(hey baby) it's common lovesick ii/ii

[xxbbq]

eleventh.

A few days after that weird conversation they had, Kyungsoo makes it a point to cancel all plans he has with Joonmyun so he can spend the entire week with Baekhyun instead. It’s Kyungsoo’s way of trying to patch things with him, in a way, and while it’s a little regretful that he hadn’t thought of doing this earlier, Kyungsoo thinks he can still fix this despite being a little late.

It is with this encouraging thought that has Kyungsoo marching his way towards Baekhyun right after he got out of his classes, book bag still in tow. He’s not entirely sure how to go about with his invitation, to be honest, nor is he certain if Baekhyun even wants to talk to him, but Kyungsoo thinks he’ll definitely take his chances.

Everything is worth a shot when it comes to his best friend, after all.

“Hey, Baek,” Kyungsoo greets. Baekhyun momentarily stops putting all of his books into his locker to acknowledge Kyungsoo with a smile. Kyungsoo can’t help but breathe a sigh of relief upon noticing that upturn of lips directed at him. Well, at least this means Baekhyun’s not angry with him, right?

With newfound determination, Kyungsoo goes on, “so there’s this new bubble tea shop that opened down the street. Uh, do you want to-”

“Oh. I can’t,” Baekhyun interjects before Kyungsoo can even finish his whole sentence. Kyungsoo tries not to show how disappointed he is for being turned down.

“You have other plans? That’s okay, we can still go tomorrow. Or the next day if you want,” Kyungsoo babbles on. He can’t recall ever feeling like this - or, rather, Baekhyun never made him feel like this - like he’s scrambling for more time with his best friend, time that Baekhyun usually has for him no matter what.

“I’m…actually going out with this new guy I met,” Baekhyun explains. “His name’s Kris. He’s also a college student and he’s on a break for a few weeks so I want to spend whatever free time he has left before he needs to go back to uni.”

Well. This is news. Kyungsoo doesn’t know Baekhyun’s been going out these past few days. Probably not to snag another hook-up but, with Baekhyun, it’s almost always what happens when he’s out socializing with other people, anyway.

Kyungsoo can’t help but feel a little bitter. He’d spent the past few days holed in his room, ignoring Joonmyun’s calls and invitations to go out and meet him in fear of being seen by Baekhyun and making matters even worse, only to find out that Baekhyun’s been spending those same days doing the complete opposite. It’s ridiculous, and totally something that shouldn’t even bother Kyungsoo that much, but no one can really blame him for feeling like a total shit all of a sudden.

“...That wouldn’t be a problem, right, Kyungsoo?” Baekhyun’s question zips right through his jumbled thoughts and it’s isn’t long before Kyungsoo finds himself staring at a worried Baekhyun.

“Yeah, of course,” Kyungsoo says. His answer sounds a little hollow in his ears, but it’s what makes the worried crease in Baekhyun’s forehead disappear so Kyungsoo just satisfies himself with that. “You really like this guy, don’t you?”

At his question, Baekhyun’s cheeks turn a little pink and Kyungsoo realizes how long it has been since he’d seen his best friend like this. Well, much too long that he really can’t remember, that’s for sure. “Yeah, I do. I really, really like him, Soo. I don’t think I’ve ever met someone like him before.”

That’s what you said about all those other guys and girls you dated before, Kyungsoo wants to say. But his relationship with Baekhyun now is kind of frail and delicate as it is; Kyungsoo doesn’t need to do anything that will further compromise that.

“Good luck on this Kris guy, then. Sweep him right off his feet, will you?” Kyungsoo throws him the most supportive smile that he can muster and when Baekhyun smiles back, albeit a little hesitant on the corners, Kyungsoo feels like he’d done something right today, at least.

“I will,” Baekhyun softly says. He stares at Kyungsoo then, and Kyungsoo catches himself almost blown away by the expression on Baekhyun’s face. It’s the same unreadable look like before, only now Kyungsoo can see a hint of emotion in Baekhyun’s eyes - like Baekhyun’s torn between keeping Kyungsoo out or letting him in on a little secret.

It’s gone before Kyungsoo can even try and put a name on what it is, though. And, once again, he’s left staring at Baekhyun’s retreating back while he just stands there, feeling every little bit of the failure that he is.

Kyungsoo realizes he’s never gotten the chance to ask Baekhyun when, exactly, he’ll be free again so they can hang-out and talk and basically just spend time together. But with the way things are going between Baekhyun and this Kris guy, Kyungsoo thinks it’s probably best for him not to hope for something so soon.

Three weeks into barely seeing and talking to Baekhyun (despite how ridiculous it sounds - they attend the same school and practically have the same set of annoying friends, for god’s sake), Kyungsoo figures he’s done enough self-damage by moping around and feeling like a completely useless friend, that he needs to actually take a step back now and just stop.

While it doesn’t help Kyungsoo’s case that Baekhyun’s being weirdly elusive lately, it doesn’t change the fact that Kyungsoo can still put their messy relationship aside and be content for his best friend’s happiness.

