(no subject)
Okay, I've come to the realization that I will never be 100% over Kevin, like once said in a Mandy Moore movie "Your first love is never really over," and I admit it right now, I WAS in love with him, I tried to deny it after we broke up because I was so hurt that he could move on so fast and tell someone else he loved them. But that's stupid of me. His life now shouldn't change what i felt for him them. so that's fine.
with that said...
I rebounded for a while. Hooking up with guys that I couldn't remember their names the next day. I'm done with that.
Then I dated Adrian for 2 weeks...I'm done with that.
and now I guess I'm "seeing" Matt, the whole termonology still confuses me...what is it..first "Seeing" then "Dating" then "going out/bf gf status"? Who knows. In any case, all I know is he's the first guy that now BOTH times we've hung out, we've done basically nothing, but it feels like everything. I've dated really smart guys, I've dated really hot guys, and I'm sure there were some in between in there..somewhere, but it's different with him. today we just basically sat in some historic park for like 3 hours and just talked. and we had so much to talk about, and it was just the most random stuff ever, but it was just so great.
so why am i so afraid to even THINK about this going to the next level? it's either A. ) I'm afraid I'll hurt him b/c I'm secretly still jaded or B.) I'm afraid of myself that I may be falling for someone so fast?
Yeah I have no idea.
I just know I don't want to hurt him, and I know he won't hurt me. Maybe that's what scares me...that I know he won't hurt me, but that I know I have the power to hurt him.
I just need to ignore all of this, and let it be great..like it has been.
I have the butterflies again, and the random silly grins, and i look forward to someone's company again.
and i love that.
with that said...
I rebounded for a while. Hooking up with guys that I couldn't remember their names the next day. I'm done with that.
Then I dated Adrian for 2 weeks...I'm done with that.
and now I guess I'm "seeing" Matt, the whole termonology still confuses me...what is it..first "Seeing" then "Dating" then "going out/bf gf status"? Who knows. In any case, all I know is he's the first guy that now BOTH times we've hung out, we've done basically nothing, but it feels like everything. I've dated really smart guys, I've dated really hot guys, and I'm sure there were some in between in there..somewhere, but it's different with him. today we just basically sat in some historic park for like 3 hours and just talked. and we had so much to talk about, and it was just the most random stuff ever, but it was just so great.
so why am i so afraid to even THINK about this going to the next level? it's either A. ) I'm afraid I'll hurt him b/c I'm secretly still jaded or B.) I'm afraid of myself that I may be falling for someone so fast?
Yeah I have no idea.
I just know I don't want to hurt him, and I know he won't hurt me. Maybe that's what scares me...that I know he won't hurt me, but that I know I have the power to hurt him.
I just need to ignore all of this, and let it be great..like it has been.
I have the butterflies again, and the random silly grins, and i look forward to someone's company again.
and i love that.