Dawn Of A New Era
Dear Gay Brothers and Sisters -
I thought I would share my recent coming-out-to-my-parents
experience. It has a happy ending (or perhaps a new
beginning).
I have been out to myself and to friends for 3 years. Most of
the reasons I chose to come out to my parents are evident in
the letter below. (The actual letter is handwritten.) I also
realized that by telling one's parents, one only risks losing
them; by not telling them, one loses them anyway, but for
certain.
The reason for sending a letter was because they are 3000 miles
away in New York and because I don't think I could have handled
the dynamics of telling them either on the phone or in person.
A letter allowed me to word things carefully and say everything
I wanted to say without the possibility of the conversation
being derailed by outbursts or questions.
Here is the letter:
Dear Mom & Dad -
I want to share something about my life that is important because I love
you. I am gay. I have only known this about myself since I was 15. In
the years that have passed since then, keeping this a secret from you
has become more and more of a burden. It has also placed an invisible
wall between us in that I can not share with you much of what goes on in
my life, something that straight children take for granted. I could not
share the excitement of dating somebody new nor the pain when things
didn't work out. I have spent many nights crying with a broken heart,
alone, unable to call you for support.
I know that you may be feeling shocked, confused, angry, and sad; and
perhaps you might feel that, somewhere along the way, you have failed as
parents. From what I have read, these are common reactions. You have
not failed as parents; you have both been wonderful. Nobody chooses to
be gay and I accept myself and am happy with who I am. My friends have
known for some time and they accept me as well. I hope that you will be
happy for me.
Part of me thinks that you might have suspected for some time that I am
gay since I never brought home girls while in school and I never talk
about dating or women now. On the other hand, my being gay may have
come as a complete surprise to you and you may need to take some time to
get used to the idea. Hopefully, a few years from now, our relationship
will be closer than it has been in the past. This is part of the reason
I am coming out to you: to tear down the wall between us. When we speak
on the phone and you ask me what is going on in my life and I say,
"Nothing," I have been lying. I haven't been lying to deceive you, but
because I could not tell you the truth. This lying has been eating at
me for some time now and I'm tired of it. So this was the choice I had
to make: either keep lying and allow us to grow even farther apart from
each other, or tell the truth and hopefully have a better relationship
in the long run.
Yeah, I think it's something I just had to do.
Sincerely,
Aaron (Strawberry Champagne) R.
I thought I would share my recent coming-out-to-my-parents
experience. It has a happy ending (or perhaps a new
beginning).
I have been out to myself and to friends for 3 years. Most of
the reasons I chose to come out to my parents are evident in
the letter below. (The actual letter is handwritten.) I also
realized that by telling one's parents, one only risks losing
them; by not telling them, one loses them anyway, but for
certain.
The reason for sending a letter was because they are 3000 miles
away in New York and because I don't think I could have handled
the dynamics of telling them either on the phone or in person.
A letter allowed me to word things carefully and say everything
I wanted to say without the possibility of the conversation
being derailed by outbursts or questions.
Here is the letter:
Dear Mom & Dad -
I want to share something about my life that is important because I love
you. I am gay. I have only known this about myself since I was 15. In
the years that have passed since then, keeping this a secret from you
has become more and more of a burden. It has also placed an invisible
wall between us in that I can not share with you much of what goes on in
my life, something that straight children take for granted. I could not
share the excitement of dating somebody new nor the pain when things
didn't work out. I have spent many nights crying with a broken heart,
alone, unable to call you for support.
I know that you may be feeling shocked, confused, angry, and sad; and
perhaps you might feel that, somewhere along the way, you have failed as
parents. From what I have read, these are common reactions. You have
not failed as parents; you have both been wonderful. Nobody chooses to
be gay and I accept myself and am happy with who I am. My friends have
known for some time and they accept me as well. I hope that you will be
happy for me.
Part of me thinks that you might have suspected for some time that I am
gay since I never brought home girls while in school and I never talk
about dating or women now. On the other hand, my being gay may have
come as a complete surprise to you and you may need to take some time to
get used to the idea. Hopefully, a few years from now, our relationship
will be closer than it has been in the past. This is part of the reason
I am coming out to you: to tear down the wall between us. When we speak
on the phone and you ask me what is going on in my life and I say,
"Nothing," I have been lying. I haven't been lying to deceive you, but
because I could not tell you the truth. This lying has been eating at
me for some time now and I'm tired of it. So this was the choice I had
to make: either keep lying and allow us to grow even farther apart from
each other, or tell the truth and hopefully have a better relationship
in the long run.
Yeah, I think it's something I just had to do.
Sincerely,
Aaron (Strawberry Champagne) R.