Baekhyun truly seems like he’s happy with Kris. Or so that’s what Kyungsoo can gather from whatever bit of news he can wheedle out of Jongdae or Chanyeol. Last he’s heard, Kris had brought Baekhyun to an amusement park on their last date. It isn’t really the best kind of place to bring Baekhyun to, if you ask Kyungsoo, because he knows Baekhyun gets all shaky and nervous whenever he’s in such a high place. But maybe Kris wouldn’t be so ignorant not to know about that beforehand, would he? Because Kyungsoo swears he’s going to beat someone to a pulp if Kris so much as makes Baekhyun cry even from just one little mistake.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

Kyungsoo blinks a few times to pull himself away from his thoughts. Immediately, he sees Joonmyun looking at him, eyebrows almost knitted together in worry, and it makes Kyungsoo feel a little guilty for thinking about someone else when Joonmyun is right there with him. Joonmyun has been nothing but a patient and understanding boyfriend for these past few weeks. If it were anyone else, they probably would’ve left Kyungsoo by now because of all the unnecessary moping that he’s been doing. But, thankfully, Joonmyun’s nothing like that and Kyungsoo’s glad that he’s always available to distract him from his thoughts (and more).

“Just thinking about Baekhyun. Like usual,” Kyungsoo whispers. Despite the fact that Baekhyun’s been the center of most of their conversations lately, it’s still a bit embarrassing to admit that Kyungsoo’s been thinking about him more often than not.

Joonmyun just sighs, and if it wasn’t for his arms holding Kyungsoo even closer to him, Kyungsoo would’ve thought Joonmyun had finally gone tired of talking about the same thing over and over and over again. “I think it’s nice that you gave him time for himself, Soo. But just be a little more patient, yeah? I’m sure he’ll come around soon.”

“Three weeks is already a whole fucking lot of time,” Kyungsoo rages. They’ve never been like this - sure, they’ve had petty arguments and childish squabbles from time to time before, but he and Baekhyun have never gone a day or two without making up one way or another first. So why should things be different now? “He’s being unfair. I’ve never acted so childish like this when he used to invite me in all of his dates before. I really don’t understand him…”

“You and Baekhyun are different people, though. You might not understand him now, but I’m sure Baekhyun has his own reasons why he’s doing this.”

For the life of him, he can’t figure out why Baekhyun would willingly distance himself from Kyungsoo. Was it something he did? Something he said that made Baekhyun reconsider his friendship with Kyungsoo? There are a lot of things running through his mind, but more than anything else, it’s the possibility of completely losing his best friend over such a petty matter that has Kyungsoo finally breaking down in front of Joonmyun.

“He’s really important to me, Joonmyun. I don’t want to lose him,” Kyungsoo whimpers weakly against Joonmyun’s neck. It’s his greatest fear being laid out in the open, and Kyungsoo feels like everything’s just gotten even scarier now than when he had kept all of his worries bottled inside.

“And you won’t,” Joonmyun tries to assure him. He cards his fingers through Kyungsoo’s hair and holds him like how one would with a fragile glass. “I know you won’t.”

It’s the first time in a long while that Kyungsoo feels helpless and it frustrates him that there’s nothing else he can do but hope for the same thing, as well.

When Kyungsoo had hoped for an opportunity to talk to Baekhyun, being at a pojangmacha right in the middle of the night to pick up his inebriated best friend wasn’t exactly how he pictured it to be.

Kyungsoo could faintly remember receiving a distressed call from Jongdae at around three in the morning. There were phrases being thrown around in their rather short conversation but all Kyungsoo could recall was hearing Jongdae blabber something about stupid Baekhyun is drowning himself in soju and he keeps calling out your name, you gotta come here man and that was literally all it took for Kyungsoo to rush out of bed and head to the pojangmacha just a few blocks away from Baekhyun’s house.

It’s ridiculous because they haven’t really been talking for the past few weeks, have barely seen each other eye to eye at school even and, yet, Kyungsoo knows he would still be making the same decision in a heartbeat if this ever happens again.

“Kyungsoo!” Jongdae calls from his seat, waving his hand to get Kyungsoo’s attention. There aren’t many patrons at this time of the night so Kyungsoo easily spots them even from where he’s standing by the entrance.

Kyungsoo immediately walks over and shakes his head upon seeing Baekhyun’s body slumped over the table. He’s about to open his mouth and say something when he suddenly realizes another thing: apparently, Baekhyun’s not the only stupid one who has had too much to drink tonight - Chanyeol’s pretty smashed himself, his body sprawled haphazardly close to Baekhyun’s, head almost lolling at the edge of the table. Kyungsoo sighs; he really wants to yell at them for drinking the night away when they’re right in the middle of exams week but Kyungsoo knows it’s going to be a fruitless effort. He should probably be thankful that Jongdae’s a little sober than those two, at least.

“I’m so glad you’re here, Soo. I really don’t know what I’d do with these two idiots here,” Jongdae says. Kyungsoo can tell that he’s had a little drink as well - Jongdae’s accent only really comes out when he’s angry and intoxicated.

“Why did you even let Baekhyun drink too much? You know he’s pretty shit when it comes to holding his alcohol.” It’s a fact that every single one in their group knows about so Kyungsoo doesn’t really understand why Jongdae would willingly let Baekhyun drown himself in bottle after bottle of soju.

“Of course, I know that,” Jongdae answers, grimacing. “But he just kept on drinking even when we tried to stop him. And you know how he gets a little more aggressive than usual when he’s drunk.”

Kyungsoo tsks. “Which is why you shouldn’t let him drink in the first place. Why are you guys here, anyway? Don’t we still have exams tomorrow?”

“He dragged us here after our exams. Practically waited for Chanyeol and I in the hallway and asked us to drink with him,” Jongdae explains. Kyungsoo tries not to show how upset he is for being excluded - yet again - in Baekhyun’s plans. Even after three weeks, it still doesn’t hurt any less, apparently. “He’s pretty brokenhearted, you know? Kris broke up with him today. We don’t really know the exact details but I think Baekhyun took it really badly.”

Well, no shit, Sherlock, Kyungsoo thinks bitterly. It doesn’t really a take a genius to figure that out.

