So, post Baltimore and an update
So I went to Baltimore and that was quite fun. I got to see some of my favorite people, even Ruth who showed up and surprised us all. I have to take a little time to thank her and everyone who like pushed me and kicked me in the ass and made me feel welcome. Its hard being young and going to these things, but I felt like everyone else, felt welcomed. And thats been a problem with me lately, that I dont feel like I fit in. But of course that was another "kick Chris in the ass" moment. Im glad people do that because sometimes we all need that.
I hit a bit of depression yesterday. Nicole, I am so damn sorry for yesterday. But yeah, I hit it low, felt all alone and just felt everything leaving me. And it all ties into love. Ive been cheated on in 2 of my 4 total relationships in life. And ive felt like im not good enough and that killed my self esteem. I had low self esteem, and that made hit rock bottom for a time. But im going to be optimistic, Im too young to fall in love, least I think so right now. Im going to find the waters hopefully and test them if i can. And ive found that right now, the love i have is just enough and is reciprocated.
I am going to Philly and Atlanta. I find that these things take me away from home which makes me happy. And yeah, Im kind of going to these meets to be away from my family. Things just arent as loving as I'd like them to be. Every other sentance out of their mouth is a chore for me to do, or something in the past ive done wrong. Even when I take the bull by the horns, they question it. I hate being questioned for my actions. I do them because I want to, not some underlying thing. Thats why I turn to my friends to things rather then parents. I wont be judged. Thats what I hate because it picks on me, judging me by those things. Let me be who I am.
Well, Ive rambled on for a bit more then expected. By the way, when you see the music for this entry....yes its stuck in my head. Stephen Lynch is awesome, that is all.
I hit a bit of depression yesterday. Nicole, I am so damn sorry for yesterday. But yeah, I hit it low, felt all alone and just felt everything leaving me. And it all ties into love. Ive been cheated on in 2 of my 4 total relationships in life. And ive felt like im not good enough and that killed my self esteem. I had low self esteem, and that made hit rock bottom for a time. But im going to be optimistic, Im too young to fall in love, least I think so right now. Im going to find the waters hopefully and test them if i can. And ive found that right now, the love i have is just enough and is reciprocated.
I am going to Philly and Atlanta. I find that these things take me away from home which makes me happy. And yeah, Im kind of going to these meets to be away from my family. Things just arent as loving as I'd like them to be. Every other sentance out of their mouth is a chore for me to do, or something in the past ive done wrong. Even when I take the bull by the horns, they question it. I hate being questioned for my actions. I do them because I want to, not some underlying thing. Thats why I turn to my friends to things rather then parents. I wont be judged. Thats what I hate because it picks on me, judging me by those things. Let me be who I am.
Well, Ive rambled on for a bit more then expected. By the way, when you see the music for this entry....yes its stuck in my head. Stephen Lynch is awesome, that is all.