is ever going to go away, and i dont want to scare you either. I will try my hardest to give you your space and time if you need it even though i dont like the thought of that but i have to understand how you feel and just deal with it. But because i care about you and care about how you feel ill respect it and give you what you want. No matter what id be happy for you even if i wasnt happy. Youll never really know how much you mean to me though i dont think i could ever get the chance to show it or to explain it. And I am sorry for the way ive been acting lately cause i know i can be a bitch but as forth you should be sorry too, cause you can really do a good job at being an ass hole if you try hard enough. Yeah, we fight, but alot of the time it is over the stupidest shit but we usually get over it and make up with eachother in less than an hour. Its like i can just want to beat the shit outta you then give you the biggest kisses after i do it. Scream at you because you pissed me off, but then tell you that i love you. Or tell you that i hate you and i dont want to talk to you then four seconds later tell you that i love you. And thats exactly how it is. I dont want to think its over for good yet because we havent really talked about anything thats happend. But i know once we talk im not gunna wanna let go either. I know and im not trying to sound like cocky or whatever the word it is for this but noones ever going to love you as much as i ever will or treat you as good as i ever have. Youve put me through alot of shit i will say, but ive stayed and stuck with it but its for one reason, cause of how much you mean to me and yeah i probally have put you through some shit too but i dont think its as much as you have to me. We have a hell of a past i know that, but how i said in the begining of the letter youve taught me how to forgive and forget and ive done that alot. Or how to love and to hate cause i know i can i hate you but then love you so much at the same time. I dont know what i would do if you were completely out of my life forever, it would hurt me more than ive ever been hurt before. And im scared to be that hurt because i dont think ive ever felt that hurt to lose you for good and that means forever and i dont want to have to feel that much pain of forever. You mean the world to me Nicholas, please get that in your head! I would do anything i could possibly do to simply make you happy. Read this till you get what im trying to say to you please and when you do get it tell me and it would mean so much to me, you have no idea. To simply hear you tell me how you feel would make me feel so much better, honestly. I love you more than words could ever be put together and more than numbers itself. Always remember that for me please. Im sorry it took so many words to explain to you how i feel but when i tell you that i love you i dont think you totally get what im really saying to you when i say it. All of what ive explained equals up to why i love you so much. This is real long but it was worth it cause it was all for you.
I Love You Nick-- Xoxo,Emily