"I am changing"
My depression has lasted the past two years...I started the summer I got out of high school...I hate it when people are right.
I thought I knew myself better. But I've let myself down.
I find myself laughing at things I wouldn't usually have laughed at in the past couple of years. It feels good to laugh again. It feels good to relax again. I know there are people who are worse off than I, that's for damn sure. I just can't imagine what they're going through. But I've made a new best friend in myself and I'm learning to take care of me now more than others.
Last night we were at Subway in Ybor between coming from Empire and going to Prana. Tesia asked me if I would kill someone if it was my life on the line or theirs. Everyone else said they'd kill someone. I don't think I'd have the heart to actually do it. Eileen said if it was for her kids she'd kill someone and I said that's different, if it was for my kids hell yes I'd kill, but for my own life, no. I need to talk to someone and ask them what that means. It kind of scares me that I'd said that.
I've got a lot of thinking to do. A lot has happened, and it's another one of those times where I'm analyzing my friend list and sniffing out scum and the true of heart. Of course this also means that I have to do some checking on the boyfriend list and I think it's time for a break. Things have been good, but I don't think I'm in a good spot in my life right now to involve any one else in my family/friend/self drama. Besides that he's been very distant and sneeky lately. I think it's only a matter of time anyway. But I think this will be the first good clean break. Well...nevermind.
I love the fact that this summer will be all mine. All to myself. What a wonderful thing for a young person in today's society to have such an oppertunity. Life is making sense. I've lost two years. I need them back. I have to say this week has changed my life.
I thought I knew myself better. But I've let myself down.
I find myself laughing at things I wouldn't usually have laughed at in the past couple of years. It feels good to laugh again. It feels good to relax again. I know there are people who are worse off than I, that's for damn sure. I just can't imagine what they're going through. But I've made a new best friend in myself and I'm learning to take care of me now more than others.
Last night we were at Subway in Ybor between coming from Empire and going to Prana. Tesia asked me if I would kill someone if it was my life on the line or theirs. Everyone else said they'd kill someone. I don't think I'd have the heart to actually do it. Eileen said if it was for her kids she'd kill someone and I said that's different, if it was for my kids hell yes I'd kill, but for my own life, no. I need to talk to someone and ask them what that means. It kind of scares me that I'd said that.
I've got a lot of thinking to do. A lot has happened, and it's another one of those times where I'm analyzing my friend list and sniffing out scum and the true of heart. Of course this also means that I have to do some checking on the boyfriend list and I think it's time for a break. Things have been good, but I don't think I'm in a good spot in my life right now to involve any one else in my family/friend/self drama. Besides that he's been very distant and sneeky lately. I think it's only a matter of time anyway. But I think this will be the first good clean break. Well...nevermind.
I love the fact that this summer will be all mine. All to myself. What a wonderful thing for a young person in today's society to have such an oppertunity. Life is making sense. I've lost two years. I need them back. I have to say this week has changed my life.