Kyungsoo swallows those words down, however, and just shakes Baekhyun’s shoulder in an attempt to wake him up. “Baek,” he calls. “Baekhyun, time to get up. C’mon, we’re going home.”

It takes Kyungsoo a few more tries but, eventually, he manages to stir Baekhyun into consciousness. Baekhyun blinks his eyes open, once, twice, three times, and, upon realizing that the rather blurry face just inches away from his own actually belongs to Kyungsoo, Baekhyun just proceeds to smile dopily at him. “Kyungsoooooo,” he slurs, “you’re here~”

“Yes, I am. And we’re going home right now, Baekhyun.” Kyungsoo tries to heave Baekhyun up from the table and he’s almost halfway through getting him out of his seat when Baekhyun suddenly starts flailing in his arms. Kyungsoo almost loses his footing while he’s trying to hold Baekhyun down.

“But why,” Baekhyun whines, drawing out the last syllable like a little child. “I wanna drink moooooore.”

“No. No more, Baekhyun. You’ve already had too much tonight,” Kyungsoo scolds. He doesn’t really give a single flying fuck that Jongdae is snorting in his seat right now because Kyungsoo’s reprimanding someone who probably can barely understand him. All he wants to do is to get Baekhyun out of here and bring him home so Kyungsoo can look after him tonight.

Kyungsoo finally manages to get Baekhyun on his wobbly feet after too much work and it takes him a few moments before he can actually find his balance with most of Baekhyun’s weight leaning on him. He cranes his neck to look at Jongdae, only to find him struggling to pull Chanyeol up. Poor guy.

“You’re okay with taking Chanyeol home?” Kyungsoo asks.

“Yeah, yeah,” Jongdae answers. He tries to jerk Chanyeol out of his seat again to no avail. “Go ahead. I’ll see you two at school tomorrow!”

With Baekhyun and Chanyeol’s inebriated state right now, Kyungsoo really doubts that’ll happen but he gives Jongdae a nod as his answer, anyway. After telling Jongdae to text him as soon as he gets home, Kyungsoo squares his shoulders (as much as he can with Baekhyun practically leaning on him) and huffs.

Well, this is going to be a long trek home.

One bus ride (and one too many prayers that Baekhyun won’t make a mess and puke all over the bus seat - or worse, puke all over Kyungsoo) later, they finally reach Kyungsoo’s house. He brings Baekhyun to his room and gently dumps him on the bed, shifting him around so he’s lying right in the middle and not dangling off the edge. Only then does Kyungsoo greedily take the opportunity to look at him, look at the best friend he’s known for more than half of his life, now just within his reach.

Kyungsoo can tell that Baekhyun’s gotten a little thinner since he last saw him - he’s lost some of the fat in his cheeks and his collarbones are protruding a lot more now. He can also see the dark bags now sitting under Baekhyun’s eyes and Kyungsoo briefly wonders if Baekhyun had forgotten how to take care of himself when he wasn’t there by his side to remind him all the time.

And then he remembers that Kris was there, right by Baekhyun’s side, when Kyungsoo wasn’t and Kyungsoo finds that he has to take deep breaths to calm himself down. The urge to beat Kris up is just overwhelmingly strong right now.

Kyungsoo tries to distract himself from his thoughts, lest he ends up doing something ridiculous like getting Kris’s number from Baekhyun’s phone so he can send him a million death threats or whatever. He proceeds to pull the cover up to Baekhyun’s shoulders instead, and tucks him in. “Did you really like him that much? I can’t believe you would even go and get yourself piss drunk like this over a jerk like him.”

“It was a really bad idea, wasn’t it?” Baekhyun suddenly speaks up and then giggles, catching Kyungsoo totally off guard. He’s just lucky Baekhyun’s not awake enough to see him practically jump right out of his skin. “Fuck, my head hurts so much. Why is everything moving in circles-oh god, Soo, make it stop.”

Kyungsoo sighs in exasperation; he almost forgot how talkative and whiny Baekhyun gets when he’s intoxicated. What little restraint Baekhyun has with his words when he’s sober practically fizzles out when he’s too drunk out of his mind. And, right now, Kyungsoo realizes with a frown that that’s exactly what he is.

“It’s your fault for drinking too much. You know how low your alcohol tolerance is,” Kyungsoo nags. “You need to stop being careless like this, Baekhyun. You can’t expect me to just come and fetch you every time you decide to be stupid and get wasted.”

Baekhyun hums. “But you always do. You’re always there when I need you the most.” A soft giggle comes under his breath again. “It’s funny, you know, how you’re everything I want in a guy and, yet, you’re everything I can’t have.”

“What are you even talking about?” Kyungsoo asks, furrowing his eyebrows in confusion. “You’ve always had me ever since we were young, Baekhyun. I’m your best friend.”

“Best friend. Right.” Baekhyun snorts against the pillow. “I don’t understand how you can be exceptionally perceptive when it comes to other people, but you’re so oblivious when it comes to my feelings.” Kyungsoo hears him let out a tired sigh. “It’s like you never even figured out that I’ve always wanted you more than that.”

Kyungsoo feels himself freeze, eyes widening in surprise. There’s a little part of him that wants to tuck Baekhyun into bed and force him to sleep so he can stop talking and, subsequently, stop Baekhyun from ruining whatever little chance Kyungsoo has of getting a few minutes of shuteye again.

But the larger, more terrifying and curious part of himself wants Baekhyun to pour everything out to him, make him say every little thing he wants to, because this might be the only chance that Kyungsoo may ever get in this lifetime. And, quite honestly, that’s what scares Kyungsoo the most.

