darkest days I've known yet......
I have no real way to start this off so I'll just begin from when things started going downhill. Saturday I got home from Joe's house around 3:10 because my mom was a little late picking me up. She had told me to be home at 2:30-3:00 and she was picking me up but anyway. I ate lunch and was told my house was going to be shown. For those who dont know I'm going to be moving. I was then told I had to do some things around the house to get it ready. Well I got done with lunch and I was just going outside to start to work and my dad pulls up and starts yelling at me because I hadnt been working earlier. Well this got me in a bad mood right off the bat and I told him I had just got home not that long ago and he bitched about me being late which I had no control over but he was determined to blame me. Well I got all the work done and I was telling my mom about what my dad told me and she got pissed and they got into an argument and then he comes in to talk to me and my sis. Well he called it a discussion but it was more like bitch time. He started yelling and then my mom would start to yell and then he would talk normally and say "there's no need to yell nobody else is yelling". Then he got onto me AGAIN about not being home on time and my mom told him I had no control over it and I told him that but once again he had his mind set it was me who made my mom late or I dont know what he was thinking but I was getting pissed. Then he asked for my opinion on the matter and I was telling him and then he accused me of back talking when I was telling him how I felt. Well we left and got back and I called Scottie and then she calmed me down and I'm glad she did and I want to thank her for that. I can truly say that that night was when all bonds to remain friends and all masks of happiness were broken and now hate is between everyone in the family.
Monday.....hurt me more than Sunday. I was talking to Scottie and she told me to read her latest update and I read it and the only thing I got from it was that I wasnt making her happy and she just wanted to leave and not say good-bye. We talked about it and we settled it but things didnt seem to fall back into the order that it was before. Well I was going to go to Jigs and then I was told to do other crap around the house. I was talking to Scottie about her entry and then my sis started getting pissed off at me and I didnt get a good nights sleep that night so I was tired, being yelled at, and in a (personally) depressing talk with my girlfriend so I got pissed along with being sad. So then when I got done with my chours and talking to Scottie I left my house as quick as I could. I got to Jigs and messed around and then called Scottie to say I was sorry for what we talked about before and I could tell in her voice that she had something on her mind. Well that worried me but I didnt have time to bring it up because she had to go.Well then Joe came over and we messed around some more and talked and played games and the usual and I just wanted to call Scottie again just to tell her that I loved her. Well when I called her that tone in her voice hadnt gone away so I brought it up. It took a few times before she brought it to the surface.......and God only knows how mad at myself that I drug it out of her. When I got off the phone my pillar of comfort, peace, and completeness that got me through day after day.The one thing that sheltered me from the pain and suffering of my life layed in ruin. I felt my happiness.........I felt my soul leave me. I cried more today than I have cried in years...... I felt the cold wrap its fingers around my heart and drag into the dungeon I call life. Some might think that this is for the better.....but you are blind to the feelings I have.......or had.... I just wish my body was like my heart right now.........for then I would feel no pain
Monday.....hurt me more than Sunday. I was talking to Scottie and she told me to read her latest update and I read it and the only thing I got from it was that I wasnt making her happy and she just wanted to leave and not say good-bye. We talked about it and we settled it but things didnt seem to fall back into the order that it was before. Well I was going to go to Jigs and then I was told to do other crap around the house. I was talking to Scottie about her entry and then my sis started getting pissed off at me and I didnt get a good nights sleep that night so I was tired, being yelled at, and in a (personally) depressing talk with my girlfriend so I got pissed along with being sad. So then when I got done with my chours and talking to Scottie I left my house as quick as I could. I got to Jigs and messed around and then called Scottie to say I was sorry for what we talked about before and I could tell in her voice that she had something on her mind. Well that worried me but I didnt have time to bring it up because she had to go.Well then Joe came over and we messed around some more and talked and played games and the usual and I just wanted to call Scottie again just to tell her that I loved her. Well when I called her that tone in her voice hadnt gone away so I brought it up. It took a few times before she brought it to the surface.......and God only knows how mad at myself that I drug it out of her. When I got off the phone my pillar of comfort, peace, and completeness that got me through day after day.The one thing that sheltered me from the pain and suffering of my life layed in ruin. I felt my happiness.........I felt my soul leave me. I cried more today than I have cried in years...... I felt the cold wrap its fingers around my heart and drag into the dungeon I call life. Some might think that this is for the better.....but you are blind to the feelings I have.......or had.... I just wish my body was like my heart right now.........for then I would feel no pain