*~the EX revelation~*
yesterday i realized something - that my defense mechanism of forgetting what's painful in my memories (mental bloc) was spreading to my unconscious mind - meaning i realized i was trying to erase my past. maybe doing things with morgan, because i'm SO happy now, can erase the memories from BEFORE with others that pain me to remember that time. i mean, when you get out of a relationship, you immediately react by "i'm never doing THAT again" like i did, naturally, because one doesn't want the same thing to happen again. painfulness!
but yesterday i realized that i can't erase the past, mentally i knew, but emotionally i realized it as well, so then after ya realize something ur doing, you can stop fighting it, and come to terms with it. i'm not going to erase anyone in my past, nor in his, which forces me to acknowledge them all a lot, and i really really respect noon to a high degree now that i see that the exes will NEVER be forgotten, they are kind of this continual presence with a person for what the experience taught them, even if they've changed since, it's the memory of them then. so mentally AND EMOTIONALLY i've realized this and i'm so much more at peace and confident with everything.
now, maybe i can get over some of my defense mechanisms, and once morgan and i last more than 3 months the curse of defense mechanism haven will be broken, and it'll become more than just plain trust. i dunno, can't explain yet. where it stays "perfect" for more -much more- than just the first couple months and we're open with each other, and we mentally match each other. ya somethin like that. <3 ya babes!