“Have you always-” Kyungsoo gulps, trying to muster enough courage to ask the question that’s been running inside his head ever since. “Have you always felt that way towards me?”

Baekhyun softly hums again and it sounds incredibly loud in the silence of Kyungsoo’s room. He buries his face in the pillow, as if trying to get comfortable so he can finally sleep, and Kyungsoo almost misses the words that he utters next:

“I’ve been in love with you for such a long time, Soo.”

Everything around him stops as soon as he hears those words and Kyungsoo somewhat wishes he’d had a little drink tonight as well because this is definitely beyond everything he’d ever imagined before. Baekhyun, on the other hand, promptly falls asleep after that, soft snores falling from his slightly open mouth.

It’s really unfair how he had just given Baekhyun the opportunity to turn his life around with just a few spoken words but Kyungsoo supposes that’s always been one of his many weaknesses ever since. Baekhyun’s always had that much power over him.

Kyungsoo ends up not even getting a wink of sleep that same night.

To say that things have just gotten a lot weirder between them after that is such a huge understatement.

Or so that’s what Kyungsoo feels, at least. Baekhyun doesn’t seem to have any kind of recollection in regards to the things he’d just confessed that night and Kyungsoo is torn between breathing a sigh of relief and tearing his hair out of frustration because of the very same reason.

For the most part, though, they’re trying to be okay. Kyungsoo can see how Baekhyun’s trying his hardest to make up for the lost time he’d spent distancing himself away from Kyungsoo and, being his best friend, Kyungsoo does appreciate all his efforts. It’s a little hard for Kyungsoo to start acting like everything’s normal after what happened that night, however, and sometimes, he finds himself actually avoiding Baekhyun - not entirely a conscious decision on his part but, rather, it’s his default behavior when it comes to things that he doesn’t quite know how to handle.

Often, Kyungsoo catches himself wondering if confronting Baekhyun about it would be a hell of a lot easier than this.

Kyungsoo’s thankful that they’re back as friends, of course. But while it’s a good feeling to have him back as the old Baekhyun that Kyungsoo had learned to love all those years ago - maybe the greatest feeling in the world even - Kyungsoo can’t help but think about what had transpired between them that night.

Was Baekhyun telling him the truth? Or was it just the alcohol talking? Also, is he supposed to ask Baekhyun about it now? Or would keeping mum about the whole thing seem more appropriate in their situation?

“Hey. You okay?” There’s a sudden touch in his arm and Kyungsoo jerks away so hastily that it almost draws out a gasp of surprise from both Chanyeol and Jongdae. Baekhyun, on the other hand, just sits there; stunned from the rather violent reaction he got from Kyungsoo.

“I-” Kyungsoo looks at his friends and immediately recognizes the bewilderment and confusion written all over their faces. Kyungsoo would have explained himself, really, if only he wasn’t so baffled about his own actions himself. “I’m sorry, I need to go.”

He gets up from his seat and walks as far and as fast as his legs can take him. He’s been so occupied with his thoughts, with trying to silence the loud beating of his heart in his ears, that he barely hears Baekhyun calling out his name in the hallway. And then everything happens so fast, Kyungsoo doesn’t even know how in the world Baekhyun manages to pull him into an empty classroom, locking both of them inside in the process.

Before Kyungsoo knows it, he’s standing right in front of Baekhyun, unable to do anything but stay in his spot because Baekhyun’s angry stare is really more than enough to root him in place.

“What’s going on, Kyungsoo?”

Kyungsoo tries to play dumb. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t even try and fuck with me,” Baekhyun snarls. Kyungsoo almost takes a step back at that; he’s never seen Baekhyun this mad before. “You know exactly what I mean. You’ve been acting weird ever since you brought my drunk ass home that night. Did something happen? Did I say something that made you uncomfortable?”

“Nothing,” Kyungsoo says, trying to sound as convincing as he can. “Nothing happened so stop acting like something did.”

“You’re the one acting like something did! God, you’re really fucking impossible, Kyungsoo,” Baekhyun says. He starts pacing back and forth relentlessly and it takes everything in Kyungsoo to squash his natural urge to hold Baekhyun’s hand to calm him down. “You’re saying one thing and then you’re doing the exact opposite the next. I know you, Soo. You’re a very straightforward person and this isn’t like you at all.”

There’s something in Baekhyun’s response that has Kyungsoo snapping right out of his thoughts and, suddenly, all the anger and pent up frustration he had bottled inside ever since that night explodes. When he starts, Kyungsoo knows he won’t be able to stop, not when Baekhyun just asked for it this time.

“You want me to be straightforward, Baekhyun?” Kyungsoo asks. Baekhyun only answers him with a defiant stare. “You’re a dick. A fucking douchebag. The biggest asswipe I know that ever existed in my life. You go around dating and dumping other people like they’re nothing to you and then drunkenly confess to your best friend one night that you’ve always had feelings for him? Is this a fucking game to you? Do you enjoy toying with other people’s feelings that much, Baekhyun?”

Baekhyun only stares at him, wide-eyed, obviously unprepared for the lengthy rant that Kyungsoo has just thrown at him. He’s not one for messy confrontations like this but Kyungsoo knows this one is pretty inevitable if he wants to clear things up with Baekhyun in the near future.

“Kyungsoo-when…”

Kyungsoo doesn’t know if he should take the bewilderment on Baekhyun’s face a sure sign that he was, indeed, telling the truth that night. But one thing’s for certain: Kyungsoo realizes he can’t stand here and stare at Baekhyun even a second longer, not when every millisecond that ticks by just makes him want to do the exact opposite.

