This Isn't Funny At All.
I hate my body so much. I'm not even kidding. It pisses me off to even look in the mirror. No one even knows I feel this way about myself. I've tried telling my friend how much I wish I could just lose weight and never put it back on. My friend acts like she thinks that I'm just kidding. The truth is, I'm not kiddng.
I just wish I would never have to eat again. I wish I could just drink water for the rest of my life. Food is such a fucking bitch. I try not to eat, but then I get hungry so I eat and end up binging. Once I'm done binging I feel guilty so I run up into my bathroom and purge right away. I hate purging, but I keep doing it. I don't even want to purge I end up doing it. My stomach will hurt if I don't.
Either my family is blind or they juat don't care. They don't seem to notice that after I eat I run straight into the bathroom and spend twenty minutes in there. If they do notice, they don't care enough to help me. My mom thinks I'm losing weight because I'm working out. She's absolutly wrong. I'm only losing weight because I purge everyday. My one friend, Shiran whom I met online, told me awhile back I could die from purging as much as I do. The thing is, I'm not anywhere near skinny enough for that to happen.
My throat constantly hurts. It gets raw from my constantly sticking my toothbrush down it to purge. i've been taking a lot of cough drops to stop the pain. I've also been tired a lot lately. I think I'm tired from lack or food after purging. i'm nto too sure though.
I'm going to start keeping a food diary. I'm also going to start counting cals again. I used to do it, but lately I've stopped. In my food log I'm going to include how much cals I've taken into my body, how much food i've consumed, sleeping hours, how much I drink, my weight, and how much I purge.
I feel like shit too much. I think i'm at the point where I don't want to get better. If my family does find out about my eating disorder I'm going to refuse to get help. I don't want help. I'd rather just be left alone. Although it still doesn't help that no one even batts an eye at my constant binging and bathroom trips.
Ontop of all this, I have writer's block. I can't seem to be able to write either of my fics. So don't expect an update anytime soon.
Just request a fic or something so you can help me get out of my block. I like to prompts and stuff so, yeah. Just help me somewhow.
sorry for clogging your f-lists.
I just wish I would never have to eat again. I wish I could just drink water for the rest of my life. Food is such a fucking bitch. I try not to eat, but then I get hungry so I eat and end up binging. Once I'm done binging I feel guilty so I run up into my bathroom and purge right away. I hate purging, but I keep doing it. I don't even want to purge I end up doing it. My stomach will hurt if I don't.
Either my family is blind or they juat don't care. They don't seem to notice that after I eat I run straight into the bathroom and spend twenty minutes in there. If they do notice, they don't care enough to help me. My mom thinks I'm losing weight because I'm working out. She's absolutly wrong. I'm only losing weight because I purge everyday. My one friend, Shiran whom I met online, told me awhile back I could die from purging as much as I do. The thing is, I'm not anywhere near skinny enough for that to happen.
My throat constantly hurts. It gets raw from my constantly sticking my toothbrush down it to purge. i've been taking a lot of cough drops to stop the pain. I've also been tired a lot lately. I think I'm tired from lack or food after purging. i'm nto too sure though.
I'm going to start keeping a food diary. I'm also going to start counting cals again. I used to do it, but lately I've stopped. In my food log I'm going to include how much cals I've taken into my body, how much food i've consumed, sleeping hours, how much I drink, my weight, and how much I purge.
I feel like shit too much. I think i'm at the point where I don't want to get better. If my family does find out about my eating disorder I'm going to refuse to get help. I don't want help. I'd rather just be left alone. Although it still doesn't help that no one even batts an eye at my constant binging and bathroom trips.
Ontop of all this, I have writer's block. I can't seem to be able to write either of my fics. So don't expect an update anytime soon.
Just request a fic or something so you can help me get out of my block. I like to prompts and stuff so, yeah. Just help me somewhow.
sorry for clogging your f-lists.