beauty queen of only 18, she has some troubles with herself
Well, it's Ty's 17th birthday. I haven't seen or talked to him all day. I texted him at like midnight lastnight and said happy birthday, but that didn't go over too well. He just ended up getting upset with me and said he didn't want to talk to me because I was going to fuck up his birthday. Yeah, pretty self explanatory of why I have felt sick to my stomach all day. =/
I still have no voice...People call me and I try to answer my phone and I just lose it, and end up handing the phone to someone else to talk. Ha. It's splendid. ;) It's so frustrating when you're trying to tell someone a story or something and in the middle of it, you just lose your voice. Quite frankly, it sucks.
My dad and I got in a huge fight tonight. It's always over stupid ass stuff. He walked in, drunk, as usual, he had been at the bar since noon. He came home around 6:30 or so...Anyway, Drew, Colette, and I were watching Twister - - one of my favorite movies - - and he walks in, and immediately changes the channel to the fucking Jets/Chargers game. He doesn't even like those teams, so I don't know what was so important. I said "we're watching a movie," and he says "you don't pay the fucking rent, I do, so shut your mouth" and I stood up and said "fuck that you're a fucking asshole" and I walked out. He mumbled, "I may be an asshole but I pay the bills around here, and you don't do shit.." That set me off. I have been so emotional lately and I don't know why, but I am in fact, the only one of us girls that does anything around here. I clean, I cook, I do so much, and I get no credit for it. He favors my 19 year old sister, whom is jobless, has a baby, and lives at home, hasn't graduated high school, doesn't do shit except mooch off my parents. I love Jess to death, but don't criticize me and not her? Ya know? So...I go in the bathroom ( I had to pee) but I had to go in my parent's bathroom because Colette was in the main one. I went in there, locked the door, did my duty, and then I just broke down. I sat on the floor like a helpless child, in front of the door, and cried, and cried, and cried. After about 15 minutes, my mom came and tried to talk to me. I told her to just go away because I didn't want to blow up at her for my fuck-up of a father's mistake. She kept budging and finally I said "fuck dad, I hate him. I fucking hate him mom. You don't get it. He's a fucking jerk. I don't want to talk to you or anyone else." Now you have to remember, Drew and Colette are here, so I'm quite embarrassed of mine, and my dad's behavior. Finally, she went away. I cried for another 10 minutes, and my dad comes in and fucking breaks the door knob because he was kicking the door. He tried to open it, I was leaning against it with my feet against the wall trying to hold it shut. I'm deathly afraid of him when he's intoxicated. He gets crazy and it scares the shit out of me. Anyway, he gets in there finally, smashes me between the wall and the door, and I said "Please get out of here I don't want to talk to you right now, I don't even want to look at you. I came in here to avoid the confrontation so please go away." He says, "I have to fucking piss, this is my fucking bathroom, in my fucking bedroom, where you don't fucking belong, you little bitch. Don't fucking disrespect me!" and he kicked me in the ribs. I flipped out, I got up off the ground, I was shaking and bawling my eyes out. I grabbed my cigarettes (which i haven't been smoking for 3 days, due to being sick, I figured it's a good time to quit), a lighter, a glass of water, and I took off. My mom comes outside "Linds, please don't do this. Come back, please don't leave, you are sick, you don't have shoes on, you're not in warm clothes, where are you going to go? Your phone is almost dead, please please. I will take you somewhere and we can talk, please don't go!" I was just so fucking mad, I turned around and looked at her and said "Fuck this. I hate him. He's not my father, he is just some guy that got you pregnant and you're fucking married to him. He isn't "dad," he is Mike. I fucking hate him. I don't know where I'm going, I don't want shoes, I dont' give a fuck. I'm getting out of here and I'm most likely not coming back tonight. I hope I fucking get so sick I have to go to the hospital, maybe I'll even fucking die." I didn't even realize what I was saying, or the fact that I was screaming at my innocent mom, for something she didn't even do. I do that alot when I'm angry. Anyway, I took off. I was running, with no shoes, a pair of jeans and a