“You think you know me, Baekhyun, but I know you better,” Kyungsoo forces himself to say, voice unwavering, “and I’m not going to fall for one of your cheap tricks this time.”

If Kyungsoo’s to be honest with himself, there had been a time in his life where he felt utterly contented over the mere idea of just having Baekhyun by his side.

It was before they even both stepped into high school. They’ve been friends long enough for Kyungsoo to figure out that there was practically nothing he could do to get rid of Baekhyun. He was like a stain that you couldn’t remove even if you tried and washed it out for a hundred times. But that’s okay; even at such a young age, Kyungsoo already quite liked the thought of Baekhyun being a permanent fixture in his life.

It was around the same time that Kyungsoo knew he was harboring feelings for Baekhyun. It wasn’t actually the kind of big, monumental event that the adults usually talk about when it came to finding out about love. For Kyungsoo, it was a slow but steady process of getting to know Baekhyun, of letting him win Kyungsoo’s trust and affections, of allowing him to fix a definite spot in Kyungsoo’s life, and then realizing in the end that if there was someone who Kyungsoo could entrust his whole life and heart to, it was definitely none other than Baekhyun.

Kyungsoo never said anything about it, though. He was much too young back then to really entertain the idea of being in a romantic relationship with another person, much less with his best friend. It also didn’t help the fact that Baekhyun had started dating other people in high school and while it broke Kyungsoo’s heart every time he would see another girl or boy hanging off of Baekhyun’s arm, it still brought Kyungsoo a kind of hidden satisfaction that Baekhyun would always, always come back to him at the end of the day.

Ever since then, Kyungsoo had long since accepted the reality that he would always be just Baekhyun’s best friend. Nothing more, nothing less.

Which is quite the exact opposite of his situation now, really. To have Baekhyun suddenly tell Kyungsoo that he’s been in love with him for such a long time is definitely a huge surprise, especially when he’d spent the majority of his life thinking that he’ll never be anything but a friend in Baekhyun’s eyes.

“What do you plan to do now?” Joonmyun asks, tearing Kyungsoo away from his thoughts. Kyungsoo figured it would be best for Joonmyun to know what exactly happened between him and Baekhyun. It’s a little awkward, telling your boyfriend that your best friend has feelings for you, but Kyungsoo never saw the need to hide anything from Joonmyun before and, well, he isn’t going to start now.

“I don’t know,” Kyungsoo says helplessly. “I really don’t know, Joonmyun.”

It’s a little quiet after that, save for the soft hum of the ac in Joonmyun’s apartment. It’s one of the many reasons why Kyungsoo has always liked staying here (well, aside from Joonmyun himself, of course): it’s peaceful and being with Baekhyun’s loud company all the time has Kyungsoo craving for a place where he can just have space and time to think without any kind of distractions.

“Maybe we should take a break,” Joonmyun gently suggests, his words cutting through the silence of the room.

Kyungsoo looks at him in disbelief. “What?”

“Maybe a few days of being away from each other would help you think more clearly,” Joonmyun explains. Kyungsoo’s just about to open his mouth to disagree when Joonmyun continues, “don’t get me wrong; we’re not…completely breaking up. I just want to give you space so you can decide on what you should do. I want to stay by your side, believe me, but I don’t want to hold you back from whatever decision you’ll have to make either.”

Despite how ridiculous it sounds, Kyungsoo understands where Joonmyun is coming from. Sometimes, it’s hard to be with someone as selfless as Joonmyun, but Kyungsoo can’t even imagine how infinitely harder it is for Joonmyun to do something like this just for his sake.

Joonmyun really deserves someone better, someone who wouldn’t allow something like this to tear them apart. Kyungsoo badly wants to be that person, but he isn’t even sure if he’s worthy enough of Joonmyun’s affections anymore.

“Hey.” Joonmyun’s slender finger lifts his chin, forcing Kyungsoo to meet his steady stare. Kyungsoo can see the sadness in his eyes and he hates the fact that he can’t possibly do anything to take that away. “You need to talk this out with him, Soo. I can see how important Baekhyun is to you, and this is the only way so you won’t lose him entirely. Once you two have sorted this out and you still want to be with me, I’ll be here. I’ll just be here waiting for you.”

Kyungsoo’s choked up with too many emotions that he can’t really get himself to say anything. Joonmyun, however, doesn’t seem like he’s actually expecting Kyungsoo to say anything. He just brings Kyungsoo close and tucks his head under his chin, holding him tight like it’s going to be their last time together. Kyungsoo forces himself to stop thinking about it like that.

“Do what you think is best, Kyungsoo. I know you’ll do the right thing.”

Kyungsoo prides himself for having such patience and self-restraint not to punch Baekhyun right in the face when they meet two weeks later.

Of course, it probably has something to do with the fact that they’re in public - at the playground where he and Baekhyun had first met all those years ago - more than anything else but Kyungsoo still considers this a rather big achievement, especially after all the frustration and confusion Baekhyun had put him through. Baekhyun’s pretty lucky he’s not getting a single scratch from Kyungsoo, quite honestly.

When he arrives, Baekhyun’s already there, sitting on one of the swings. He’s idly rocking himself back and forth, seemingly lost in his own world; head bowed down and nose deep into the scarf he’s wearing. Kyungsoo doesn’t do anything to get his attention, however. Instead, he occupies the empty swing next to Baekhyun and just revels in the silence drifting between them.

