"i'll be just fine pretending i'm not, i'm far from lonely and it's all that i've got..."
i guess you could say i'm not in the best of moods...i guess i was sort of waiting for something to happen tonite more than i thought. And when it didn't, i guess you could say i felt let down...moreso than i expected to...i guess i'm realizing that i feel a lot stronger about the situation than expected...well, not so much than i expected. i never expected anything less than wonderful of the situation, i guess i'm just a little overwhelmed by how wonderful it all makes me feel...? i've realized it more and more at the waking of each day the past few...yeah... *le sigh*
and i don't want to be here. i don't want to stay here tonite. and it's not so much that i don't want to be here, as that i'd much rather be in different company. not that i don't love my roomies and my cats, i'm fine with them, i just...yeah...i'm missing the comfort and protection that i've found so much of elsewhere...the thought's been floating around in the back of my head the past few days, but i guess now that i'm here...tonite...it's really coming forth...
i'm coming to realize just how hard it can be sometimes to actually say the things that are going on in your head...for once it's not because i just don't know how to word it, either. i think i could come up with the perfect words for it, actually...i'm just horribly hesitant to say it all...i'm horribly overwhelmed by it all...i guess i feel, for one, that it's too soon to be feeling so strongly...and i fear that i won't be the only one who thinks it's too soon...but i don't know...all i know is that i'd much rather be there. with you. but i'm sleeping on the recliner again tonite...alone...i drug Autumn out of my room to lie with me tonite...i've missed her...i haven't seen her in days...she's absolutely beautiful...
*sigh* you'd think i could wait a whole day to see you again. i feel so pathetic...i don't know why i'm so distraught over this...i feel like i'm going through withdrawals...i feel manic depression hitting really hard rite now...but i don't even have the will to get up and do anything about it rite now. i'm just sitting here. i sat here sitting at the computer screen for about thirty minutes before i decided to post this because i didn't know what else to do...i know i'm a capable person. i know that i know how to live life on my own...but for some reason i just don't have the desire to...
i'm still sitting by the phone to see if you'll call, but it's after two now. i think i'm reluctantly going to quit now. however, i know that i'm still going to keep the phone semi close and listen...i guess i just feel the need to pretend to not be so pathetic...
"Seemed to stop my breath
My head on your chest
Waiting to cave in
From the bottom of my..."
"So kiss me like you did
My heart stopped beating
Such a softer sin..."
and i don't want to be here. i don't want to stay here tonite. and it's not so much that i don't want to be here, as that i'd much rather be in different company. not that i don't love my roomies and my cats, i'm fine with them, i just...yeah...i'm missing the comfort and protection that i've found so much of elsewhere...the thought's been floating around in the back of my head the past few days, but i guess now that i'm here...tonite...it's really coming forth...
i'm coming to realize just how hard it can be sometimes to actually say the things that are going on in your head...for once it's not because i just don't know how to word it, either. i think i could come up with the perfect words for it, actually...i'm just horribly hesitant to say it all...i'm horribly overwhelmed by it all...i guess i feel, for one, that it's too soon to be feeling so strongly...and i fear that i won't be the only one who thinks it's too soon...but i don't know...all i know is that i'd much rather be there. with you. but i'm sleeping on the recliner again tonite...alone...i drug Autumn out of my room to lie with me tonite...i've missed her...i haven't seen her in days...she's absolutely beautiful...
*sigh* you'd think i could wait a whole day to see you again. i feel so pathetic...i don't know why i'm so distraught over this...i feel like i'm going through withdrawals...i feel manic depression hitting really hard rite now...but i don't even have the will to get up and do anything about it rite now. i'm just sitting here. i sat here sitting at the computer screen for about thirty minutes before i decided to post this because i didn't know what else to do...i know i'm a capable person. i know that i know how to live life on my own...but for some reason i just don't have the desire to...
i'm still sitting by the phone to see if you'll call, but it's after two now. i think i'm reluctantly going to quit now. however, i know that i'm still going to keep the phone semi close and listen...i guess i just feel the need to pretend to not be so pathetic...
"Seemed to stop my breath
My head on your chest
Waiting to cave in
From the bottom of my..."
"So kiss me like you did
My heart stopped beating
Such a softer sin..."