slutty ass shirt on. My fuckin boobs were popping out of my shirt because I was running. Ha. I knew Colette was gonna come after me, I just knew my mom would tell her to. So, I'm walking down 64th Street, and What do you know, there's colette, she floors it a little past me, turns her car off, gets out and starts running over to me. I'm still crying, and she just starts walking with me. She didn't try to beg me to get in the car or anything, which is good cause that just pisses me off. When I need my space, let me have it. She handled it well, I didn't say anything for like 2 minutes, I just smoked my cigarette and walked. She walked by my side and all she said was "are you okay? i'm so sorry." I told her it was alright and it's not her fault. She asked if I wanted to go for a car ride (she knows that'll get me happy, especially if I have music, which is my life). I agreed, but I said "Where are we going? I am not going home." She said I don't know, so we just drove around for like 30 minutes. We got to Ellsworth and McKellips, and decided we were gonna go to the lake. She's such a sweetheart, she told me she needed cigarettes, so we went to the gas station at Ellsworth and Brown, and she comes out with a pack of cigarettes for me, an almond joy(myfavorite), and a bottle of water(my2ndfavorite). That made me smile, and then I put Ashlee Simpson in, so I was smiling by then, yet I was still crying. She took good care of me. We went to the lake, sat on the dock and talked for about an hour. It calmed me down alot and I don't know what I'd do without her. I love you Coletty. Thanks baby! Anyway, she brought me home at like 9:15 and I didn't really want to come in. I was starving, I hadn't eaten since this morning, I had a piece of toast. I had just been drinking water all day. I came in and my dad was on the couch, so I stood in the laundry room. Katy told me to come in and share a steak with her. I did, my dad didn't even look at me, he still hasn't. Anyway, I ate, then Dustin came over. We sat out front for a while and then went driving around (twice in one night, driving around, yay!) He asked me what happened to me, my face was all red, my cheeks puffy, my eyes red, and my voice all fucked up. I told him about my dad, and then added that I'm sick, and crying and having pneumonia don't make your voice sound too good. Anyway, we talked and drove around, Barbie stopped by...D and I went and drove around, again. Ha We went to the gas station to go pee because we didn't wanna come in my house. He brought me home at like 1:30 and now i'm here...and I feel like i'm gonna throw up. I'm going to sleep sorry this is so fucking long. =/ I just needed to vent.
Seven things in your room:
1. stereo<3
2. tv
3. picture frames- -EVERYWHERE
4. candles
5. bed
6. calendar
7. blacklight
Top seven things you say most:
1. fuck you
2. what the fuck
3. you're a flippin idiot
4. you gonna eat your tots?
5. i have to pee
6. what?
7. shut up bitch
Do You:
Smoke? trying to quit, but yes.
Do drugs? not anymore. :) drugfreeisthewaytobe! ha
Read the newspaper? sometimes
Pray? everynight.
Have a Job? no but i need one. can you help me?! :)
Attend Church? on Christmas Eve. ha
Have you ever:
Been in love? yes..........
Gone skinny dipping? yes.
had surgery? wisdom teeth? don't know if that counts?
swam in the dark? yes
Been to a Bonfire? yes
Got Drunk? ya
Ran away from home? ya
Played strip poker? yes
Gotten beaten up? sisters and the boys and i used to play fight?
Beaten someone up? ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^
Been on stage? yeah
Slept outdoors? ya
Been on radio/tv? yes, radio, and my DARE graduation was on the news! Ya, go me! hahaha
Been in a mosh-pit? yes
Do you have any gay/lesbian friends? yes, a lesbain....i wish i was friends with gay guys, they're so cute!
Wallet? 1 dollar and 75 cents. yeeeee!
Cologne/Perfume? very sexy2, heavenly -both from Donny =), and Miracle. Don't laugh, but I have men's curve, cause it's delicious!
In the last 24 Hours have you...
Cried? yep.
Bought something? ya
Gotten sick? ya
Sang? yeah
Been kissed? on the cheek.
Felt stupid? yeah.
Talked to an ex? yes
Talked to someone you have a crush on? yes
Missed someone? ya
Hugged someone? ya
Right now...
what are you listening to? NBK-Down for yours - - - old school shit. ha
what are you wearing? AE Jeans and an Orange SPY Sweater
what are you doing? this thing, and trying not to piss my pants, and drinking fruitpunchwithmountaindew.
what do you want to do? sleep, cry, see Ty.
where would you want to be? With my bestfriend, because it's his birthday, or in my bed.