It takes a few seconds before Baekhyun actually realizes that he has company and when he turns his head to the right and sees Kyungsoo sitting on the nearby swing, he almost has to pinch himself to make sure he’s not just imagining Kyungsoo’s presence within his reach. Kyungsoo just looks at him, though, and this has Baekhyun cautiously throwing a small smile in his direction.

“Hey,” Baekhyun croaks. From this close, Kyungsoo can see the exhaustion written all over his face and he wonders, for the briefest second, if Baekhyun’s been getting enough rest - or if he’s even sleeping at all - for the past few days. “I hope I didn’t mess with any of your plans when I suddenly called you to meet me. I really should’ve asked you first if you were doing anything but-”

Kyungsoo shakes his head to stop Baekhyun from his rambling. “It’s fine. I wasn’t doing anything important, anyway.” And then, with a little hesitation, Kyungsoo finds himself asking, “how have you been?”

Baekhyun looks at him in shock, like he can’t actually believe that Kyungsoo’s still concerned for his well-being even after what happened between them. To be fair, Kyungsoo feels the same - he’s a little surprised with himself as well, but he has always been a worrier when it comes to Baekhyun. And, now more than ever, Kyungsoo realizes that any ill feelings he might be harboring for his best friend won’t be able to change that about him.

“Terrible,” Baekhyun eventually admits. He follows it up with a depreciating laugh and it sounds a little hollow in Kyungsoo’s ears. “I’ve been thinking about all the things that I want to tell you, all the things that I want to apologize for, but I don’t really know where to start.”

“You can start from the very beginning,” Kyungsoo says. “I don’t have anywhere else I need to be today so I’ve got time to listen.”

This has Baekhyun closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, just like how he usually does whenever he’s trying to piece his thoughts together. Kyungsoo wonders if he’d made the right decision to relieve everything that happened that night all over again. He may look like he’s ready for anything that Baekhyun might tell him but, in reality, Kyungsoo’s not entirely sure if he can really handle the truth right now.

“When you found me piss drunk that night,” Baekhyun starts, “it was the same night that Kris ended things between us. It was a petty reason to drown myself in soju, sure, but I wanted to forget everything that happened then, and it was the only way I knew how.”

“You liked the guy that much?”

“Well, Kris was a great guy. He’s ridiculous and funny and indulges me too much with everything, but…” Baekhyun pauses and Kyungsoo can hear his heart thumping loudly against his ribcage in the silence that follows. “But he wasn’t you. And he knows that. I don’t know how he figured it out but he knew I was in love with someone else.

“So he broke up with me and told me to stop lying to myself. To stop looking for someone else when I already know the only person who I want to be with,” Baekhyun finishes.

“But what about all those people you dated before? You can’t honestly tell me you’ve never had any real feelings for any of them?”

“I was trying to find you in them, Kyungsoo. I was trying so hard to find someone like you, but no one even came close. When you said I date and dump other people like they’re nothing to me-well, I guess that’s true in a way,” Baekhyun admits, shrugging. “Because they’re all nothing compared to you. I’ve been in love with you even before high school, Soo. I can’t exactly tell you when I started having these feelings for you but I do know that they never changed. Never. I’m still as in love with you as I was before.”

Kyungsoo’s never heard Baekhyun mention the word love with any of his past relationships before so this admission definitely took him by surprise. This scene just strangely feels like something straight out from his dream and Kyungsoo is tempted to pinch himself to find out whether all of this is really happening for real.

“And you might think I’m just playing with you-”

“Aren’t you?” Kyungsoo finds himself rudely saying.

Baekhyun gives him the stink eye in return. “I’m not. I may be an asshole in your eyes right now - or in everyone’s eyes, whatever - but I never plan on fooling around with you. You’re too important for me to do that, Kyungsoo.”

Kyungsoo can hear and understand Baekhyun just fine but he finds that he can barely catch on with his thoughts, with his feelings. Everything’s happening too fast, Kyungsoo fleetingly wonders if there’s a pause button somewhere so he can just take everything in and breathe.

“Why didn’t you tell me all of these before?” Kyungsoo asks.

“We already had a great thing going between us, Kyungsoo. My friendship with you means more to me than anything else and I’m not stupid enough to just throw that away just because I want us to have something more than that.” Baekhyun takes a mouthful of air and releases it in one go. He suddenly looks so, so tired and vulnerable and Kyungsoo feels that familiar urge to hold him close. “I may be a coward for not admitting my real feelings for you but I would gladly do that all over again if it means I won’t lose you in the end, Soo.”

Kyungsoo thinks it’s unfair, how Baekhyun can just say all of these things in one go and expect him to accept everything just like that. How Baekhyun can express his feelings with such well-placed words and still make Kyungsoo feel so helpless and clueless with what he should do. How Baekhyun can turn his life upside down as easily as that.

But Baekhyun has always had his heart from the very beginning, and Kyungsoo thinks that’s just the most unfair of all.

“You are such an asshat, Byun Baekhyun.”

“Okay, I think we’ve already established that fact, Kyungsoo, but-”

“Shut up,” Kyungsoo cuts in. “You’re a real jackass. A dickbag. An insufferable person-”

“Kyung-”

“And I don’t really know what the fuck is wrong with me because I’m in love with an asshole like you.”

“Aren’t you being too ru-Wait. What?” Baekhyun looks at him with wide eyes and Kyungsoo tries to keep his poker face on even though it’s getting a little hard to stop the smile from tugging the corner of his lips. “Can you-can you say that again?”

Kyungsoo lets out an exaggerated sigh before repeating, “I’m in love with an asshole named Byun Baekhyun. Are you happy now?”

