No need to be emo, Charlie Brown
I've been emo, lets admit it. And while there are things to be sad about, there's no need to fret and daunt on them. A good friend kinda slapped me in the face and told me to A. Stop apologizing for things out of my control and B. Dont always think the worst of situations. No need to think the worst comes from what I do when I do good. And its funny because it hasn't been just one person, its been everyone. Ali, Anne, Virginia, Elen, Debbie, Jenny, Samantha, Molly, Amy, every one of my friends have said something to try and make me realize the err of my ways and thinking. And so things never went my way, so I had a few bad things happen to me, who hasn't? I've got a great support system in my friends, which I've abused from time to time and am sorry about. There are degrees of what people can take in terms of hearing emo and hearing about problems and whining. When y'all say you listen, you do, but you don't need that from me every day.
I'm sure people are going to look at this and wonder what the fuck happened to me, what drugs am I taking and can they get some. Well the drugs I take can be found near the pizza place on the corner of broadway and main street...least I think the weed dealers still go there, hasn't changed in the time ive been away I do recall. But looking back and listening to music (it's been the same song since I've started writing this), people tell me I am too clingy, people tell me I don't know the boundries of them and others. Well I gotta stop that, people dont want clingy, they want a friend. Affection is nice, but dont read into it unless the situation arises to do so. And I have to talk to people, not lecture them on my life. And another thing I gotta work on is remembering shit. I swear I got ADD sometimes because I'll try remembering stuff and then forget it the next day. And its not important stuff, but like the cost of clano house and just other things that leave me confused and then I have to think back to remember why something is like that. Little things, but its good to remember. But back to what I was saying, I DO want to keep the loved ones I call friends, and to do that, I have to change my ways. Not change -myself- but my ways, and the brain process of certain things because it puts people at a standstill and as you all know, its not my inetntions. God how I have said that sentence to so many to explain myself. I shouldnt have to in the respect that well, I have to be direct and stern and show what I mean and tell what I think. Its not as drastic change as I had originally planned to be but you have to learn what you actually need to do instead of what you think is going to make it all right.
So whats next for me? Well I am going to watch how I act. I'm not going to be stern per se, but I am going to make sure that I am more clear with what I say and how I say it. Doesnt mean I cant be affectionate, just means I have to make sure things are comfortable enough to do so. And besides, I have too much in my life to be emo. Ya know, when you're emo, it takes up all your time ;-). Actually, whats next for me is a 3-12 shift @ JCP which isnt good nor bad, but its paying for everything, so I really couldnt give a shit either way about the company. Im also currently reading 5 books all at once, and going -insane- while trying to remember and keep up with them.
(P.S. If anyone has Knife of Dreams and are willing to send it, I'll love you even more forever)
But I have a job, I am going to Otakcon, the biggest anime convention on the east coast of the U.S., for free sans the greyhound! Ive also got my full payment to Clano house, so I got the spot in the house, which I am uber-excited for. And things arent as bad as they seem. They arent where I want them to be, but you cant do all or nothing with perfection. Gotta take the good with the bad, the job with the employee who acts like she knows everything ;-), the free Anime convention with the cost of a bus, Con 3 with the cost of plane tix and a room at the house, but these are acceptable things to make and keep balance and order in my life. This is a day for new things to come, who knows, when you feel good and do good, good things do happen. Mmhmm, mmhmm.
I'm sure people are going to look at this and wonder what the fuck happened to me, what drugs am I taking and can they get some. Well the drugs I take can be found near the pizza place on the corner of broadway and main street...least I think the weed dealers still go there, hasn't changed in the time ive been away I do recall. But looking back and listening to music (it's been the same song since I've started writing this), people tell me I am too clingy, people tell me I don't know the boundries of them and others. Well I gotta stop that, people dont want clingy, they want a friend. Affection is nice, but dont read into it unless the situation arises to do so. And I have to talk to people, not lecture them on my life. And another thing I gotta work on is remembering shit. I swear I got ADD sometimes because I'll try remembering stuff and then forget it the next day. And its not important stuff, but like the cost of clano house and just other things that leave me confused and then I have to think back to remember why something is like that. Little things, but its good to remember. But back to what I was saying, I DO want to keep the loved ones I call friends, and to do that, I have to change my ways. Not change -myself- but my ways, and the brain process of certain things because it puts people at a standstill and as you all know, its not my inetntions. God how I have said that sentence to so many to explain myself. I shouldnt have to in the respect that well, I have to be direct and stern and show what I mean and tell what I think. Its not as drastic change as I had originally planned to be but you have to learn what you actually need to do instead of what you think is going to make it all right.
So whats next for me? Well I am going to watch how I act. I'm not going to be stern per se, but I am going to make sure that I am more clear with what I say and how I say it. Doesnt mean I cant be affectionate, just means I have to make sure things are comfortable enough to do so. And besides, I have too much in my life to be emo. Ya know, when you're emo, it takes up all your time ;-). Actually, whats next for me is a 3-12 shift @ JCP which isnt good nor bad, but its paying for everything, so I really couldnt give a shit either way about the company. Im also currently reading 5 books all at once, and going -insane- while trying to remember and keep up with them.
(P.S. If anyone has Knife of Dreams and are willing to send it, I'll love you even more forever)
But I have a job, I am going to Otakcon, the biggest anime convention on the east coast of the U.S., for free sans the greyhound! Ive also got my full payment to Clano house, so I got the spot in the house, which I am uber-excited for. And things arent as bad as they seem. They arent where I want them to be, but you cant do all or nothing with perfection. Gotta take the good with the bad, the job with the employee who acts like she knows everything ;-), the free Anime convention with the cost of a bus, Con 3 with the cost of plane tix and a room at the house, but these are acceptable things to make and keep balance and order in my life. This is a day for new things to come, who knows, when you feel good and do good, good things do happen. Mmhmm, mmhmm.