(no subject)
figured out why it's been so long since i went into my head. life is too expansive, and too short at the same time. im still the little boy standing in a hall of doors with no idea which one to go through to find my mom. but i guess ive narrowed it down, and that's better than nothing. i have too much fun, where ever i am, and that may be a problem--if we're viewing things by society's traditional standards that woulds make me lazy and unproductive. BUT FUCK IT
i want to quit
and i want to do everything
and whatever i do, i want to do it full speed
it would really be awesome if i could have one day without this fucking constant contradicting confusion bullshit. thats probably why drugs were so appealing for so long, get stuck on one frequency, ride it, and do whatever to keep riding it. and now for various reasons thats just not enough, so it's back to being the semi-clueless little boy.
FUFILL ME, YOU DAMN LIFE
\or at least let me know what I want so i can get to work on it goddamnit
why am i always asking something or someone else for this kind of shit? probably because i was raised super religiously and now ive got super conflicting reflexes resulting from a super shift of ideologies at a super formative age. god i love just sleeping. and knowing that sometimes i will again feel that "i am actually alive" feeling and one day there will be something, or nothing, after this crazy shit.
im sufficiently ready to get drunk and loud and make no sense. six pack appetizer. thank you, pointless journal. ill be able to read my own thoughts again tomorrow and wonder who i was last night.
i want to quit
and i want to do everything
and whatever i do, i want to do it full speed
it would really be awesome if i could have one day without this fucking constant contradicting confusion bullshit. thats probably why drugs were so appealing for so long, get stuck on one frequency, ride it, and do whatever to keep riding it. and now for various reasons thats just not enough, so it's back to being the semi-clueless little boy.
FUFILL ME, YOU DAMN LIFE
\or at least let me know what I want so i can get to work on it goddamnit
why am i always asking something or someone else for this kind of shit? probably because i was raised super religiously and now ive got super conflicting reflexes resulting from a super shift of ideologies at a super formative age. god i love just sleeping. and knowing that sometimes i will again feel that "i am actually alive" feeling and one day there will be something, or nothing, after this crazy shit.
im sufficiently ready to get drunk and loud and make no sense. six pack appetizer. thank you, pointless journal. ill be able to read my own thoughts again tomorrow and wonder who i was last night.