“I would be if I wasn’t so confused right now,” Baekhyun says, his eyebrows almost knitted together. “What about you and Joonmyun? Aren’t you guys still together? I mean, last time I checked, Jongdae told me you’ve been frequenting his place a lot.”

Kyungsoo can’t help but snort at the obvious hint of jealousy in Baekhyun’s voice. “We’re not even officially together yet, but you’re already jealous?” Baekhyun just gurgles in embarrassment. “But, no, we’re not dating anymore. We took a break for a little while but Joonmyun thought it would be better if we just stay as friends in the end. You and Kris?”

“We’re friends. We still get to talk a few times a week and he sometimes acts like my dating counselor or something. He’s really ridiculous.”

“Should I get worried that you’re getting all chummy with your dating counselor then?”

Baekhyun chuckles, loud and genuine this time, and Kyungsoo realizes how much he’d missed hearing Baekhyun’s laughter. “Not really. But I’m sure he’ll be glad to meet you. As my boyfriend.”

Kyungsoo just looks at him. “Who says I’m your boyfriend?”

(He’s trying to keep the innocent expression on his face but, goddamnit, just the word boyfriend already makes him feel giddy like a school girl with a puppy crush. He can even feel the ends of his traitorous lips curving upwards.)

“Yah!” Baekhyun screams, indignant. “Quit playing games with my heart, Do Kyungsoo!”

twelfth and - quite possibly - his last.

“What are you going to do with those candles?” Kyungsoo asks. He’s trying not to sound too amused but it’s pretty difficult to stop the snort from spilling out of his lips when his boyfriend’s right there in his room, planting candles everywhere in every tiny space that he can reach. “Are you actually trying to burn down our house?”

“Don’t be stupid, Soo. I’m trying to be romantic,” Baekhyun scoffs. He places the last candle on top of Kyungsoo’s bedside table and proceeds to make a little fist pump in the air. Damn, that took him at least fifteen minutes.

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes and stops Baekhyun before he can even bring out the lighter from his pants pocket. He pushes Baekhyun onto his bed, hands firm against his shoulders as Kyungsoo presses him there against the mattress. “You’re so ridiculous.”

“I know,” Baekhyun answers, matter-of-fact. “You’ve told me that a million times before.”

“Then you should’ve realized that it’s going to take you at least fifteen more minutes to light all of those up. Don’t you want to do something else with that amount of time?” Kyungsoo boldly asks. He’s not even trying to be subtle with what he wants this time, if the position of his ass right against Baekhyun’s crotch is anything to go by.

Kyungsoo kisses him then, efficiently swallowing the response Baekhyun has on the tip of his tongue. He doesn’t really need to hear Baekhyun’s answer, anyway. Kyungsoo’s pretty determined to get what he wants tonight, even if that means using every single method of persuasion that he knows (And for Kyungsoo, that’s only two options: violence or sex).

“Are you still thinking about the candles?” Kyungsoo asks, warm breath fanning across Baekhyun’s mouth.

“Not really.” He leans forward and drops a quick peck on Kyungsoo’s upturned lips. “Honestly, all I’m thinking about right now is how I can get you naked in five seconds flat.”

“Hmm. Would you like to find out the answer to that, then?”

Baekhyun only smirks and responds by flipping them over, hands on either side of Kyungsoo’s head and legs placed on either side of his body, effectively caging him in. Kyungsoo lets himself relax a little and reaches up to pull Baekhyun down until they’re close, and closer still, skin pressing against skin in some places. Baekhyun proceeds to strip Kyungsoo of his shirt and starts leaving a trail of open-mouthed kiss from the curve of his shoulder, down to his chest, tongue briefly laving on a nipple before it finally gives just as enough attention to the other one.

Baekhyun, unfortunately, doesn’t manage to undress Kyungsoo in five seconds flat because he’s gotten a little distracted with the way Kyungsoo rolls his hips against his, with the way Kyungsoo moans low and needy in his ear every time Baekhyun grinds down to meet Kyungsoo’s thrusts halfway.

“Baekhyun,” Kyungsoo gasps when Baekhyun grasps their erections together. The delicious friction of skin against skin is enough to have his eyelids fluttering shut, his head canting back in pleasure. Kyungsoo feels every nerve of his body sing, every light touch and calculated stroke sending his senses into overdrive. For a passing second, Kyungsoo can’t help but think nothing’s going to feel just as wonderful and intense as this.

When Kyungsoo suddenly feels Baekhyun tonguing the underside of his cock, however, tracing the vein there before eventually giving kittenish licks on its head, Kyungsoo’s just about ready to take that statement back.

“So good, Baek,” Kyungsoo moans, his fingers gently carding through Baekhyun’s hair as he starts to bob up and down on Kyungsoo’s dick. With the kind of practice he’s been getting from doing this with Kyungsoo time and time again, Baekhyun eventually figured out a little technique of his own to get him off in the shortest time possible and it’s increasingly getting harder for Kyungsoo to stop himself from giving in to his orgasm too fast, too soon. “God, you suck like a pro now.”

Baekhyun just looks up at him, Kyungsoo’s dick still in between his saliva-slicked lips, and gives him the finger as a response. Kyungsoo chokes back a laugh. His casual remark was supposed to sound encouraging, a little compliment on Baekhyun’s improving sucking skills, and Kyungsoo didn’t really mean for it to come off as anything but. Kyungsoo pats his head in silent apology while subtly pushing Baekhyun down so he can get more of Kyungsoo’s cock into his mouth.

Kyungsoo catches Baekhyun looking back up at him, flushed through his cheeks and across the bridge of his nose, eyes burning with desire. That hungry gaze has Kyungsoo quickly pulling Baekhyun up so he can kiss him square on the lips, exploring every nick and cranny of his mouth so Kyungsoo can taste himself a little on his tongue.

And then he continues pulling Baekhyun up, up, up, until Baekhyun’s eventually grasping onto the headboard, his hard cock placed well enough for Kyungsoo to just lean slightly forward and take him into his mouth. The sound Baekhyun makes as soon as Kyungsoo closes his lips over his cock is all kinds of pretty, his teeth digging into his lower lip, and Kyungsoo briefly thinks he could probably get off on the sounds Baekhyun makes alone.

It doesn’t take long before Baekhyun’s setting his own pace, fucking himself right into Kyungsoo’s mouth with quick, shallow thrusts. Sometimes, he ends up getting a little carried away, plunging himself so deep into Kyungsoo’s mouth that Kyungsoo almost gags when Baekhyun’s cock hits the back of his throat. He can tell Baekhyun enjoys those little moments, however, enjoys hearing Kyungsoo loudly choke on his dick, so Kyungsoo just lets him have his fun this time around.

Kyungsoo eventually releases his cock with a loud pop, and Baekhyun starts crawling his way down Kyungsoo’s body until they’re stretched out, skin to skin. Baekhyun keeps pulling Kyungsoo closer and closer, hugging their chests together, tucking his face against the curve of Kyungsoo’s neck. As soon as Kyungsoo braces over him, Baekhyun immediately burrows into Kyungsoo, seeking to fit their bodies together.

Baekhyun whispers against his skin, nearly voiceless yet full of underlying need, “Soo.”

It’s not much, just the simple utterance of his name, but Kyungsoo understands it all the same. Baekhyun is utterly relaxed and welcoming - the complete opposite of what he’d been when they’d first done it - and it doesn’t take Kyungsoo long to ready him. Their mouths slide over each other in an easy dance, slow and undemanding, rubbing soft and slow back and forth. Baekhyun’s chest heaves as he breathes in, his hands clutching onto Kyungsoo hard like a lifeline.

They’ve only been fucking for a few months now - they’re well on their way to their fifth month of being together - but Kyungsoo’s been acquainted with Baekhyun’s body long enough to know that when he wraps Baekhyun’s legs around his waist and slowly pushes forward into him, a pleased exhale immediately tumbling out from Baekhyun’s mouth, Kyungsoo’s doing something right.

Baekhyun half-hums, half-groans, his fingers curling tightly around Kyungsoo’s arm. “Kyungsoo.”

“I’m here,” Kyungsoo breathes out, letting his other unoccupied hand hold Baekhyun’s own so he can interlace their fingers together.

Kyungsoo presses Baekhyun back against the mattress, holds him there and fucks him in slow, deep heart-pounding thrusts. Kyungsoo spends his time re-memorizing Baekhyun’s body, every little dip and hollow, every inch of him, every scar, every birthmark, every freckle. Being together for more than half of their lives - as friends and then as lovers - has given Kyungsoo the greatest opportunity to know Baekhyun through and through. But, it doesn’t stop Kyungsoo from discovering new, little things from Baekhyun everyday and Kyungsoo fleetingly thinks how lucky he is to be in a relationship like this.

In the end, it’s Baekhyun who loses it first. A breathy whisper of “come for me, Baekhyun” right against the shell of his ear has Baekhyun losing it entirely, orgasm slamming into him, through him, every single one of his nerves becoming alight as Kyungsoo continues to drive his cock in and out of his ass.

Kyungsoo’s arms are shaking as he moves, as he holds up his weight while he desperately tries to chase his own orgasm. There's a heat building at the base of Kyungsoo’s spine and a familiar lightheadedness behind his eyes and Kyungsoo knows it won’t be long for him, too. With a purpose, Kyungsoo holds onto Baekhyun’s hips and plunges into him, hard and fast, over and over and over again. Until he’s stifling a cry as he comes in a gasping rush, pressing Baekhyun's name in gasped syllables into Baekhyun’s heated skin.

They lay together for a long time, letting their pulses return to normal and their breathing to slow down. It only takes a few moments, however, before Baekhyun is ruining the silence with a whine, “Guh. I feel so sticky.”

Kyungsoo laughs. “Sorry about that.”

Baekhyun makes an incoherent noise and shakes his head, shifting closer to Kyungsoo. They're both covered in sweat and other fluids and Kyungsoo knows he will need to change the sheets before his parents arrive from their trip tomorrow, but for now, it doesn't really seem all that bad.

“Do you remember what I’ve told you at the beginning of the year, Soo?” Kyungsoo sleepily hums in response. He’s trying to keep his eyes open because Baekhyun gets extra grumpy when he suddenly falls asleep in the middle of their conversation. But, really, it’s not his fault he gets very sleepy after a round of sex. “Hey. Hey-I think I’ve actually done the craziest thing I can possibly think of doing this year.”

“Hmm? What is it?” Kyungsoo mumbles against his shoulder. Baekhyun shifts in his position so that they’re facing each other and Kyungsoo has to try and blink his eyes a couple of times to assure Baekhyun that’s he still (trying to be) wide awake.

“I had sex with my best friend and boyfriend. Isn’t that crazy enough?” Baekhyun asks. And even without Kyungsoo actually opening his eyes, he knows there’s a blinding smile pasted on Baekhyun’s face right now - Kyungsoo can almost hear it in his voice. He doesn’t answer; just smiles and holds Baekhyun even tighter, closer to him.

Yes. Yes, it is. And Kyungsoo can’t wait to do even crazier things next year with Baekhyun by his side.

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